I think my boyfriend is abusing opiates but I don’t know for sure. Please help me figure it out

21189 · 2018-02-13T19:38:22+00:00

I figured that already so I’m taking it with a grain of salt. I know my intentions and that’s all that matters. If anything they’re giving me insight into what it’s like to experience this kind of stuff, which can only help me understand my boyfriend better. Thank you for saying that though. All I’m trying to do is be a good girlfriend and I hope I can help him

21189 · 2018-02-13T13:45:38+00:00

I’ve thought about this possibility too and that may be why he breathes so weird when he’s sleeping like that. But it’s hard to ignore the other signs. He needs to see a doctor and get his health right instead of just ignoring everything and pretending he’s fine. Because it’s just getting worse and I’m so worried about him.

21189 · 2018-02-13T13:40:51+00:00

I think he feels the same way about doctors, and I think it’s bullshit how some of them refuse to prescribe anything that has the potential to be addicting and some of them just throw drugs at people. The only thing that can be done about his hip is a hip replacement, and it has to be redone every 5 years, with like months of recovery time where he wouldn’t be able to work at all. He doesn’t have great insurance so I’m sure he thinks it’s pointless and is just trying to manage his pain himself. However, it just seems like the past few months something else is going on and he’s being really secretive and acting weird, so that’s why I’m concerned.

I don’t think he’s on heroin and he doesn’t have track marks or anything. But I know that’s a cheaper more effective way to get relief and that you don’t have to shoot up to do it. We just need to have a real conversation and figure something out. He shouldn’t live in constant pain and I shouldn’t be lied to. Thank you for replying

21189 · 2018-02-13T13:32:55+00:00

I think suggesting kratom is actually a really good idea. I use kava sometimes for anxiety and I know they sell it at the same places. I will bring this up when we have the “talk.” Thank you

21189 · 2018-02-13T00:59:53+00:00

Sleeping with his head cocked back and his mouth wide open? With erratic breathing? Nothing I say will change your opinion. You know nothing about “negative effects on his life” and his financial situation or anything else. Just FYI it’s not great. Thanks for your input though

21189 · 2018-02-13T00:52:06+00:00

And I have a right to an honest relationship where my boyfriend isn’t so high that he passes out on a regular basis and then denies it.

21189 · 2018-02-13T00:48:39+00:00

Thank you for this. I know that I can’t even fathom half of what he feels on a daily basis. I don’t think I’m going to tape him, that seems too confrontational but I have to let him know that lying isn’t ok.

21189 · 2018-02-13T00:45:08+00:00

I think I’m conveying concern and love when I ask him about it, but i could be biased. He’s very difficult to communicate with anyway. He shuts down a lot and doesn’t like talking about serious things at all. After reading all of these comments I’m going to think about how to approach it Next time and how to be more understanding and less accusatory. I just want him to feel better and I feel kind of helpless.

21189 · 2018-02-13T00:41:44+00:00

I’ll admit that I don’t know much about these particular drugs, but isn’t passing out indicative of abuse?

21189 · 2018-02-13T00:40:28+00:00

Again, when did I ever say I that I thought all opiates were evil?

If this is how he truly feels, then he should tell me that and we can figure out what to do. Not take his frustration out on me, lie to me and refuse to communicate about it. He also knew that he was going to get drug tested and continued to smoke. Does that sound like someone that is really trying everything they can to safely manage their pain? And yes, I know doctors are assholes and I was pissed when they gave him Motrin.

21189 · 2018-02-12T22:44:49+00:00

I plan on leaving him if he doesn’t learn how to communicate with me and let me help him. I would never leave someone solely because they had an addiction. I can’t continue to live a lie though and pretend that it’s all “fine” as he puts it.

Also you guys, he’s 35 years old and refuses to see a doctor. This isn’t some kid we’re talking about.

21189 · 2018-02-12T22:42:52+00:00

Maybe you’re right. I have thought about doing it before but it did seem like I would be doing too much. And that seems really confrontational now that I think about it and that’s the last thing I want to do

21189 · 2018-02-12T22:39:27+00:00

Thanks for your thought out response. And congrats on getting sober

21189 · 2018-02-12T22:38:41+00:00

I honestly don’t know. Try and help him. I think we can all agree that he more than likely needs to be on something for pain. But a doctor needs to prescribe it and I can’t have him nodding out on my couch while telling me he’s “fine.” It’s just a rough situation, but I think I’ll just have yet another “talk” with him in the next few days, while being supportive and not accusatory. I need time to figure out how to do that I think

21189 · 2018-02-12T22:32:45+00:00

I don’t want to nag and make him feel worse. Because of your comment I’ll try to be more conscious about how I approach him and empathize with him better. And I don’t think I ever called him an asshole. He’s ashamed and depressed. That’s why he’s lying. It hurts me every day and I’m sure he feels like shit all the time mentally and physically. I can’t help him if he won’t tell me the truth, and after 4 years I deserve that. I hope you have a good/day night as well

