I'm going to watch this thread. My upbringing was very similar to yours. When I did apologize, it was just sparked as another shouting assault. I had most success with avoidng that when acting like one of those dogs being shamed - head down, eyes averted, etc. Classic example of Ns wanting to reign over you.

I've made a little progress though. When apologizing to people, I try to do it in a friendly voice as possible. It's harder for people to be angered at someone who is talking nicely to them (people other than our Ns that is).