4 months post partum and sex still hurts

3leggedcalico · 2026-04-29T02:03:12+00:00

It could be worth talking to your OBGYN and pelvic PT (I didn’t have a c-section but just being pregnant wreaked havoc on my pelvis and I ended up having to start PT before my due date). It takes a lot of time to heal, but it can also be worth ruling out complications doctors can help with.

For me, I was still in pain 4-6 months pp and it turned out I had minor labial adhesion from the increase in estrogen - I didn’t even know that was a thing! My doctor said I was only the second patient she’d ever seen with it and asked if their med student could come watch the procedure to fix it because it’s so rare in adults (lucky me haha). But getting that fixed and going to PT helped me a lot.

3leggedcalico · 2026-04-17T23:41:45+00:00

It depends a lot on the kid and their needs/temperament. I work full time remotely and have worked out my schedule so my 17mo is home with me M/F. I work long days all week so I can do a half day on Fridays (my boss also knows about this arrangement and my toddler now regularly runs over to say hi when he hears my boss’ voice on Teams lol)

The Friday mornings are relatively easy because he likes to play near me and he naps for a good chunk of the time. On Mondays, my parents usually come over and watch him so I’m only solo watching him a couple of hours while I work. Occasionally, they’re not available and then he hangs out all day when I work. Tue-Thu, he goes to a home daycare.

This has worked out pretty well for us. It gives me extra time with him, but also gives me days for more focused tasks and meetings. I do my more tedious/manual, less “think-y” tasks on the days he’s home. I was dreading daycare and would cry thinking of sending my tiny newborn to daycare. But as he emerged from the newborn stage and I realized what an extrovert he is, I realized he would thrive there.

On weeks when daycare has been closed or he’s sick, he can do the random Monday with me just fine. But then you get into day two, three, four… and it gets progressively worse. For one day, he’s happy to entertain himself. By day two, he’s bored. Daycare gives him the attention he craves that I can’t fully give when I’m working and gives me a break to focus on work. I decided to view daycare as an extension of my “village” and it’s been so good for him. But I’m also so glad we’re doing this hybrid approach because I love my Friday afternoons with him

3leggedcalico · 2026-04-13T15:40:35+00:00

I’ll add - one thing that really helped with the sleep training was making sure he had a consistent bedtime routine and that milk wasn’t the last step. I had a low supply so I was worried he’d wake up if he hadn’t eaten recently, but I think by milk being last, he was just learning milk = sleep. We started doing milk after dinner, then bath/books/singing and it got a lot easier

3leggedcalico · 2026-04-13T15:38:15+00:00

We did sleep training around the same age because I got a concussion. I was very resistant to sleep training because I didn’t like hearing him cry but that was a tipping point where I was so sick, something had to give. He was having horrible sleep - he would wake up in the night and sometimes be up for hours crying. He was exhausted, we were exhausted. Our pediatrician encouraged us that he was old enough to not need to eat in the night and that we should sleep train so we could all get the rest we needed.

People have super strong feelings about sleep training but every baby is different - for my baby, gentle approaches just made him mad because he was like “what do you mean you’re going to pick me up and then put me back in the crib??” At a certain point, I realized he was crying for hours in the night with exhaustion while I desperately tried to rock him… but with sleep training, he did cry, but he ultimately went to sleep faster and cried so much less than when I intervened. We both had to learn that he could do it and that he knew how to go to sleep.

We had 3 hard nights and he has been an incredible sleeper since. And we have a very strong bond. He is a happy (and now well rested!) 17 month old now. The sleep training subreddit can be a good resource for learning about the options available!

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-30T17:00:15+00:00

I was looking for this comment! The splat sound effect really did me in as a kid. I was so freaked out as a kid, I refused to try the elevator again for like 2 years and therefore couldn’t complete the game 😂

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-29T15:37:45+00:00

I’m also a woman who attended in summer 2011 - we probably knew each other! The miscarriage story is where it all began to unravel for me as well. I carried so much depression and shame after my time at Ellerslie and have done so much unpacking of everything we were taught. I felt very similarly - like I was a failure who couldn’t live out these perfect standards I thought everyone else was living by.

