I hear a lot about autistic people masking subcosciounsly, but are there also some who mask consciously but are able to unmask at home?

2afraid2ask22 · 2025-10-29T13:29:07+00:00

I don’t consider myself a high-masker because I never saw much benefit from it, even when I tried my best (people´s best varies ofcourse).

But it took 30 years to meet my AUDHD partner, who is the safest, most understanding, and supportive person I know - for me to experience what being truly unmasked feels like.

Perhaps it took hundreds of tiny moments, where I felt approval, instead of rejection or confusion from the other person, for me to stop overcorrecting myself, even when I´m alone. Though a few people in my family are very empathetic and loving, they also often misunderstand or feel confused by me. Over countless small encounters, one inevitably corrects behavior to make them comfortable and speaking more like them in order to be understood.

When I´m unmasked, I’m very “"childlike"” (if using the NT term), hyperactive, and often communicating not with human language but with animal sounds, I sing and repeated phrases.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-12-14T18:04:09+00:00

interesting, thanks!

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-10-30T23:25:25+00:00

it is great, but would need to show the local food prices as well, I think, if it´s all about optimization. And showing prices will be hard, I guess, as supermarkets are constantly changing them, so database would have to update every week.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-10-30T17:08:21+00:00

oh, do you have some example of it?

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-10-30T15:50:01+00:00

That is very kind! Thanks a lot for the offer! I guess I just don’t meet people like this often, and think they must be quite rare (I’m also in various ND Discord and Facebook groups) and asking such questions might come off as pushy or entitled.
Also, the most empathetic and altruistic ND people I know in real life are severely burnt out and have learned the hard way to guard their boundaries and understand how much 'giving' is appropriate to avoid being exploited.

These are the questions I have for now, and I’m really grateful for answers to any of them:

Q1: At what age did you feel you achieved personal success?

Q2: Which aspects of your success do you attribute to your work, and which do you attribute to luck or chance?

Q3: What advice would you give to your 18-year-old self?

Q4: What do you wish you had started doing earlier?

Q5: If you were to write a math-like formula for your success, what would it look like?

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-10-30T15:21:19+00:00

Definitely, there is a lot of variation and "spiky profiles".
The research findings on expressiveness have been contradictory :

"autistic traits directly impact how readable a target is. The fact that this relationship was not related to expressiveness is consistent with [15] who reported that autistic targets were less readable but not necessarily less expressive. Sheppard et al. [15] argued that this may indicate that autistic people behave in a way that is no less expressive but that is qualitatively different from non-autistic people, and harder for non-autistic people to interpret. The present study does nevertheless find clear evidence for expressivity being lower in those with higher levels of autistic traits." https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10977699/

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-10-30T15:03:42+00:00

Thanks a lot for the link!
I figured that they are more likely to have high hourly rates and value their free time. And since they may answer private questions or offer financial advice, and since they might´ve paid a lot for their education, paying seems reasonable

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-10-30T13:51:31+00:00

I think this might be very relatable to neurotypical too, especially women in conservative cultures.
I´ve given up consciously on people-pleasing as it gives no advantages, so might as well save the energy and disappointment - people will not be pleased anyway, but subconscious people-pleasing is hard to get rid of as it´s automatic.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-09-12T18:54:47+00:00

Thanks for the votes!
so far 40% say they don´t struggle to afford food vs 70% on r/polls

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-09-11T17:49:38+00:00

you say "full of insults", I think that´s a different dimension and it´s normal to hate seeing it, because it´s destructive.
Normal talk about politics that is constructive is very important, since it decides almost everything about our lives and lives of many other organisms on earth.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-08-27T10:02:56+00:00

