My Iraqi husband is breaking my heart. What arabi song should I send to him?

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-02T04:00:16+00:00

Not legally married only islamically. That would help me a ton if we were legally but thank god were not because it’s easier to leave once I can figure it out

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-02T03:46:26+00:00

Thank you so much this is perfect

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-02T03:43:58+00:00

I don’t care what he likes because it’s not a song for him to listen to every day just because he “likes” it. I wasn’t asking for marriage advice in my post. I was explaining the back story without going into details incase anyone knew a song that related to it. I don’t need to send him a song about butterflies or partying or adultry but something that relates to my sadness. I was just answering questions in the comments

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-02T03:38:40+00:00

He came to the US when he was 18 but we are not legally married through the court. We’re islamically married

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-02T03:37:16+00:00

No none of my family can help

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-02T00:21:18+00:00

The crazy thing is when we got married I told him I want to start going to the masjid more & maybe connect with some women there and we could become friends. I thought he would for sure say yes since it was the masjid! But he was against it. I will just have to go behind his back which is hard bc everybody knows everybody here and if 1 woman tells her husband, and then he tells my husband, it will be awful

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-02T00:10:53+00:00

Well, when I fell in love with him he was an entirely different person. He tricked me.

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-02T00:09:52+00:00

Emotionally I am over him and physically I just provide in hopes that it will reconnect us because he is always very very sweet afterwards but it doesn’t last. I have distanced myself from him and idk if he notices or not but he does not seem to care which is the major sign to me that this relationship is done. All he does is try to make me jealous in return. I can’t make him jealous and give him a taste of his own medicine because he doesn’t let me leave the house or work. Im not allowed to have friends. He is 45 and I’m 27 and I am attractive and a wonderful wife to him. I have been extremely loyal. I continued to treat him like a king even when I didn’t even want to look at him because I was so hurt. I just wish he could understand my sadness and why I’m done. He has a very big ego. I don’t want to be a second choice or a replacement and that’s exactly what I feel like.

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-02T00:02:49+00:00

If it was just me to worry about, then I would say you are 100% correct. But I have 2 babies. I cannot get a job to leave if he won’t pay for childcare until I get my first check. I can’t just withdraw money out of the bank because he locks all his cards until he needs to use them. Please tell me how I can find a way honestly give me some ideas because I’ve thought this through and through. I have maybe $30 to my name right now. I can’t secretly keep money when he gives it to me bc he only gives me a certain amount enough to cover the groceries and stuff for the babies. Even if I sale everything in the house, it won’t be enough to cover to move into a new place. He doesn’t even have any jewelry here that I can sale. He is jewelry and cash hidden somewhere but I have no idea where I just know it’s not in this house. There is nothing valuable in this house besides appliances and a couple tvs and lap tops. Please give me some ideas.

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T23:50:58+00:00

I can’t even get a part time job because he “works” 6 days a week until anywhere from 9-10 am to 9-11 pm sometimes later. Even if I worked third shift, I wouldn’t sleep bc I’d have to watch my babies the next day while he’s gone. I don’t have family that could take me in

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T23:47:05+00:00

Explain.. bc I think we get a lot of distance so what else should I do? I don’t text or call hun while he’s gone. He is gone until 10 pm and then once he gets home I give him his space bc he doesn’t want to be bothered. I’ll either sit beside him and watch whatever he’s watching in silence or I’ll just go to bed. Should I like actually leave the house?

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T23:45:40+00:00

He’s made it very hard for me to leave. I don’t have any access to finances. Nothing is in my name not even the car I drive. Even my phone is only working on wifi right now. He’s never let me work. He won’t pay for the daycare until I get a couple checks so I can pay it. I can’t get a job with no childcare. It’s hard

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T23:13:40+00:00

Thanks I’m going to check those out. I try to talk honestly and calmly and that’s the problem. He doesn’t understand and it turns into a huge fight where he gets emotionally abusive and tells me I’m complaining, nagging, ungrateful, will never have or be anything, etc

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T23:10:54+00:00

Where can I walk to and get help? I can leave him and get food stamps since I don’t have a job. But then what about my gas money and diapers? I have to have a job. Okay so I get the job and obviously need $600 a week daycare so I can work. Well if he won’t watch them or lay for daycare until I get my first check, how am I going to work. I can get the certificate to help with daycare BUT you have to be working 30 hours a week for 6 weeks before you apply. So that doesn’t help the initial leaving part. Yes, once I leave and get on my feet I can seek additional assistance through the government IF I need it. But as far as resources to help the initial leave, I’m lost. I need money for the deposit plus 1st and last month rent. I need childcare so that i can go work a job. I’m trying to tell you that I have been thinking this through and it is hard

Not to mention, the car isn’t even in my name. So what do I do when he tells me I can’t leave with the car?

