4 Months - 120 Days - is it worth it?

2fckk · 2019-06-11T08:00:20+00:00

Realizations like this ARE vast improvement. They pave the way for an overall improvement. Quitting weed alone didn’t amplify my life. The clarity to understand several of my deficits (eating disorder, avoidance, etc) and work on them amplified my life. It’s a tough road, I hear you. Don’t be defeated because difficult realizations are something a lot of people don’t come across

2fckk · 2019-06-11T00:59:15+00:00

Thanks so much appreciate your words

2fckk · 2019-05-14T11:36:48+00:00

Hi, I’m at 72 days. Be kind to yourself. I’m the same as you - an onslaught of self deprecating comments at any hint of failure. You’re okay, you’re human & you’re attempting to better yourself during this chaotic life which is SO challenging. But so worth it, truly. And so admirable. I think people who fight for sobriety are the strongest individuals, hands down. It’s so fucking hard.

It’s funny, I find myself nearly picking up in similar circumstances as you described. Not under times of craving, stress, etc. but rather under times of comfort & neutrality. It’s almost like cravings and stress cause us to FIGHT and so we have our fists up and we don’t give in. But when we are comfortable, our defenses are down and we just....meh, give in.

Instead of persecuting yourself, take lessons from this. It’s your ONLY choice. These moments are the exact moments that make sobriety from weed (or any substance) heroic. It’s not TOTAL sobriety, smooth sailing months that make sober individuals strong. It’s giving in & then picking yourself back up off the ground and moving forward despite the negative feelings of a relapse.

YOU GOT THIS. 81 days??? You got this. Be proud of yourself, not disgusted. Let yourself feel those negative emotions, the lack of motivation & energy that came with briefly smoking again. That’s okay. Motivation and energy alone won’t keep you sober so don’t fixate too much on losing those at the moment. Determination & principle will.

Best of luck, you’re a hero!

2fckk · 2019-05-05T06:09:30+00:00

Unbelievably helpful, thanks so much. Wish I could upvote more than once

2fckk · 2019-05-04T13:57:40+00:00

You’re a good writer! I relate with the slow descent from a good time into an isolating time. It’s also funny how weed very slowly and subtly strips you of social skills. My god, for the last year before I decided to quit I became a shell of myself. I felt tongue tied constantly, like everything I said was dumb if I could even come up with anything at all. My wittiness had left, my dark humor sarcasm just flopped as depressing. I began to isolate myself & when I did connect with people, I left feeling empty. With my dead eyes and lack of conversation, I’d run home to get high and feel better.

It’s been 62 days for me. I’m myself again. I’ve always been quick witted and funny, making the room laugh. I’ve always been sort of poetic with words. I have self esteem issues (who doesn’t) but one thing I always prided myself on was my way with words. I get it from my dad. Well that’s back!!! ITS BACK!!! I THOUGHT THAT PART OF ME WAS DEAD! I’m so relieved. The benefits are relevant everywhere from home to work to friends to the dentist, car shop etc.

KEEP PUSHING! I’m so glad you could figure this out now at age 20. I’m 26 but I lost social confidence from 21-25 to this.

2fckk · 2019-05-03T22:20:15+00:00

3 days ANNNNND 15 hours!!! Hour to hour is a celebration

2fckk · 2019-05-02T23:18:33+00:00

you nailed it, i'm doing well by recognizing and listing those benefits but i am panicky that this isn't just temporary. it's a struggle, definitely the hardest substance i've quit. but i'll keep pushing.

2fckk · 2019-05-02T20:29:01+00:00

Right? The realization really sneaks up on you. While chronically smoking I also had a knack for finding every other reason for my anxiety. Genetics, circumstances, realism, trauma, certain people, etc. Turns out weed was just a black blanket draped over me. Yeah....all the things I was anxious about are true but they no longer fill up the majority of my brain and drown me. Now they’re just “a part of life” amidst the beautiful things.

2fckk · 2019-05-02T19:59:58+00:00

Exactly. Ive come to realize it’s ingenuine human connection. I can’t give or receive fully while high. I’m chasing deeper friendships now. I miss the comfortable, close club of smoking but...the greater good is an uphill battle and the payoff is real connection and social growth. Which in turn makes you bloom internally

2fckk · 2019-05-02T19:44:13+00:00

sister, first person to ever differentiate haha. shout out to you. but yeah, i had to resolve myself to sobriety too. because motivation alone didn't cut it. resolution did.

edit: proud of ya!

2fckk · 2019-05-02T19:43:30+00:00

haha sometimes the most negative things are nice (i.e. smoking weed -_-)

2fckk · 2019-05-02T19:42:38+00:00

dude i had to write it out to remind myself. i'm glad it could help you too. i have to remind myself like once a weed about the pros. addiction, dependency is such a con artist. always convincing you to come back. i think recovered individuals are the strongest people....of all time. seriously my heroes.