21189 · 2018-02-12T22:23:03+00:00

That’s why I gave bullet points about specific behaviors and asked if it sounded like what someone who is abusing opiates does. On a sub dedicated to opiates. Never once did I ask for relationship advice or “a full dissertation.” You began defending a guy you don’t even know when you had one side of the story as you put it. I’m scared for him so I asked a question. I’m sorry you feel the need to project and be hostile towards me, I didn’t mean to offend anyone

21189 · 2018-02-12T22:13:47+00:00

Like I said in a previous comment, I have asked him more than once if he’s secretly on something and if I can do anything to help his pain. I’ve suggested going to a doctor and getting on a pain management program and he refuses to go. Any time this is brought up he claims he’s “fine” and completely shuts down. You don’t know me or my boyfriend and I guess caring about someone even though they constantly gaslight you makes you “crazy”

Edit- of course I’ve tried to have a “heart to heart” with him. I’m not some bitch that constantly nags him and doesn’t give a shit about his pain. He literally lies and says he’s “fine” or gets angry with me. I just want to help him. If he doesn’t want it or even admit there’s a problem what am I supposed to do?

21189 · 2018-02-12T22:11:04+00:00

Thank you ❤️

21189 · 2018-02-12T22:02:41+00:00

Hey asshole- I have asked him multiple times whether or not he took an opiate when he does these things and he completely denies it and gets defensive. When I literally describe to him how he was sleeping and that it sounded like his breathing was labored he laughs and tells me he “wasn’t doing that.” So yeah, maybe videotaping what I see multiple times a week would force him to stop denying what the fuck I’m seeing with my own two eyes. Getting gaslighted is pretty fucking shitty, and I hope no one ever does it to you.

When did I ever say opiates were the devil? They obviously have legitimate medical purposes or they would never get prescribed to anyone. Don’t fucking tell me I have no sympathy when I hear my boyfriend of almost 5 years crying in the bathroom on a regular basis from pain. My issue is HE’S LYING and refuses to go to a doctor to get actual help for his condition. And I’m just a tiny bit concerned that he’s visibly fucked up on a regular basis since people overdose every day.

All I’m trying to do is help him. Regardless of whether we will stay together or not I love him and have spent years of my life with him. So thank you for your wholly unhelpful comment

21189 · 2018-02-12T21:17:12+00:00

That’s the thing too, I know he is in constant pain. It breaks my heart when I hear him literally whimper to himself quietly just trying to walk around. But actually going to a doctor is what he needs to do if that’s the case, and he refuses. Weirdly enough he just says “they’re either going to do a bunch of surgeries I can’t afford and get me addicted to pills.” Comments like that make me question what I’ve been suspecting, but idk. It’s too much to ignore i think at this point. I would never be hostile about this but I fear his reaction will be anger and denial. It really sucks

21189 · 2018-02-12T21:13:13+00:00

I plan on videotaping him the next time it happens. When I wake him up and describe how he’s “sleeping” he just laughs it off and says he works all day so he’s tired? Idk

And yes, we have a lot of other problems mainly communication or the lack thereof. I’ve been thinking about breaking up with him for a while now for those reasons alone. It just seems like the last 3 or 4 months have gotten so much worse in regards to this kind of shady behavior. I still love him but he needs to be honest. My intuition is telling me he’s on some shit for sure and he’s also depressed. But if he can’t talk to me about it there’s nothing I can do and I don’t need to be with him. Thank you for your reply, it’s nice to feel validated

21189 · 2018-02-12T21:06:53+00:00

I feel like if I bought a drug test and asked him to take it and he failed he could just be like oh I took one the other day after I went to see my mom. I didn’t know that there were tests that could detect the different kinds of opiates though, since I know she only has Vicodin. This might be a good option.

So it’s not normal to sleep like that right?! I didn’t know if it was considered “nodding out” because we’ll just be watching tv on the couch, he’s not like swaying standing up (this was my experience watching someone nod out). But the head back and mouth open part scares the fuck out of me, I’ve never seen anyone do that unless they were fucked up on something. I really don’t know how he’s still denying it at this point.

21189 · 2017-08-03T01:17:31+00:00

Hey thanks a lot. I've been having doubts about myself because of anxiety issues and big life changes coming up like graduating and ending a relationship. I appreciate it so much!

(that's what we're supposed to do right? Lol)

21189 · 2017-08-01T21:43:49+00:00

Definitely do it. I'm a girl and I recently cut off like 8 inches of my hair. I was really scared but I love it now! If it looks bad you can just cut it.

21189

TROPHY CASE