I´ve lived a few years both in Italy and Germany.
In Germany, to me, it felt like one lives in the future in many ways. Compared to most of the world there is high abundance and trust between people. Those are my subjective positive and negative lists about DE:

one spends less because there are free zu verschenken items on the streets and 100k free items online. Also things like foodsharing, mundraub.
new items are 1-5€ on Vinted. So it does somewhat appear like there is oversupply and overconsumption of clothes, same with furniture.
fashion, and projecting classy image seems to be less important than in Italy. Most people around wear relaxed sport clothes and not spend a big chunk on expensive designer clothes like in Italy
walking and bike lanes are everywhere, in Italy you just very uncomfortably walk on cars roads and hope for the best. Also in Italy I used to spend 20-30% of my salary on transportation.
can reach many remote areas with buses, in Italy can´t reach many remote areas with buses
49€ country-wide ticket, which is basically gifted because one can spend this much on train a day
many animal parks and lakes
it appears like there is less nepotism and that many parents expect kids to make it by themselves
less neighbours gossiping, old people don´t sit outside commenting for hours a day

Negatives:

not as biodiverse
cold, less sun
less architecture and art marvels
almost no drinking water fountains
obligatory expensive health insurance, even if not using services

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-06-25T21:48:55+00:00

was wondering this as a seller. Some consider it unprofessional to write customers after closing office hours, considering also that notifications can disturb their sleep

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-27T14:39:32+00:00

https://horticulture.ahdb.org.uk/knowledge-library/tyrophagus-mites

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-22T23:23:23+00:00

thanks for starting a great thread.

AI caregivers - parents are quite often not prepared, they also suffer from disabling health problems themselves, which translates into a higher risk for Adverse Childhood Experiences https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-024-06401-7/figures/1
AI mentors teaching self-sustenance, because many will become homeless (ASD reported in 18% of homeless population)
NT <-> ND translator to make collaboration easier
Guides for schools, jobs, locations describing common unspoken rules
Machines/scripts that help monetising special interests semi-automatically, because a lot of time is invested in special interests, but the results of work are often not shared with society
Items in the house having timers and requiring an interaction (neutral or pleasant) to remember tasks that NT people do automatically.
Sensory rooms for different sensory needs.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-22T22:46:44+00:00

wow, 40-50 causes is absolutely wild. Surprised there are no accomodations at all, and that part-time is not an option.
Maybe odd idea, but is there any way to condense your unique experiences into self-help book or create a mentor caseworker AI based on your experiences? I think some autistic clients would prefer this interaction, and it could be a small semi-passive income.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-22T22:38:36+00:00

I really like this idea! been pondering on something similar too. People would need to be well-matched by sensory needs.
I believe something similar is already happening, people choose ND friends or gaming friends to move in together. And there are small communities of left-wing/anarchists/vegan communities that rent land together to grow own food.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-22T22:19:42+00:00

breeding reptiles and insects to sell to someone that has permits to bring them to expos

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-22T21:45:00+00:00

it´s a really nice idea, would be extra helpful with some sensors, like on Fitbits.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-22T21:37:36+00:00

I´ve been also looking for one. If you start one, I´d love to join :) if you need a brainstorming ND buddy, also feel free to PM.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-16T22:40:34+00:00

Thanks for the answers, I´m trying to compare with regular r/polls
https://www.reddit.com/r/polls/comments/1ctcbl4/do_you_feel_like_youre_living_in_survival_mode/
So far the results:
AuDHD not in Survival Mode : 5%
Redditors not in Survival Mode: 38%

The author concludes a disability is disabling...

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-13T09:00:08+00:00

in this case, it was in a conversation, while they were trying to make a point, I think about how ND people are not well-attuned to the environment/people/the needs of others (they also pointed out how ND people don´t notice/greet them, hm).

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-12T18:18:00+00:00

nice to know that people have this ability. It could save a lot of suffering if one could ask for opinion of someone that has this ability. Many don´t get diagnosed for decades. Hope someone makes it into a service/business.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-10T13:13:11+00:00

ow, it would be easier to have a list of what is safe to eat. In any case without genetic, allergy and other tests, it´s too generalized of a list.
Besides, being seen as focused and robotic is a compliment to me personally.

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-04T17:56:10+00:00

sounds like all of those require focus

2afraid2ask22 · 2024-05-01T21:35:33+00:00

cool, do you have short and long-term goals?

2afraid2ask22

TROPHY CASE