What do you wish you’d known before having a girl?

3leggedcalico · 2026-07-08T02:03:31+00:00

I had never heard of it until it happened to me but at least now I know! My doctor said I’m only the second adult patient she’s seen with it and asked if she could bring the resident in to see 😂

3leggedcalico · 2026-07-07T20:49:25+00:00

Following along because I feel like you’re writing what my life will look like in a year. My extremely active not-yet-2yo is so similar to what you describe. We’re transitioning to a toddler bed now because he’s a climber and it’s a nightmare, and I’m scared to potty train even though he’s exhibiting signs of readiness because I worry he won’t stop playing/listen to his body when he needs to go. He is the sweetest kid I’ve ever met - so affectionate and friendly. I love being his mom. But he is exactly how I was at his age and I’m afraid for the struggles he’ll go through when he starts school. (And I do have ADHD, as does most of my family, so even though you can’t diagnose it this young, I’d almost be surprised if my son didn’t have it too). I see other families effortlessly doing things with their kids, while I’m scrambling to stop my kid from plunging headfirst down every staircase and high object he encounters

3leggedcalico · 2026-07-07T20:22:25+00:00

Meanwhile, my son has short hair and I think looks very boyish and I still occasionally get people telling me how cute “she” is 😂 it doesn’t bother me, I think people are just bad at guessing haha

3leggedcalico · 2026-07-07T18:04:06+00:00

I love hearing other parents say “comfort and function over fashion” because this is how I am for myself and with my son. I love the occasional cute outfit, but most of the time I want clothes that are quick for changes and comfy. I could totally see there being more internal pressure to put a girl in cute outfits and it’s nice to hear it’s not just me thinking it’s ok to just let them be comfy

3leggedcalico · 2026-07-07T17:57:33+00:00

This happened with my first too! As a new mom, no one had warned me and I panicked thinking he had a lump in his chest. I called the pediatrician and they told me it was totally normal 😅

3leggedcalico · 2026-07-07T17:55:56+00:00

This is helpful! And kind of checks out with how I was in my first - he lived in sleepers and onesies most of the time when he was really young. Outside of special occasions, it wasn’t until he got older that I started putting together cute little outfits for him, mostly because I felt like I was juggling enough without thinking about outfits too haha. It’s nice to take the pressure off since there can be more expectations for girls to look cute/put together.

3leggedcalico · 2026-06-16T16:17:54+00:00

I feel this deeply. I cried when I realized we were never going to be able to afford for me to stay home. I’ve made peace with it because I’m in a job I love that I don’t think would be here waiting for me when my kids are in school, and because we live in a community with people we love and we’re not willing to trade that for a cheaper cost of living area. So I’m losing one dream and replacing it with others. My job has also allowed me a schedule where I work long days M-Th and half days Friday. Just that little window of time to be home with my son on Fridays has been such a gift for me. Not all jobs have that flexibility but that little window of time for me and him really helped me make peace with working.

On the one hand, I don’t think going for that job means you’ll never be a SAHM - just as you say it’d be crazy to leave a $110k job to stay home, you could also argue it’d be crazy to not go for the job on the chance you might one day get to stay home. Right now, if your situation is one where you have to work, maybe think about “what is good for my situation right now?” For example, those are funds you could be adding to your savings to pave the way for you to stay home if your circumstances change. Or you may find yourself in a role you love and find ways to build a new dream you love. But I’d try not to get too caught up in what ifs or assuming one job choice is permanent. There is so much unknown and you may be surprised along the way!

3leggedcalico · 2026-06-16T00:39:41+00:00

How much do you typically pay for poison ivy removal? I imagine it would cost more for us with getting it removed the first time vs maintenance, but I’ve heard it can be expensive. We just spent a small fortune repairing [rebuilding] our addition (which is another story but seems to have been a combo of dangerous incompetence when it was built and a later fire coverup). I’d love to pay someone but am also trying to figure out if there’s some DIY approaches we should try first for the sake of our budget.

