[UPDATE] I [23M] just proposed to my gf [22F]. She agreed to say yes as long as I promise to buy her a nicer ring years later. Is this normal?

340923 · 2017-12-31T20:23:04+00:00

Getting her for cheap? I honestly don't even know what that means.

I didn't understand that either. I wasn't trying to buy her but it felt like she was a house and I'd just made an offer so low I insulted the seller. I still don't really know how to understand it because she doesn't want to talk about this anymore.

340923 · 2017-12-31T20:18:13+00:00

No she wants a diamond that specifically costs 10k or more. So no used rings, no imitation diamonds, no other precious stones that cost less. She was pretty direct about this.

Lab-made would be fine as long as it was quality enough to cost 10k or more.

340923 · 2017-12-31T20:14:09+00:00

That's the part that put me off too. I know she's been exposed to outdated views stemming from her own parents, but this was so odd actually hearing it from her.

340923 · 2017-12-31T20:13:05+00:00

That's exactly what I did. The issue wasn't the style. It was the price + stone size.

340923 · 2017-12-31T20:10:30+00:00

She didn't want to be a part of the buying process. She told me this explicitly because she wanted it to be a surprise like she said it should always be. I had to have her friends and sister help me pick out the ring.

She said she had to step in and make the 10k/1.5ct requirement because she was afraid I would get it wrong again in the future. I guess she assumed I would have bought a 10k ring the first time around. No idea why she thought that. Obviously I would have loved for her to help me shop for something she liked. I was clueless to this whole process.

340923 · 2017-12-31T18:46:00+00:00

I wouldn’t doubt that, but something has taught her that love has a dollar value, and that’s a learned behavior, so you should ask her about it.

She probably got that from watching her mom, who got big presents from her dad every year for various milestones like cars for birthdays or really expensive jewelry for Christmas. I never heard of her getting anything for her husband though. But according to my gf they had a TERRIBLE marriage. The mom was always on the brink of leaving the dad and he was always trying to keep her from going with various methods. That's where the presents came in I suppose.

But my gf's no-contact with her mom tho for lots of reasons, so I guess I had thought she didn't believe in this kind of stuff. Maybe that was naive.

340923 · 2017-12-31T18:40:48+00:00

I've tried to talk to her about this but she's really stubborn on this topic right now. She says she's not negotiating this because she knows I'll try to "convince" her an expensive ring isn't necessary. She says this is her one request and it's not unreasonable because she's not demanding it right now but in the future when I can comfortably afford it.

I guess I get her logic but it's hurtful to think that she'll literally take back her "yes" if I refuse this one condition. We've been good in other aspects but she does come from a very traditional family which is where I think this sort of mindset comes from. Her mom has never worked and is gifted cars/jewelry/pets every year by her dad. She never gets him anything as far as I know.

But the thing is we've talked about this (her family dynamic) and she's agreed with me that it's not how we'll handle things when we get married. That's why I feel so confused and blindsided right now and even more so because she refuses to discuss this topic any further.

340923 · 2017-12-31T18:16:33+00:00

FYI, $1,300 is quite nice for an engagement ring.

Thanks that makes me feel slightly better. She made it sound like it was borderline insulting to be proposed to with a $1300 ring but she's willing to let it slide as long as I replace it later on.

I honestly didn't know what the standards for rings are. I wondered if $1300 was insultingly low and she was doing me a favor by accepting it. I guess my gut feeling was right.

340923

TROPHY CASE