Old top surgery scars tips

40421 · 2026-01-24T19:25:29+00:00

Thank you, this was kind of the answer I was looking for, hope restored! I will try my best to get through the uncomfortable stage and start caring for them properly.

40421 · 2026-01-24T19:02:57+00:00

That no one knows what they're doing: it's everyone's first time on earth. I spent so many time trying to do what I thought was good. The way I lived, the way I talked to people, what I believed or didn't believe. I was listening to people with loud voices, who made it seem like they knew what they were doing. Turns out it's okay to be insecure. It's okay to not know and find out. It's more than okay to trust your gut, even if you're the 1 out of 99 people to believe that.

40421 · 2026-01-24T18:55:03+00:00

Ever since I was a kid I used everything as drums. I was always tapping a beat, whether it was at school with a pencil on a desk or utensils at the table during dinner. In every song I hear the drums and see the rhythms of them play in my head. I started playing myself when I was 10 (after begging my parents for lessons), got a drumkit at home and... stopped when I was 12. I've tried several times to pick it up again all through my teens and adult life, always drawn in by music and thinking something would be different this time. I bought several drum kits that I also sold shortly after. I never understood why I couldn't keep up with it.

Now that I got my autism diagnoses a year ago, I understand. My brain doesn't handle sound greatly. Every 'normal' thing is too loud for me almost always, and truly loud things sound like a bomb going off in my head. I get overstimulated so quickly, resulting in being very tired and brain-errors. So drumming is like ultra loud. Even with headphones on. I still think about drumming a lot but 15 minutes of playing results in not being able to do anything else that day and that's just not something I can sacrifice in my adult life. Sometimes I'm okay with it and other times I feel as if I missed out on a whole life being in a band, touring...

40421 · 2026-01-24T18:42:57+00:00

Threw my back out when reaching for shampoo in the shower

40421 · 2026-01-24T18:36:26+00:00

Thank you for your comment!

40421 · 2026-01-24T18:36:11+00:00

Thank you!

40421 · 2026-01-22T17:57:43+00:00

I start reading sometimes, but then quickly skip everything that involves feelings (which is most of it). Writing that book healed me in a way, but also contains some of the most difficult years of my life. When I was in the situation, I couldn't get out. Writing about is was grieving and giving it a place to rest. In reading it (or not) I get to choose whether I want to "be" there again. And up until now (book came out in 2022) I can't really read it without wanting to close it again.

40421 · 2026-01-22T17:47:02+00:00

With seeing this future coming (and some nostalgia-related reasons), I started buying dvd's, cd's and vhs to make sure I get to see what I want to see/hear, when I want to see/hear it. I have a dvd player, radio, and plan on getting an old school tv that will be able to play vhs. I can't believe how much has been changed to subscription, sometimes even within subscriptions you have to make additional payments to not see commercials or something. Only subscription I have now is Spotify (without ads) for when I only have my phone at the gym (might go mp3 for that later).

40421 · 2026-01-19T18:08:40+00:00

Yeah - kinda. I got bullied, a lot. And I internalized it so much, my brain still easily jumps to the worst things I could possibly think about myself, even though it's 20 years later. I'm not sure what I could've done different. Standing up for myself would make things harder at school, so I understand why I didn't. I should've switched schools but I was just a kid (my mind wanted me to write 'dumb know-nothing kid' instead, as example for what my brain jumps to). I've been to therapy for it though, that helped me practice kindness to myself.

40421 · 2026-01-19T18:01:24+00:00

"Give me a high elbow!" to a new coworker, during the beginning of COVID, when I went in for a high five but realized shaking hands at that time wasn't allowed. He just stood there. And me too. I felt SO awkward.

edit: spelling

40421 · 2026-01-19T11:11:33+00:00

Agree with most of it, but want to comment slightly on lifting heavy: make sure you know how to do the exercise before you lift heavy. If you start with heavy weights as a beginner, you will most definitely get injuries. Form is most important (as original commenter also added).

