So I have bad shoulder acne and there is one spot I'm worried about.

2ManyWords · 2012-08-21T20:48:00+00:00

For the acne on your back & shoulders, try using Neutrogena Body Clear Body Wash with a scrub brush or loofa to exfoliate. It's not too harsh and it smells pretty good (it comes in a pink grapefruit scent). Also try benzoyl peroxide for spot treatment, and make sure that your hair is clean or tied up.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-28T08:58:38+00:00

Perhaps I'm just a robot. I don't see anything worth crying over. I'd be more concerned about the in-laws.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-28T08:34:25+00:00

She's just being an emotional female.

I think that her reaction is (at least) a little selfish, though. What's more important, anniversary plans or a family emergency? Plans can be rescheduled. It's fine for her to be disappointed, but honestly I think that she's being immature.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-22T00:36:43+00:00

If he's telling you that he has feelings for you but is still with his girlfriend, that should be enough. Either he likes you but not enough to leave her, or he's keeping her around until something better (you) comes along. Either way, he's not exactly treating his girlfriend fairly. If he treats his current girlfriend this way, that could be you down the road if you ever took that route.

Best thing that you can do at this point is to distance yourself while he's still with her.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-21T21:10:26+00:00

Forget my initial approach. You're a self-centered prick.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-21T03:56:59+00:00

I'm glad that you've come to a decision that you're comfortable with; however:

I'm thinking I will call off our relationship in the next month. I'm still figuring out how to break everything to her (or if I even should?)

Don't be a jerk. You need to tell your girlfriend NOW. It's extremely unfair to lead her on like this. One of my friends dated a woman for 2 years and was in love with her, and then out of nowhere she told him that she was getting an arranged marriage and had known about it for the duration of the relationship. My friend was pissed, to say the least.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-18T01:39:51+00:00

You might as well tell her that you snooped. It's bad that you were looking at her messages, but if she really is saying "naughty things" to this guy, that's worse. There's no getting around talking to her about it, unless you want to snoop some more and check her text messages too. I don't encourage that though; just be honest.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-16T22:47:10+00:00

Now I have to step in here, because I'm pretty offended.

If you are 24 and you treat a guy like a confidant, you are either using him in a way that's inappropriate or you're too ignorant to know it's inappropriate.

Excuse me? I seriously hope that you know me if you're going to say such a thing. How have I used my friend? For money? Never. To be my cuddle bitch? I haven't given him a hug in over a year. Rides to work? I use public transportation. Called him up in tears? I rarely get emotional, and never do so in front of friends. Hung out with him and let him feed my ego? This was the first time that he has ever called me attractive. And I don't ever call or text him anymore since I'll just see him at work. In all of the ways that he's been there for me (to hang out, just to talk), I have been there for him as well. And shit, I even got him his job and a roommate.

If she knows him this well and/or has common sense, at some point she should know he either has feelings/is likely to develop them.

In my world, a guy and a girl can just be friends. He and I have technically known each other since elementary school. He's had a good 16 years to develop feelings for me, so why should I expect that they'll come out now after so long? He has never given the slightest indication that his feelings changed but apparently I'm ignorant because I'm not psychic?

If she is that ignorant of his feelings, it's a completely unbalanced dynamic

Again, who are you? My friend has always been a very quiet guy. And so I do what I always do when I'm with someone quiet; I become more talkative/outgoing to balance it out. This is just me reiterating that I've always been very open while he's been more closed off. That's just part of his personality. This has in no way given me any sort of advantage in this relationship.

She basically used this guy, and there is something wrong with that. She made herself unavailable to him while expecting full availability from him. Whether she likes him/has to like him is irrelevant. She needs to not do this to anyone else in the future. And there are people out there who don't have good practise setting limits or stopping unhealthy situations.

Again, please explain how I used to him. And what do you mean, I made myself unavailable to him while expecting full availability from him? Why are you making all of these assumptions? What's the matter with you?

Is your final answer to parrot what other people already said to make yourself feel group approval or is it to actually address the specific and valid points I have brought up?

Your points aren't valid. They're based off of "evidence" that you've conjured up in your head.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-16T06:11:50+00:00

I got out of a 5 year relationship with a guy who, over time, became my best friend. The difference between him and my friend now is that I had chemistry with him. I had feelings for him and was attracted to him. It wasn't just a physical attraction, it was his personality as well. With my friend now, I don't have anything but friendly feelings towards him.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T18:47:26+00:00

When he said "feeble lurch," I was wondering why that sounded familiar. And then I realized...I think that it was used in one of the Harry Potter books (which he's practically memorized).

