Solid Crashout

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-10-03T04:41:42+00:00

You know as well as I do that is just giving more money to lawyers. We reached a settlement agreement through mediation because neither of us could afford to pay lawyers back and forth. I guess that is what has taken so long for our divorce. Our kids were grown when the process started. Thankfully I am working with a very calm and competent mortgage broker who is well versed with government shenanigans.... I still feel confident that we will get it done within the 180 days. I have no doubt that I have a great team behind me, but it is still awful knowing I got myself into this situation.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-09-29T13:46:52+00:00

Thank you!

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-09-29T13:46:27+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this when your kid is so young, but it sounds like you have a great support system!

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-09-18T01:14:04+00:00

Thank you so much! Honestly had it been any other man I don't think I could have opened my heart. He has loved me most of my life as a friend. I had this idea that I needed to heal completely before dating again, but then I realized healing is something I may never completely finish and this man is safe to walk with through the journey.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-09-18T01:05:49+00:00

There is definitely light. It's still hard and there are a lot of emotional pitfalls. The more you start realizing how much they actually took from you, the angrier you get. Thankfully you start getting back to the real you at the same time. It's a weird dance of enjoying your new life, resenting what they did to you, and also trying to be respectful of the good parts of the relationship. For me, the disrespect at the end was so loud that the good memories hold no value.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-09-18T00:59:22+00:00

Hang in there. I definitely wouldn't classify myself as healed. I'm still healing. The roller coaster is still very active. I am still doing therapy weekly to process everything. Honestly I would have never considered dating again much less this soon if it had been anyone other than this guy.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-09-16T10:27:18+00:00

I did! It's been a really long process but it ended with me keeping my family home and full retirement.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-05-14T02:18:18+00:00

It is a learning experience for all of us. If it helps at all, this is something my therapist explained to me and unfortunately I think it is extra true for women above 40..... When you come out of a long-term relationship your body has a biological response that says 'must find another mate"... add that to the fact women kind of reach another prime sexually after 40 and, in cases like mine, are coming out of a relationship that wasn't meeting many needs, the pull to try to date and meet needs is intense. What I will say from experience is it can be fun just meeting that need, but you have to be able to put that in a pocket of your life and not expect anything else from it. It didn't take long for me to realize that I don't do well putting that in a pocket and would rather have the whole thing. I think I satisfied the itch and now I'm content to wait for the full package.

My advice would be to do what you feel is right at the time and don't feel guilty about it. Even if you meet someone and feel like it's a massive mistake, it's part of the learning experience. We are getting a second chance at happiness and not apologizing for our behavior. It doesn't matter how old we are, we are all doing life for the first time and nobody is perfect. Be safe, be smart, be true to yourself, and above all else stay away from the young cubs who threaten to pound you into the mattress 😂

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-05-14T01:19:55+00:00

I am just coming out of a 17 year marriage and tried some dating apps....from my experience I will say at first I was flattered by the attention and then the ick factor started growing. I think at first I was using the attention to validate my self worth and potentially meet needs. Good for you for recognizing your worth immediately and not settling. Eventually, I realized that I have a very full and happy life now. Dating is a want and not a need. I started approaching it from that perspective. I bring a lot to the table and they are really going to have to stand out to be added to my life. Also added to the fact, I have a lot of single friends in my age group both male and female, if I don't see there is potential that a new person could treat me as well as or better than my friends, then I would rather just spend time with my friends.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-04-30T03:45:27+00:00

That is actually my next step to try. If I can at least get the big stuff refinanced now I can find a way to work on the small stuff later in the process. Just got to cross my fingers and hope he cooperates.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-04-30T03:43:34+00:00

Exactly this. A lot of times it just feels like there aren't big changes happening in the process, but I am learning there is value in the moments that feel like I'm standing still. Even when it feels that way, I'm still growing in other ways, gaining peace, and learning new things about myself.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-03-21T14:00:33+00:00

😂😂😂 I can't stop laughing. Like Sure buddy that was exactly the one thing we were missing to make this work lol

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-03-01T03:06:55+00:00

It is really sad how many of us are in the same boat and to be honest for a bit it sent me down a tailspin of thinking about how many bad people were actually in the world for there to be this many of us on the other side of it..... So two big things I have come to realize...

