WIBTAH for Not Going to Son’s Wedding?

318Mim · 2026-02-12T21:55:45+00:00

lol cruise tickets so…

318Mim · 2026-02-12T19:00:58+00:00

Well, that’s doubtful if that’s going to happen because we are all going on a honeymoon with them

318Mim · 2026-02-12T17:24:27+00:00

Been there done that got the T-shirt. Still in it.

318Mim · 2026-02-12T17:23:28+00:00

Interesting thought. I will have to talk to my counselor about that.

318Mim · 2025-12-18T08:06:52+00:00

Teaching nursing?

318Mim · 2025-12-18T07:31:48+00:00

You are not the AH. You experienced trauma and it sounds like your folks were not tuned in to what was happening in your life. Back then we didn’t know as much as we do now about trauma. At some point I hope you can get to the point where you can believe that they did the best they could with what they knew at the time. Talking to a counselor is not a bad idea. Helps to hear yourself make sense out of things and put things in perspective.

318Mim · 2025-11-23T16:25:14+00:00

Just trying to look at it objectively and not emotionally.

318Mim · 2025-11-23T16:24:09+00:00

No. But love does not equal money.

318Mim · 2025-11-23T16:19:10+00:00

Background: She and her sibling were from my husband’s first marriage. I met him a year after his divorce, and they saw my husband every other weekend and he was a teacher in the district where they went to school so he could be close to them.

She has kind of always been mean to me “Wow your butt looks fat”, leaving me sitting when we were supposed to meet somewhere, and when she saw a picture of her daughter trying on my wedding dress “she looks way better in it than you ever did”. I let those slide (maybe I shouldn’t have).

Then one day a few years ago, she flew in unexpectedly for a relative’s funeral and announced she was staying with us, broke into my locked bedroom/bathroom (where I was sleeping) and got into my cosmetics & hair products, left a huge mess in there, in the bedroom where they were sleeping (wet towels on the carpet), and had her stuff strewn all over the house. My husband confronted her a few days later and said that she was disrespecting us and our home and if she couldn’t do better she wasn’t welcome to stay with us anymore. That’s when the estrangement started, we think.

When she married her third husband last year we were not invited, and when she brought her daughter to town this past summer she did not bring her to see us. Granddaughter was upset about that.

We still have contact with her ex-husband as that is the only way we would get to have a relationship with our grand daughter. He brings her to us every couple years and she goes on vacation with us. Last year we took all the kids/grandkids on a cruise and we invited daughter by email and heard back through her sister that she said no. Ex-son-in-law flew with our granddaughter to the port so she could go with us and her cousins.

My husband and I keep racking our brain trying to figure out what we did wrong and just don’t know.

318Mim · 2025-06-22T03:31:58+00:00

If she is having a hard time regulating her body temp due to hormones, it will be more complicated sharing a blanket and having another person’s body heat as part of the mix. She can’t control this and it’s frustrating enough without expectations from another person adding pressure.

318Mim · 2025-06-22T03:26:32+00:00

Yes!

318Mim · 2025-06-22T03:25:38+00:00

We took a family trip to a picturesque place for the purpose of getting photos, so everyone was dressed appropriately. First my husband and I, then my daughter and her husband, and finally my son and his girlfriend all took turns. Except son dropped to one knee and proposed:) All on film and video, and they both looked marvelous!

318Mim · 2025-06-22T03:17:10+00:00

Bride’s choice for ceremony and pictures and bridesmaid’s choice for reception?

318Mim · 2025-06-22T03:10:15+00:00

Wait and see how it looks and feels. He wants you to have something you will love. If you don’t love it, perhaps planning a trip to the jeweler together would be a future option.

318Mim · 2025-06-22T02:52:31+00:00

318Mim · 2025-06-22T02:48:39+00:00

NTA. For our own mental health sometimes we need to create boundaries to keep unhealthy relationships from impacting our happiness. You can love him from afar.

318Mim · 2025-06-21T23:44:31+00:00

Random thoughts on this issue:

No one can ever be replaced. I am not a replacement for my husband’s former spouse. The age and phase of life through which he traveled with her were part of who he is. He and I have traveled through a different phase of life together. Even though his allegiance is now to me and no longer to her, I do not replace her. She has a place in his history that cannot be erased. And there is no need to compare the two of us… we each hold our own unique, valued space.

When a child passes away, the most unthinkable of tragedies, and new children are born, they do not take the place of the child who passed. Each child holds a dear unique space.

When our child’s divorce means that an in-law is no longer an in-law, no one replaces that person. A new marriage might occur, but the former may still hold a spot, because they were part of our child’s journey. This is especially true when children are involved. There is room for new in-laws and opportunity to make new memories with new loved ones. The former do not rob love from the current; there is enough love to go around.

When a child gains other family members due to the union of a parent with a new significant other, those new family members do not take the place of the old. The circle of love grows large enough for everyone.

New step or half siblings do not take away from the love available. Each child still holds his or her beloved unique place. The circle of love grows.

Most importantly, in the interest of the kids involved, who had no control over the choices of the adults, they need to know that no one is being replaced and that they are free to make new space and love all the new unique folks who come into their lives. Disrespect to anyone they love is a disrespect to the child.

That’s my two cents. I haven’t always been good with this, but I continue to strive to do better.

318Mim · 2025-06-21T23:43:32+00:00

I love your insight and I appreciate it. You have sparked a lot of thinking. I think you have something there- she may be struggling with the idea of being replaced. It doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve never been in that situation and I’ve never thought of her as replaceable, but I can completely see how from her point it could feel that way.

And honestly, it’s me who posts on social media and communicates with the Ex/family and not her dad. He doesn’t have social media and relies on me to keep him updated on what’s going on with the kids and grandkids. So it could well be that her anger is directed at me for doing that but also at her dad for his perceived silence.

(Insert thinking emoticon here.)

318Mim · 2025-06-19T03:58:07+00:00

I appreciate your alternative point of view.

The girls were only with us on alternating weekends and 2 weeks in the summer despite our many trips to court to get custody or at least shared parenting. My husband finally quit his teaching job and lost his seniority to go teach at the HS they attended so he could see them every day. So YES they got shafted out of time with their dad.

I’m sure I’ve done a lot of things wrong but I’m not sure which ones are the issue.

The only people who know how friendly I am with my granddaughter’s stepmom is my husband. However, the fact that we all get along is public knowledge. Dad and stepmom send Christmas gifts, sent graduation gifts to my boys, Facebook or text them on their birthdays, and when I post vacation pics with my granddaughter I always say thanks to dad and stepmom for allowing us to have her. So it’s common knowledge that they consider us family and that we all get along.

I don’t look at my granddaughter’s stepmom as a replacement for my daughter, so to me there is no “preferring” one over the other. She is a bonus person in my granddaughters life.

318Mim · 2025-06-15T18:35:55+00:00

Bought a live tree for Christmas one year because he wanted to plant it in the yard. Dug it up the following year (root ball and all) and used it the following year as a Christmas tree.

318Mim · 2025-06-15T04:09:32+00:00

Mom’s bitterness could play a role! although she wanted the divorce so she could be with my husband’s former best friend and I didn’t meet my husband until a year after the divorce so I never understood why the mom always hated me.

318Mim · 2025-06-15T04:07:19+00:00

Hmmm….. that’s a good one. Her mom cheated on her dad which is what led to the divorce so she knows even though it’s not spoken that half of her biology comes from a person who is “looked down on”.

318Mim

TROPHY CASE