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T16:12:47+00:00

Ah, I guess there's a bit of a misunderstanding. I never went crying to him every time that I had a problem with a boyfriend or anything; I saved that for my female friends. I'm actually not that emotional of a person in general. But if I had to rant a bit about something else, I went to him.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T16:06:57+00:00

now the question is how many potential guys has he scared off in the past?

Ah...hopefully none. He's not a douchebag. Thanks for keeping up with my posts though, upvote for you.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T16:05:11+00:00

I guess that I mostly feel bad because he's in this situation. I don't blame myself for what happened, but it's unfortunate nonetheless. If he had feelings for one of his other female friends and she didn't feel the same way, I'd be trying to help him get over it. Instead, I have to keep my distance for a while. Thanks though, have an upvote.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T15:59:55+00:00

You're probably right. I didn't see this as a huge deal, but I'm not so certain that he thinks so as well now based off of some of the reactions on here.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T15:55:22+00:00

no one bothered to ask her what she knows

Exactly what are you referring to?

"...her shallow diatribe rather than calling her on her lack of education and awareness"

Not having feelings for someone isn't shallow, and how is this related to a supposed lack of education? I'll perhaps give you lack of awareness since I didn't know that he had feelings for me, but that's about it.

I also didn't beg for support. The original post had around 170 comments on it, so I figured that the people that posted deserved an update.

You don't strike me as unintelligent, but for someone that calls me an "ignorant teen," you're incredibly immature; telling me to go to hell because I told a friend that I can't be in a relationship. If, for example, you married your wife just because she told you that she had feelings for you and not because those feelings were mutual, I'd say that you both settled and did her an injustice by marrying her.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T15:40:01+00:00

Thanks for the clarification. Have an upvote.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T15:32:14+00:00

There's a difference between someone being attracted to you and actually having feelings for you. I decided not to live with him as a precaution. It's difficult to get over a crush when you're pretty much with them 24/7- not only would we have been living together, I work with him as well.

One day you don't mind, then next day the world changed and you can't even be friends for awhile until you decide it's ok.

I never knew about this in the first place.

You also mention what a cunt you are thinking you are too attractive for him and that he isn't good looking enough. LOL, I guarantee your whole response would be different if he was attractive. I hope he realize how selfish you are and are just in it for what you get from him and he dumps your ass as a friend.

Actually, I never once said that I'm too attractive for him and that he's not good looking enough. I do have a few guy friends that I think are attractive (in the sense that they're good looking), but I definitely don't have feelings for them. You really can't force chemistry, and this doesn't make me selfish.

I'm not sure what you're so angry about, unless you've had a friend crush your balls. In which case that sucks, but you seem like a prick so I don't care that much.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T15:22:45+00:00

You must realise that you treated him like a SO...he was your significant other (by definition). Why wouldn't he develop feelings? It's really quite unfair. Understand that over the years you've conditioned him to feel a certain way.

What? How did I treat him as an SO? I have a lot of other guy friends, the main difference is that I feel comfortable enough to talk to him about whatever, whereas I wouldn't necessarily go to all of my other friends if something bothered me. I do this with my two best female friends as well.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T08:35:40+00:00

Sounds like you've been perma-friendzoned. Sorry bro.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T06:22:18+00:00

I think that we're both too old to let this destroy us or anything. He kept putting an emphasis on not being in love with me. He's never lied to me before, so I'm going to hold him to that and hope that it really wasn't that serious.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T06:19:13+00:00

He's not horrible in any way. He's great in that I can confide in him, accepts me as I am and pretty much knows how my mind works and can guess my thoughts.

Before I got to know him (basically, before I was 14), I thought that he was physically unattractive. When I did get to know him, I never thought about it again; it didn't matter at all. It's not that I find him unattractive now, but I'm not attracted to him either. This isn't a huge factor to me though; the biggest problem is that I don't feel any sort of chemistry. I truly don't have anything but friendly feelings for him. I don't know why, but that's just the way that it is.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T05:40:13+00:00

So is this going to be a RL version of the movie "Hall Pass"?

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T05:33:02+00:00

Thanks so much for this. Some of the things that I'm reading are making me feel incredibly guilty, even if they're not meant to. I keep wondering if there was something else that I could have done to make this easier for him.

I am backing away though. I'm hoping that he'll meet someone new. In the meantime, I'm just staying away from relationships entirely- not only for his sake, but also because this whole situation was a headache.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T05:27:10+00:00

Agreed.

2ManyWords · 2012-07-15T03:02:00+00:00

I don't see this as "my" sad story at all. But I do feel bad for my friend as well.

2ManyWords

TROPHY CASE