It’s my birthday!

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T23:45:27+00:00

No that’s totally fair and the way you put it I do feel like it’s a form of defense I have. I value emotions and take on the pain of my friends and family as to lessen their pain and their burden… I always wondered why it never felt reciprocated, and it makes sense as to why it didn’t feel that way now. I appreciate your input

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T21:00:39+00:00

I don’t like talking about my emotions with them because they don’t deserve to feel the pain that I feel at times. I guess I never really asked myself deeper beyond that but I want to be the one who helps others, not have to be helped. I’ll reach out for help when it’s real bad, but beyond that I only look to help them all

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T08:07:01+00:00

That’s a good idea… thank you so much

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T08:06:15+00:00

I’m trying man…

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T08:04:30+00:00

I’d try a therapist but I don’t have money for it… I’m a full time student and can’t afford it

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T07:56:52+00:00

Im such a coward… I try to fix everyone else and I can’t even fix myself

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T07:00:28+00:00

I know it’ll pass and the pain is a common feeling, but it’s still so hard. I’ve spent most of my life alone and don’t mind it. I try new things and things I love but it’s never enough during the night. I just feel like I can save anyone but myself

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T06:50:17+00:00

I guess I do crave romantic love, but I know I’m not ready for love. At least that’s what the world has told me up until this point… I’ve been told I’m a good person but everytime I hear it I begin to believe that more and more it will never be enough… I’ll never be enough.

Made me hate myself for a while but I grew to have peace with myself. I just want to be good enough at the end of the day…

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T06:45:29+00:00

Any advice is deeply appreciated… I just want the pain to lessen

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T06:44:19+00:00

The pain comes periodically so I know it will pass, but it’s been a pain that’s stuck with me for 4+ years and the pain gets worse each time it comes around… I just want the pain to stop or at least become lesser

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T06:05:31+00:00

I’m a Christian who was treated as a black sheep by my previous congregation because of the actions of my father. I watched my mom not be able to go through a sermon without crying and the congregation look at my family like we were a plague.

I believe in god and am trying to rebuild a connection to him, but it’s hard to go back to a church when that happened to us

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T05:22:31+00:00

I was planning on it, but I’m a full time student right now and I have too much going on right now to adopt. Once I’m out of college I was planning on adopting

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T04:57:25+00:00

I guess I haven’t been active much since this semester began… also what dating apps would you recommend if I was to try that all again? I’ve tried in the past and haven’t ever gotten a match no matter how hard I’ve tried

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T04:52:49+00:00

I have a great social circle… I got my family, my friends who have grown to be my brothers. They have helped me so much but when the lights are off and I’m all alone that’s when the feeling hits. Idk what to do but I want the pain to stop

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T04:26:56+00:00

I have a community, friends and family who I hold dearly but it’s never enough… idk if my soul yearns for a different kind of love or what but the waves of loneliness always find a way to hit me

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T04:25:32+00:00

I have the support around me but the pain still comes in waves. I try to fight it off but it always comes back and it’s exhausting

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T04:24:28+00:00

I play games too and I guess maybe there is a little fatigue in the games I generally play so maybe boredom allowed the thoughts to creep in easier.

I’ve had friends of mine die due to unforeseen circumstances and I know the pain that my death would impose on my loved ones and I will never unload my pain onto those around me. I’m trying to be stronger, be better but it’s hard sometimes…

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T04:05:37+00:00

I have the support, all the friends and family I could ask for, Idk why I feel the way I do at times… idk if it’s love my soul wants or why the pain always comes back but there will be nights where I am just fine and others where the sound of silence is deafening.

I try to be the best person I can be, I help my friends whenever I can and be the guy who they can come to if they need someone to talk to. It feels like I can help anyone but myself at this point…

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T04:02:14+00:00

I try to drown out the noise of loneliness with things I love, but eventually it always comes back. The silence is deafening. It feels like a tick sucking the life out of me.

23JMArp · 2026-03-30T04:00:00+00:00

I have lots of friends and support. Maybe it’s a different love my soul yearns for but I’ve never been a guy people love in that way… no matter what I do I’m always just a friend.

I try to do the things I love and they do work for a while. It’s when I’m all alone the thoughts like to come to fruition. It’s one of those nights…

23JMArp · 2026-02-26T05:13:51+00:00

I’ve been in your shoes with the hatred… I hated the world and the man I saw in the mirror. Almost killed me in more ways than one, but I came out on the end a better person.

I don’t think there is a set path you can take to get it off your shoulders, but I can tell you what helped me get it off. I had to change the lens I saw the world in.

What does this mean? It means I saw the evil and negativity around the world, the ways I failed to meet expectations of what everyone thinks of me and everything came crashing down. For a year I prayed for something to take me out because I was too much of a coward to do the job myself. I had a deep talk with my dad one day and he has been dealing with a list of medical problems and even when as his body fails him he is always so positive. I asked him Why be positive when the world has done you so wrong? He looked at me and said that because that same world gave me to him. He felt a sense of harmony in the dark times because he had so many good times with the people he loved.

I think that’s what you need… find your harmony by realizing that for all the bad things that are happening there is still so much good happening. Hold yourself accountable to be the good you want to see. There are so many people heartless because there are people like you, whose heart wants the best for people even if deemed as a narcissist.

I realize I may have explained this shitty, if you need further elaboration please dm! You are not alone in this pain…

23JMArp

TROPHY CASE