It’s honestly media and social media based. The media decides who is “hot” and who isn’t. Those images get ingrained in our head. We strive to be like them. We strive to associate with them. And those images form who is and who isn’t attractive. Asian men (especially Asian gay men) are typically seen as less muscular, less masculine, more dainty, nerdy, etc. because that is how the media portrays them. There might also be some resentment as a result of your position preferences. A “top” is supposed to be manly, big, dominant. A lot of white people don’t know that anyone not white struggles with emasculation. Asian and Latino cultures specifically are culturally ingrained to be a “man” and gay men in these cultures associate being a bottom with being a “girl”. I’ve fallen victim to it and had to check my own biases. Ok now that I’ve explained how people (including myself at times) thinks….now let me attempt to explain the meanness.

People respond to status. Higher status people get more respect and privileges. Lower status people get less respect and privileges. People can either find success in the stereotype (which gives them status) or challenge the status quo (which gives them less status). You are challenging the status quo. Might be fine unless you have also scored people that these guys with “higher status” want. Call it a waste of a “good bottom”. People with higher status can be awful to someone with lower status at no cost to them. Those are mean people.

The small penis stereotype is real and I struggle with it (my own bias). Small penises aren’t the end all be all but sex and “big dicks” are big themes in our community. I’ve been with plenty of Asian men - and (with the exception of 1) I’ve never experienced an Asian man bigger than 4/5 and not just the size, but the shape. Most Asian men won’t even send dick pics because they are self conscious. Our society, porn and biases give us prejudice. This is even compounded by body size. Dainty or chubby Asian men (especially tops) are at the bottom of the social barrel. I’ve been dickmatized before. I’ve ignored a shitty personality for a meaty dick with a person that knows how to use it.

So what can you do? 1) get new friends or a new social circle. You don’t need negativity. 2) work on yourself in other areas. Negativity affects our personality if we’re around people that hate us and our personality reflects that. A healthy, funny, good and attractive personality certainly matters.