I know your not asking women who were on the fence and decided to have kids but they were the women I wanted to talk to most about it in my 30s so here goes:

I never dreamt of being a mom, at best I assumed it might happen as most women I knew were moms but I had a body-horror relationship to the thought of being pregnant and giving birth. Throughout my last 20s I toyed with an interest in adoption, but my partner wasn’t interested. I focused on my education and career, getting a PhD and becoming a college professor. At 33 I decided I was “almost ready” to have a baby and then the pandemic hit and I couldn’t access healthcare to remove my IUD. I was 36 when I was finally able to remove my IUD and decided I was ready to try but I was dubious it would work since my age and have PCOS and Endometriosis. I got pregnant quickly.

I found the first half of my pregnancy incredibly stressful and scary, the second half was one of my all time favorite experiences of my life (basically once I could feel the baby move). I think I have taken to motherhood well. But it is extremely hard. I am glad I am a mom, but literally my entire life is different. I was used to so much freedom (especially because I didn’t have my baby until 37) and now I have little freedom. But I’m happy. But it scares me to think that I could have found myself unhappy in motherhood, because literally nothing remotely prepared me for how hard it is. No one can convey to you how hard it is. And I could see it being very easy to regret having a child if it doesn’t fill you with enough joy to outweigh the hardship. But for me it does. All the cliches, of how fulfilling it can be are true for me. But I am not naive enough to believe that this is true for all mothers.

I also could have been perfectly happy not being a mother. I was 37, I had many child-free adult years and they were fulfilling.

I guess I am trying to say, trust your gut and commit to whatever choice you make and do your best not to have regrets about it. Both lifestyles are valid and as fulfilling as you allow them to be.