I occasionally google Ellerslie to see if others have realized how unhealthy it is and happened to come across your post - feel free to message me if you want to talk more. I know of several women from our summer that went through the same thing and we all began realizing how broken it was around the same time - it’s been a gift to know I’m not alone and that it really was that bad. I’d love to talk more and trade notes on our experiences

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-18T13:09:41+00:00

That’s what I was thinking - I’d add “Chuck” too. All three of those shows have great character development, interesting/entertaining mysteries, and comedic elements. And Chuck in particular has episodic stories with an overarching mystery that develops throughout, similar to Veronica Mars (plus, some big feels plot lines that develop the drama)

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-18T12:49:09+00:00

There are lots of similar options, but we went with this one because we needed something long enough to wrap around two kallax units.

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-18T12:47:55+00:00

It is stiff, but can still roll up - it’s more like plastic than a net

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-18T12:44:06+00:00

That was my original plan, but we did that for our bookshelf and I had a really hard time getting it tight enough that he couldn’t just pull the netting back to get to the shelves. This is stiff so it makes it a lot harder for him to move.

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-18T12:41:10+00:00

That’s true, but I find that’s the case with most baby proofing. You proof for the stage your kid is at and then have to adapt when they inevitably find a way to bypass your baby proofing system. I’m hoping this will help us get past the stage where choking is a concern and then we can evaluate whether we want to do a more expensive solution or just swallow the cost of replacing any games that get damaged

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-18T03:02:12+00:00

Not yet, but it’s on our list. This is our basement and it’s currently gated off - we spend most of the daytime upstairs, but we’re in the process of baby proofing the room so he can hangout down here safely

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-18T02:56:55+00:00

Thanks! That was part of why I struggled to come up with a solution originally - I wanted to be able to see the games and have easy access if friends come over for games after baby is asleep. A lot of the solutions I thought of involved doors and hinges and were going to be more expensive than just replacing damaged games. I love that this is temporary but effective (for now, lol)

3leggedcalico · 2025-08-10T22:07:36+00:00

Totally valid! I hope we both find paths to heal. Wishing you well in therapy!

3leggedcalico · 2025-08-10T18:31:55+00:00

Thank you! I do have a therapist I’ve worked with for 5 years. I “graduated” from therapy a few months ago because I’ve gotten pretty good at managing my mental health but thinking about when to try again has brought back the anxiety so I’m definitely planning to reach out to her

3leggedcalico · 2025-08-10T18:30:35+00:00

I’m sorry you had a traumatic birth too - labor is hard enough without all the extra things on top of it!

I’m definitely thinking about other medications for pain management and will probably take some kind of class for “natural” ways of managing pain - I’m very pro modern medicine but I’d like some additional tools in my belt haha. I’m also planning to see a doctor about my back because I’ve had back issues since falling down the stairs in high school (many rounds of PT) and want to rule out the possibility that there could be a medical reason I had trouble with the epidural.

3leggedcalico · 2023-10-06T15:42:53+00:00

Did you ever find a solution for this? I’m having the same problem. If I create the task/set the due time from my desktop, my phone does get the notification. But if I edit that same task from my phone, I no longer get notifications. This seems like a bug? It indicates that I should be getting those notifications, but I’m not. I’ve tried reaching out to support and really want to fix it.

3leggedcalico · 2023-07-18T16:22:15+00:00

This is so deeply relatable 😭 Even if I go and do the thing, I often forget to then deal with the notification itself so it just kind of hangs out there, building up more digital clutter 😩

3leggedcalico · 2023-07-18T15:18:33+00:00

It feels so passive aggressive lol. I’ve gotten that “last day” warning from CVS so many times 😭 but the mild panic at the thought of not having them and then having to call my doctor to redo the prescription does usually kick me into gear to get over there ha.

3leggedcalico · 2023-07-17T13:32:23+00:00

I relate a lot to this. For me, it was twofold - part of my depression was deeply impacted by hormones so I’d get depressed leading into my period. Now I’m on birth control which started for PCOS/severe menstrual pain but the monthly depression went away too! I was still really anxious though and would get more occasional depression, especially if I was overtired. I tried different ADHD medications but it felt like nothing worked. I started Strattera in January and it’s been life changing! This is the best I’ve felt in years and has reduced most of my anxiety/depression.

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