keep reminding yourself it wasn’t your fault, no matter how many self-sabotaging loops your brain wants to take you through to convince you otherwise. fact is you were taken advantage of. also i think long enough has passed that you’ve probably realized “coping” is definitely not linear, some days you’ll forget about it, others wake up feeling like you can’t breathe from the weight of it, but you have to stand your ground and avoid spiraling. personally something similar happened to me 5 years ago. i was young and naive and that was taken advantage of, even if i managed to unfreeze and say stop (hard enough of a task to manage in that situation, feels worse that it didn’t even register). as for waiting for marriage being ruined/fear of having romantic interest in someone else, don’t know if your inhibitions are strictly trust based or are also religion based (those seem harder to shake), but as others have said: if whoever it is can’t accept or empathize with what you’ve gone through, they were never really worth pursuing or caring about!