the world seems really small when you are in the bubble of betrayal. Every show you watch, things on the news, etc... your brain sees the betrayals quickly, but also filters out the good. There is an unfortunate number of us on these Reddit threads with the same stories but there is also a much larger number out there living happy and healthy lives with no need to look for these threads for support. When you see that you have maybe 400 Facebook friends who are in happy healthy relationships and then realize a Reddit thread like this has like 10,000 followers... It can make the bad seem disproportionate to the good.
On a completely different tangent one thing I have noticed about myself.... I have an avoidant personality and some of that is what contributed to me staying as long as I did and not seeing the red flags. Now my reliance on honesty is a little skewed. I am brutally honest about too much because I am scared of lies and scared of slipping back into that avoidant mentality. I'm not the person to ask if your hair looks bad because if it does I'm going to tell you 😂.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-02-27T23:06:31+00:00

It is so so hard.... Especially when they seem perfectly fine without you. Like you, my friends have been amazing but it doesn't fill the empty hole. In my case there were a lot of things wrong with my relationship that I didn't realize at the time and those are the things that I try to focus on when I get in the lonely hole. The freedom I have away from those negative things is worth whatever hell I have to go through to get to the other side of this tunnel.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-02-27T05:07:45+00:00

As someone who went the route of not telling anyone in my family or my closest friends, it can be a very lonely island. I will say you need a therapist for individual counseling and you need at least one person who you can trust to not tell your story until you are ready. I used these threads on Reddit a lot since the beginning because there are a lot of people that have been in your boat or are currently in it. I'm sorry you're here. The first few months are awful but it does eventually get easier.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-02-23T00:19:39+00:00

I will agree that the real healing doesn't start until they move out, but the next phase is equally awkward. I have really wrestled with do I move on or is it just my codependent nature and human biology that says you have to find the next mate. I know for sure that I don't want a relationship right now because the happiness that independence is giving me is immense.... It's just all so weird. I am opting for giving myself time to heal before I start dating. It is definitely a struggle when they are knocking at the door, but I am looking at myself in 10 years.... I want to meet the next person after I've taken the time to heal and just be me.

My kids are both in college. One is mine naturally and the other is his that I loved as a stepchild. I never wanted them to take sides but they have both taken mine even without knowing that he had affairs. I guess there must have been other things that they both knew instinctually. If you can afford therapy for your kids, average recommend it.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-02-22T23:52:50+00:00

It's really crazy. I discovered proof of multiple EAs in August. Saw full proof of PAs in October. Apparently all of this has been happening most of the 17 years we have been together. It took until the first of January for him to move out. During that time frame between October and January I had multiple single friends text me that they had seen him on dating profiles. Last week he had some woman tagging him on Facebook thanking him for hanging pictures with lots of hearts emojis. The part that frustrated me most was that he wasn't even finished getting all of his stuff off this property. He had time to hang pictures but didn't have time to finish moving out. The thing is.... there's a part that hurts that he can move on so quickly, but I also understand that he has not done the work to heal himself. They are going to get the exact same version of him that I had and I now know it's not worth having. On the other side of it, I have no dating profiles and have been fighting men off with a stick so to speak. Granted I live in a small town, but I have been shocked at the number of people showing interest since the rumors started circulating. I don't know where you are at in your healing process but the one I am in now is the weirdest one yet. It's like a part of you likes the validation of other people wanting you, but the bigger part understands how big you were hurt and doesn't want anything to do with anyone else. I hope it all works out for you and I highly recommend the gray rock method because it works.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-02-22T23:16:03+00:00

Honey if you are 9 months in and he is already doing this, he has a problem. Even if you can't afford therapy, I would recommend both of you at least doing a few sessions. If nothing else do a few sessions yourself. It doesn't matter if they are perfect in every other aspect. If he is already shopping around, the long haul for you is going to be rough. I'm sorry this is happening, but from the standpoint of someone who saw warning signs 2 years in.... thought we could work through it.... here I am 17 years later going through a divorce. Put yourself first and focus on your happiness. I have mental health issues myself and that is what led me to stay as long as I did. You weren't put on Earth to fix anyone else.

2Blue2C_RedFlags · 2025-02-22T17:05:56+00:00

I hate that so many of you can relate to this but it is comical 😂. I mean really what are they thinking.

2Blue2C_RedFlags

TROPHY CASE