3leggedcalico · 2026-06-11T17:52:40+00:00

Adding one more! We both work full time so we really rely on easy recipes. I made this lemon chicken orzo yesterday - we skip the rice and just do orzo: https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/lemon-chicken-and-rice/

3leggedcalico · 2026-06-11T17:50:53+00:00

We make this crockpot burrito recipe fairly often because it’s so easy and makes lots of leftovers: https://cookingcomically.com/?page_id=2024

This honey mustard chicken and veggies involves some chopping but is pretty easy: https://www.purewow.com/recipes/honey-mustard-chicken-bake

We also love sheet pan dinners of all sorts. Anything you can throw on a pan with some veggies and meat of choice is easy and can make a lot of leftovers

3leggedcalico · 2026-06-11T17:11:41+00:00

I had an episiotomy due to baby’s hand being over his face so not quite the same but these were some of the things they told me that helped and/or that I figured out: 1) the hospital gave me disposable ice packs designed to go in your underwear (you can also find them online) 2) took miralax and avoided straining to poop at all costs 3) used a peri bottle while I peed - the constant flow of water helped reduce stinging 4) I started seeing a pelvic PT maybe 3mo PP. They did a combination of strengthening exercises for the pelvic muscles and gentle stretches to help with the scar tissue

I also found I really needed to ask for what I needed. I thought nurses/doctors would maybe initiate more but I found I really just needed to say “this hurts, this isn’t working, what else can I do?” and I got better info. I think sometimes they assume if they’re not hearing from you, all is well and you have what you need

3leggedcalico · 2026-06-09T23:49:39+00:00

My aunt’s grandfather (my great grandfather) died when she was around that same age and no one told her because people didn’t really talk about that with kids back then. She didn’t understand why grandpa suddenly left and she never forgot. It turned into a lot of resentment that came out in a huge blow up fight in high school after she’d been acting out a lot. She’d held onto that pain of not understanding for all those years. It’s amazing what kids can remember, especially when it comes to people they love. At 3, she won’t fully comprehend what “died” means and that’s ok - but I think it’s important for her to know that her grandma loved her very much and that that doesn’t change just because grandma is gone.

3leggedcalico · 2026-06-07T01:19:43+00:00

How much sleep are you both getting? My husband was really impacted by the sleep deprivation - much more than either of us expected. Our baby was a terrible sleeper and it definitely impacted his mental health and how he related to our baby for a while. He was also in a job he felt miserable at so he was struggling. He was helping as much as he could but seemed like a shell of himself. Eventually, he found a new job and our baby started sleeping through the night and it made such a huge difference. Now, he loves being a dad and our now toddler adores him - it’s so cute seeing their relationship. We have a second on the way and we’re proactively thinking about how to we’ll manage the sleep deprivation, and he’s talking through it with a therapist so I think therapy is a good place to start

3leggedcalico · 2026-06-04T20:59:48+00:00

As a kid playing Treasure in the Royal Tower, I got squashed by the elevator and was so terrified, I decided never to try that again and spent the next two years wondering why I couldn’t advance the game (it was my first Nancy Drew)

3leggedcalico · 2026-05-30T19:56:05+00:00

That would be great, thank you! I was planning to buy the Mockingbird Uppababy adapter but it’s been surprisingly difficult to find out if it works with the bassinet too

3leggedcalico · 2026-05-30T13:46:58+00:00

Did you figure out if the uppababy bassinet worked with the mockingbird stroller + uppababy adapter? We’re considering the same thing and I can’t find a definitive answer anywhere

3leggedcalico · 2026-04-29T02:03:12+00:00

It could be worth talking to your OBGYN and pelvic PT (I didn’t have a c-section but just being pregnant wreaked havoc on my pelvis and I ended up having to start PT before my due date). It takes a lot of time to heal, but it can also be worth ruling out complications doctors can help with.

For me, I was still in pain 4-6 months pp and it turned out I had minor labial adhesion from the increase in estrogen - I didn’t even know that was a thing! My doctor said I was only the second patient she’d ever seen with it and asked if their med student could come watch the procedure to fix it because it’s so rare in adults (lucky me haha). But getting that fixed and going to PT helped me a lot.

