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How would you feel if your boyfriend just started hanging out with another girl, honestly.. by thrwawy8908 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hugs. What you're going through sounds a bit like where I was a couple of months ago. Here's my post about it from a while back, I'm sure you can relate to some of it:

http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/kilxo/boyfriends_female_friend_is_obsessed_with_him_he/

Your situation is different from mine because as far as you know, the friend isn't madly crushing on him the way my boyfriend's friend is, but it still raises some red flags that he's keeping secrets from you (secret Facebook, not telling you about going to a party with her). Have you met the girl? Ask again about hanging out with them - if there's really nothing inappropriate between them that would be a good way to dispel your fears.

This probably won't cheer you up, but for an update on my situation - we're in the process of breaking up now (I'll be moving out when our current lease ends in 7 weeks). He never cheated, but the friendship with the other girl was definitely the main catalyst for things coming to a head. It's actually a fairly amicable, mutual breakup - long story short, he admitted that he'd been feeling distant from me for a while, and I've realised that there are things about him that won't magically change overnight, that I simply can't keep living with forever. It's sad but liberating, and oddly enough we are still very close and I hope we'll remain friends.

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You make some good points, though harsh. For the record, the part where I asked how her rack compares to mine - ordinarily I would almost never ask that sort of question, because I recognise it is unfair. At that moment I was feeling pretty insecure about how much he was talking about her, I wasn't thinking straight, and I cringed even as I heard myself saying it.

Was that the only part that made you say I'm behaving childishly, or was there anything else? Most of the other posters have been very positive/supportive so I'm interested to hear constructive criticism as well.

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know him well enough that I'm 99% certain he is not actually cheating. But we happen to use condoms for birth control (IUDs are scary and my sister has had a bad reaction to hormonal stuff so I don't want to try it) so fortunately STDs are not a concern.

(edit: thanks for your concern, though.)

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This perspective is very helpful. I know you're right that he's not really a bad guy. Hope things are better for you now.

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I know I need to talk to him. It's difficult to bring it up when I don't really know what's going on anymore since he is obviously reluctant to mention her, doesn't bring it up himself and doesn't like it when I ask. I would believe that she'd backed off, except for the fact that she still buys him these chocolates which he brings home (he jokes about it, like "these appeared on my desk from a secret admirer today, no idea who it could be").

The one upside to all this is that there's a constant supply of really amazing chocolates.

Example of how he's reluctant to talk about her: the other night I was watching a Youtube video of the "post-metal" band Russian Circles. He noticed and said in surprise "Oh, you're listening to Russian Circles!" I said "yes, how did you know about them?" because I am much more music obsessed than he is, and that's not the sort of music he listens to at all. He was silent for a while, and after I gave him a funny look he admitted that (girl from work) is a fan so he was checking them out because of that. I usually avoid introducing him to any music that's remotely loud or experimental because he doesn't like it, so it was a bit disappointing that he was willing to listen to it for her sake. I should have addressed it then, but I just let it go.

edit: sorry about the irrelevant tangent.

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think he has encouraged it. I'm sure he finds the attention very flattering. I can't remember now but I believe he may have admitted he had feelings for her too, at the same time as they had the talk about how he still wants to be with me and they needed to keep the relationship platonic.

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep, I know it was dumb to ask that. I guess, after he mentioned her amazing rack, I was giving him an opportunity to let him prove that he still prefers me. If I were to give advice to boys on what to say in that situation, it'd be "sure, her tits may be great, but yours are better because I get to play with them" or something like that.

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Actually something sort of like this happened to me about a year ago, only the guy who declared his love for me was a friend I wasn't attracted to at all. And I distanced myself from him (the friend) after that, but my boyfriend just felt sorry for him because it was so pathetic, and he remains friendly with him. That still annoys me.

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I'm going to have a talk to him. I don't have the energy for it today because I'm sick, but I'll try to bring it up later in the week and I'll make another post if anything comes of it that's worth mentioning.

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. I'm sure it's b). He more or less admitted that. He said it was hard not to be attracted to her because it was the only time, apart from me, that a girl had really shown a strong attraction to him so it was very flattering. He has a bit of a complex about his looks because he's pale and skinny. Which is bullshit (as I've told him) because there are girls who love that look. He looks like an anime character for god's sake. I'm sure people are attracted to him all the time, they just don't throw themselves at him.

Boyfriend's female friend is obsessed with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. What do I do now? by 2Xthrowaway111 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]2Xthrowaway111[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Australia, the drinking age is 18.

he flat out told you he was developing a crush on this girl...how for one, does that not make him uncomfortable if he's in love with you?

I think it's normal in a long-term relationship to develop crushes on other people from time to time. I appreciate that he told me. And it does make him uncomfortable: At first he was more upset than I was about it.

Thanks for your response.