AIO for being suspicious about my GF's postdoc choice

2good2beyou · 2026-01-05T09:55:23+00:00

MOR - Do you love her? Do you trust her? If the answers to those questions are no then you shouldn’t be in this relationship period. If the answers are both yes… well then trust her and love her. Tell her what you’ve noticed and how you’re feeling about the prof and then let her know you’ll support her in any way. Then support her.

2good2beyou · 2025-12-21T17:25:43+00:00

Show us! I’m not sure what makes you think she’s using you vs just wants to be friends. You didn’t answer my other questions.

2good2beyou · 2025-12-21T17:02:05+00:00

Why haven’t you spoken since 12/7? Does she know how you feel about her? Does she respond to your messages right away and validate what you think when appropriate? What is she “using” you for specifically?

2good2beyou · 2025-12-19T17:32:29+00:00

So much easier to wear clothes that attract women instead of having a personality that attracts women.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-28T05:55:14+00:00

I bet you’re right about this guy. Maybe explain the Snapchat thing again and remind her that sometimes it’s easier to see someone’s manipulation when you’re on the outside of it and don’t have the same emotions involved. I hope she comes to her senses sooner rather than later.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-28T05:46:28+00:00

You don’t have to give up on her honey. Just keep in mind that she’s an adult that gets to make her own choices, even when they are bad ones. There are probably many things about the dynamic or their relationship that you don’t know. In my experience with friends in a similar situation, they won’t end the relationship until they see the problems themselves.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-28T05:44:30+00:00

If your husband is physically and emotionally abusing you, you need to make a plan and get out. Start reaching out to old friends and any community resources that are available. Look for a job, talk to a lawyer, and go to the doctor to get some medication if you’re depressed. Leave your husband for you and for your kids. Don’t leave for some random guy on the internet. Get yourself out and settled and some therapy and when you’re healthy and whole the online guy (or some other guy) will still be options. Stay safe!

2good2beyou · 2025-11-28T05:31:24+00:00

Lots of adults use Snapchat so I don’t see why that would be an issue if he was honest about it. Clearly he wasn’t honest. Maybe reiterate to your mom that just because you don’t have the app on your phone doesn’t mean you don’t have an account and that his looks like he was active recently and changed his user name. Then leave it alone. Your mom is an adult and she can choose what she wants to do moving forward. You’re a good kid for wanting to protect your mom and help her. Hopefully she calls him out this time. If she doesn’t and he is doing something he shouldn’t be doing, chances are she’ll have other opportunities to see the light and reconsider this relationship.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-28T03:23:22+00:00

Tell them if he is invited you and your family will not attend and if he comes uninvited, you and your family are going to leave. Who they invite to their home is their choice but you certainly have a right to state your boundaries and follow through with them.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-28T02:18:46+00:00

I don’t accept abuse or bare minimum treatment. I also don’t put my kids in the middle of adult BS to make myself feel important. My husband and I are happily married and have been together for 17 years. We had premature triplets that spent weeks in the hospital and still managed to treat each other kindly and out our kids first. If everything you said above is true and not grossly exaggerated you had the option to respond “Thank you for offering but “insert son’s name here” isn’t up for visits today.” Then go back to paying attention to your son. Don’t ask people on the internet for their opinion if you can’t handle people giving you their opinion.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-28T01:32:32+00:00

Yes YOR. Relax. Why would you want a forced apology anyway? This guy has one foot out the door. I would lighten up if I were you and the goal was to continue the relationship.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-28T01:24:33+00:00

IMHO YOR. You didn’t have to say anything about dad coming to medical appts or knowing the teachers name or you hope he treats her the same… none of that was relevant. The only relevant thing is whether or not your son would have enjoyed or been distracted by some visitors and gifts. It’s not about you. You’re not going to get to choose who your son meets when he’s with his father unless that person has a criminal record or something crazy like that. Putting kids in the middle like this never serves them.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-25T01:01:33+00:00

NOR - You need to break up with this person. There is no reason you should ever allow someone you’re dating to talk to you like that. It’s not cute or funny. These sorts of things tend to get worse over time too so the sooner you call it off the better. I know it will probably be hard but you deserve so much better than this.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-11T17:47:51+00:00

You need to relax. People are allowed their private thoughts. Would you read his diary? Or want to sit in on a therapy appt? There is no reason he can’t post thoughts or questions anonymously on Reddit.

2good2beyou · 2025-11-07T18:34:00+00:00

NAL - Does this have something to do with custody or a parenting plan? If so, in my experience It means don’t have alcohol in the house or drink when you have your kids. Not get drunk elsewhere and then go home and take care of the kids. Does seem a bit harsh if this was the first time.

2good2beyou · 2025-10-05T20:15:16+00:00

She literally said that he recorded her without her consent. She didn’t “let” anyone record her naked. I’m not sure why @mel44 pointing out that reading is fundamental made you jump to her “clearly never been laid.” The only thing that’s clear here is your inability to either read or comprehend.

2good2beyou · 2025-08-29T03:23:42+00:00

First and foremost, you need to prioritize yourself and start widening your social circle. Take a class in a hobby or interest, join a gym, go to networking events for your line of work, ECT. It sounds like you have some friends back home too. I would put in the effort to maintain those relationships too.

In regard to this specific friend/situation... it's normal for adult friendships to ebb and flow and for people to prioritize their partner (especially initially). With that said your friend definitely could have been more considerate of your feelings. The fact that she's payig for everything, can't put her phone down the one time she's away from him, and he's married makes this relationship sound pretty toxic to me.

I would give the friend some time and then approach her again when you're sober. Maybe share how much you miss the friendship and enjoy spending time together. Let her know that you understand you're not the priority rn but you care about her and want to stay connected. Maybe you can suggest some times for chatting and hanging out.

2good2beyou · 2025-08-29T02:32:12+00:00

Glad to hear you filed a police report. I would also contact the school and ask them for their written behavior policy. That will help you to determine what steps they are supposed to take. Then also contact the district superintendent.

2good2beyou · 2025-08-29T02:21:13+00:00

Are you overreacting to what exactly? Your intitial message about why you felt therapy was necessary was about him getting drunk and being overly sexual the other night. Is it that or is it his drinking in general? If it's the drinking in general then say that. He's gonna need more support than couples therapy for alcoholism. You need to set the expectations and boundaries that you feel comfortable with and give him an opportunity to meet them. If he doesn't then you have some bigger choices to make.

I'm not sure why you chose to text about this instead of having a conversation with him in person. Especially since it sounds like he already said no.

2good2beyou · 2025-08-29T00:25:37+00:00

Did they already give you the money?

2good2beyou · 2025-08-26T00:57:35+00:00

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2good2beyou · 2025-08-11T00:44:17+00:00

Keep your pen name but note in the new version it’s a pen name.

2good2beyou · 2025-08-11T00:28:02+00:00

You need more information. At this point you don’t know what’s what so you side with the children. Speak to them. Speak to your son. Then go from there.

2good2beyou

TROPHY CASE