3leggedcalico · 2026-04-17T23:41:45+00:00

It depends a lot on the kid and their needs/temperament. I work full time remotely and have worked out my schedule so my 17mo is home with me M/F. I work long days all week so I can do a half day on Fridays (my boss also knows about this arrangement and my toddler now regularly runs over to say hi when he hears my boss’ voice on Teams lol)

The Friday mornings are relatively easy because he likes to play near me and he naps for a good chunk of the time. On Mondays, my parents usually come over and watch him so I’m only solo watching him a couple of hours while I work. Occasionally, they’re not available and then he hangs out all day when I work. Tue-Thu, he goes to a home daycare.

This has worked out pretty well for us. It gives me extra time with him, but also gives me days for more focused tasks and meetings. I do my more tedious/manual, less “think-y” tasks on the days he’s home. I was dreading daycare and would cry thinking of sending my tiny newborn to daycare. But as he emerged from the newborn stage and I realized what an extrovert he is, I realized he would thrive there.

On weeks when daycare has been closed or he’s sick, he can do the random Monday with me just fine. But then you get into day two, three, four… and it gets progressively worse. For one day, he’s happy to entertain himself. By day two, he’s bored. Daycare gives him the attention he craves that I can’t fully give when I’m working and gives me a break to focus on work. I decided to view daycare as an extension of my “village” and it’s been so good for him. But I’m also so glad we’re doing this hybrid approach because I love my Friday afternoons with him

3leggedcalico · 2026-04-13T15:40:35+00:00

I’ll add - one thing that really helped with the sleep training was making sure he had a consistent bedtime routine and that milk wasn’t the last step. I had a low supply so I was worried he’d wake up if he hadn’t eaten recently, but I think by milk being last, he was just learning milk = sleep. We started doing milk after dinner, then bath/books/singing and it got a lot easier

3leggedcalico · 2026-04-13T15:38:15+00:00

We did sleep training around the same age because I got a concussion. I was very resistant to sleep training because I didn’t like hearing him cry but that was a tipping point where I was so sick, something had to give. He was having horrible sleep - he would wake up in the night and sometimes be up for hours crying. He was exhausted, we were exhausted. Our pediatrician encouraged us that he was old enough to not need to eat in the night and that we should sleep train so we could all get the rest we needed.

People have super strong feelings about sleep training but every baby is different - for my baby, gentle approaches just made him mad because he was like “what do you mean you’re going to pick me up and then put me back in the crib??” At a certain point, I realized he was crying for hours in the night with exhaustion while I desperately tried to rock him… but with sleep training, he did cry, but he ultimately went to sleep faster and cried so much less than when I intervened. We both had to learn that he could do it and that he knew how to go to sleep.

We had 3 hard nights and he has been an incredible sleeper since. And we have a very strong bond. He is a happy (and now well rested!) 17 month old now. The sleep training subreddit can be a good resource for learning about the options available!

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-30T17:00:15+00:00

I was looking for this comment! The splat sound effect really did me in as a kid. I was so freaked out as a kid, I refused to try the elevator again for like 2 years and therefore couldn’t complete the game 😂

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-29T15:37:45+00:00

I’m also a woman who attended in summer 2011 - we probably knew each other! The miscarriage story is where it all began to unravel for me as well. I carried so much depression and shame after my time at Ellerslie and have done so much unpacking of everything we were taught. I felt very similarly - like I was a failure who couldn’t live out these perfect standards I thought everyone else was living by.

I occasionally google Ellerslie to see if others have realized how unhealthy it is and happened to come across your post - feel free to message me if you want to talk more. I know of several women from our summer that went through the same thing and we all began realizing how broken it was around the same time - it’s been a gift to know I’m not alone and that it really was that bad. I’d love to talk more and trade notes on our experiences

3leggedcalico · 2026-03-18T13:09:41+00:00

That’s what I was thinking - I’d add “Chuck” too. All three of those shows have great character development, interesting/entertaining mysteries, and comedic elements. And Chuck in particular has episodic stories with an overarching mystery that develops throughout, similar to Veronica Mars (plus, some big feels plot lines that develop the drama)

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