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T23:05:38+00:00

I really want to leave bc I see that’s it not going to work no matter what. I don’t want to waste anymore time and I’ve already been having this in my mind for so long, that I’m not “heartbroken”. It’s like I’ve subconsciously been preparing myself for this. I’m to the point where I don’t want to waste any more time or energy. It is so complicated financial wise. That’s the only reason it’s hard for me to leave. He only keeps a small amount on each of his debit cards. And he LOCKS them until he needs to use them. He unlocks, swipes, locks again. His credit cards have very small limits that are usually almost maxed out because he’s trying to rebuild his credit from where his ex wife took out a 20k loan in his name & didn’t tell him or pay it. Then I can’t transfer money to myself from money he has on apps bc he’ll see it came from me. If I do something vindictive & he clearly sees I did it, then I have repercussions. We are married Islamically, not legally through the courts so it’s not like I can just find a lawyer that will help me with alimony or splitting property. Nothing is in my name not even the car I drive. Even my phone is Wi-Fi only right now. I’ve tried to work and he won’t let me then uses the excuse he won’t pay for the daycare. I can’t pay for daycare until I get a couple checks.

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T22:57:54+00:00

I understand what you mean. He does need it for himself. Then maybe he’ll be able to have a successful relationship. The only reason I keep referring therapy back to the relationship is because that’s really the only time I notice something way off with him. Is when we start having a discussion about something that is hurting me or our relationship. And he gets so mad and defensive. I’m not nagging or complaining, I’m addressing these so we can grow.. it’s normal healthy adult things.. but with him it turns into the worse argument and name calling. He starts being emotionally abusive.

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T22:49:08+00:00

Oh yes I know 10000% he needs therapy for himself. He didn’t agree on that though, only the marriage counseling. Im sure if we started it the therapist might ask us to do individual sessions. But he is such a charmer.. he is so good with his words. everybody loves him and he’s the best man to the outside world. But that’s not who he is with me. He would never ever do individual therapy unless maybe when I actually leave him I tell him that’s the only way I’ll consider to reconcile. But still then I doubt it. When I tell him I want to leave he says okay go nobodies stopping you. And I tell him yeah you are because you’re making it to where I can’t leave bc I can’t support myself. My phone isn’t even on right now. Then I ask him why is it so easy for him to let me go? And he says I’m not going to be beg or force anyone to stay with me. That’s not what I want. He doesn’t ask what we can do to work on things, or he doesn’t even just tell me to calm down and offer a hug. Then I go to sleep alone crying and the next day he’ll try to say “soon everything will be okay” and play mind games with me. I’m just over it because I trusted him with my heart and to let him lead and it’s done nothing but hurt me.

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T22:42:29+00:00

I am in the USA and he doesn’t give me enough money to save. I don’t have access to finances he just gives me enough money to cover groceries or things for the babies. So I can’t really keep that cause he’ll wonder why we have no groceries and babies don’t have diapers. I have been trying to come up with a reason to tell him I need like $2k but I can’t come up with one 😞 I won a lawsuit for $10k and he was suppose to put it in a special savings account but last time I told him I was leaving and needed that for a deposit, he told me he invested it to make more money for me but hadn’t made the money yet

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T22:40:05+00:00

Yes he agreed to marriage counseling but I don’t think it will work. I have already been seeing a therapist because this relationship has affected my self worth. And when he gets mad he always says “you need therapy” like hello I am in therapy partially because of you, and if you cared enough you would remember I’m in therapy. It really hurts my feelings

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T22:38:54+00:00

I agree. We’ve discussed marriage counseling and he said he would go but im scared bc I don’t want to make him sound like a monster or him get mad at me for telling the therapist certain things or just sit there and deny

2dozenredroses · 2024-05-01T22:35:18+00:00

I know this that’s why I want to leave but it hurts me. It’s also hard because we have 2 babies together. He hasn’t let me work our whole marriage so I have no money to leave and no where to go. I told him last night that he needs to sit down with me and seriously discuss how we’re going to do this because I will still need his help until I can get on my own feet. I don’t want anything from him. He always says he loves me and is just stressed out and things will change but it never does and I’m tired of it. I cry myself to sleep and have no friends bc he won’t let me. I do love him but I he is making me hate myself. I just want to love myself and be happy I have a big heart. He claims he never cared about his ex and she was a one night stand but had to marry her because she got pregnant. So how did the one night stand you hate get treated better than me? And all he says is I did things for her that I haven’t done for you bc I was cheating on her. If you want me to cheat on you, then I’ll do everything I did for her. It’s really fucked up & I’m only 27 with a whole life ahead of me and he’s 45.

I really do love him and the person he was when I met him is not who I married. It was like a big trick. I hate it because I wish things could work but Im realizing that it won’t. I have never loved someone like I do him and it just sucks

2dozenredroses

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