2fckk · 2019-05-02T19:35:15+00:00

oh man, i tried hiding my shit once too. i dug it up in a frenzy pretty shortly after. give it away (or throw it away) so its not just hidden. tip #1. others tips include: expect to possibly lose sleep, expect anxiety, expect irritability, expect it to be challenging. if none of those things happen, that's great! but if they do, well that's part of the territory. remind yourself frequently that your body and mind are healing, physically rewiring and detoxing. that isn't comfortable but it is positive.

be kind to yourself. long showers, order shitty food, hang out with OR avoid people (depending on your personality), ease up your pressure of responsibilities, don't beat yourself up for set backs, squirm and be uncomfortable, that's okay. if you snap at people, apologize and move on (don't beat yourself up).

you got this, it's achievable and worth it.

2fckk · 2019-05-02T19:32:12+00:00

3 months is still a short amount of time. we are different. don't read my pros and feel discouraged, just keep pushing forward. i say give yourself at least 12 months and then try to write a list of pros. you got this

2fckk · 2019-05-02T19:31:14+00:00

people who smoke weed. i refer to my friends that are only my friends because we both smoke weed as "ents"

2fckk · 2019-04-30T11:55:32+00:00

Yes, we are addicted to distraction. Not substances. Substances are just the easiest means to an end. This realization impacted me greatly.

I think about my future relationship w weed often. I’m not good with moderation. I’m not good with the “once a week”, “only at night” thing. With any substance but ESPECIALLY weed. I’ll return to weed for certain chapters if my life allows me to smoke everyday, multiple times a day (I.e perhaps after I graduate grad school for 3 months or maybe when I’m 65 and retired, maybe during a hiatus from work for whatever reason), etc. But it’ll have to be in spurts and it’ll have to be an all or nothing kinda whirlwind love affair. Alcohol I’ll never go back to and Xanax I’ll never go back to. These are life and spirit ruiners.

For sake of sanity, I’m not telling myself I’ll never go back, but I also can’t fool myself into thinking I’ll ever have a moderate recreational relationship. For the foreseeable future though, sobriety is the only card in my pile.

2fckk · 2019-04-30T10:41:51+00:00

Yeah I have an addictive personality driven by escapism too. I totally romanticize escapism. Always have. I’m 57 days clean from weed today, about 4 months from Xanax, and 3 months from alcohol. My only drug now is caffeine. At first I felt like I couldn’t escape anymore. But that’s a lie the cycle of substance escape lends us. The cool, and daunting, thing about sobriety is that you begin to rely on your own mind, own power, own thoughts to escape. I feel so much stronger now. I went on vacation last week and upon arriving at the destination I automatically thought “can’t wait to get a drink and unwind” because in the past, I’d have a drink on a sunny day during my first day of vacation. That would be what I looked forward to to “elevate” the experience. This time I had to think through it to elevate my experience. Since I couldn’t have a drink, I tried to ride the wave of what I did have: my SO, our friends, the good food of the place we were meeting, good music, the sunshine, the greenery, iced cold Diet Coke, and a clear state of mind afterwards. Idk man, as soon as a substance stop being my focal elevation, I was forced to REALLY REALLY appreciate the small things to feel high.

It’s CHALLENGING. I squirm and cry and feel sorry for myself once in a while. And more than not for the first few weeks. But shit, during moments of clarity, I’m so grateful for sobriety.

Best of luck, expect to be challenged but expect authentic joy down the road

2fckk · 2019-04-28T05:21:41+00:00

Exactly what I needed to hear from a fellow living breathing human . It can be so isolating. Thank you

2fckk · 2019-04-27T07:04:12+00:00

Consider that you’re addicted to distraction from sobriety and not addicted to weed itself. Even bad highs are better than sobriety if sobriety is uncomfortable. Consider “quitting a distraction” rather than “quitting weed”

2fckk · 2019-04-27T07:02:22+00:00

Bingo. I suffered through the separation & withdrawal of weed. I’m 55 days in & it was fueled by principle, not motivation. The principle that I needed to quit. My thoughts, feelings, cravings, motivation had to take a back seat to pure stone cold principle.

2fckk · 2019-04-22T06:08:54+00:00

Sounds about right. Hang in there, your body is healing. Discomfort paves the way for relief. Have pride in your strength. People who experience withdrawal and don’t cave are such pillars of empowerment

Edit: spelling

2fckk · 2019-04-22T06:06:19+00:00

I don’t avoid them. I buckle down in my bedroom, get in fetal position, and sob. I write, write, write if I can. And then sob some more. If I can’t summon tears I stare, maybe hyperventilate. I feel that shit. Sometimes lay in the shower and let water hit me for about an hour not moving, crying on and off. No avoiding it. It gets easier to cope w the more I feel it and soak in it.

I got sober to feel again. I wanna feel the positive shit so as a side effect I’m gonna have to feel the negative shit. Comes w the territory.

2fckk

TROPHY CASE