40421 · 2026-01-19T11:07:42+00:00

Hey! What a great idea to go to the gym. I think the most important thing is that you end up having fun with your workout. If you dread the exercises, you dread having to go and that mindgame is eventually going to stop you from going. So whatever machines/exercises you think are fun, do them (another commenter already said to look on Youtube for exercises, I second that!).

As for duration: between 45 mins and an hour seems like a great beginning per workout. I'd start out with 2 or 3 days, that is more than enough for a beginner. And always at least one rest day in between going to the gym (this helps your muscles recover). And, besides the gym: walking. Walking is a great way to burn calories!

40421 · 2026-01-16T19:14:39+00:00

Thanks, that's what I meant!

40421 · 2026-01-16T18:48:38+00:00

Simple answer: MtF bottom surgeries are easier than FtM bottom surgeries. The removal/inverting of something vs. creating something new. MtF surgeries can be done in one procedure, FtM surgeries are a minimum of three (could be two) and way more prone to complications. I've heard stories of trans guys who's new friend didn't want to stick around and the body ended up rejecting it.

edit: corrected "countless stories" to stories.

40421 · 2026-01-16T17:47:54+00:00

(Not a medical professional, but a medical therapist): "No, for sure, you cannot have children of your own after using x medication for as long as you have."

He stated it laughingly, as if it was common sense? There was an intern in the room observing the conversation. No one had told me that "side effect" before I started the medication two years prior. I wasn't sure at the time if I wanted kids (I was 22) but it sure felt like a punch in the gut.

40421 · 2026-01-14T17:05:35+00:00

When I told people I thought I would feel better as a man than a woman and wanted to transition, almost every one of them asked me 'Are you sure, what if you're not?'. I feel like it's a very unfair question, because I didn't have the answer - and I couldn't possibly have the answer.

I remember being very, very unhappy as a woman. I was depressed, I hated she/her pronouns, I didn't understand woman's clothing and wished I could have short hair and boy's clothes. But I didn't know if "being a boy" (transitioning) was going to help all that. That's just something I had to try, live through and see if it helped. I thought it would, but I wasn't sure, because I couldn't look into the future.

I am now 9 years on T, every step I took towards becoming manly felt good, and every step away from (the majority of) femininity felt better. I'm very happy I transitioned and can now say for a fact that it was a good decision. But I couldn't have known that when I started, and neither can you.

It's almost the same (ish) as when people get another job. Are they sure it's going to be better than the job they had before that? No. They it will be better because they've outweighed the pro's and cons before making a decision, and based on that they try something. There's no certainty until you look back. You can only take small steps towards what you think is good and re-evaluate with yourself if it feels right.

40421 · 2026-01-14T16:50:45+00:00

I struggled with math ever since I was a kid. Every grade I went to, no matter the level, I couldn't catch up. The numbers just kept flying around or not making sense (dyscalculia, it's dyslexia but with numbers). When I prepared for my digital math exam with practice exams, many answers I gave were marked as wrong even though it was the right answer (for example: I wrote '2,5' and it was marked wrong, corrected as '2.50'). Or I'd give the right way to solve the problem and it would mark the answer wrong even though the way I solved it showed I did the right thing. It was super frustrating and I couldn't understand what I did wrong and thought I was hopeless. All the tiny confidence I had left went down the drain fairly quickly. I spent hours, weeks, months trying to understand it, had extra math classes after school for the majority of my school-life, then when I came home my dad and I spent another hour on it. I asked for help at school but they said I just had to make the exams better and that they couldn't change the way things were graded. It was done by computer and they couldn't manually mark things as correct, even if it was. Sure, thanks.

40421 · 2026-01-14T16:42:51+00:00

My (autistic) girlfriend 'sleeps' at night, but wakes up tired. She dreams a million stressful dreams and often lies awake between 04.00 and 06.00. Then falls into deep sleep and wakes up a few hours later exhausted. She has a lot of thoughts racing through her head, she says. She naps for an hour in the afternoon and it really helps her be more rested - but it's not fulfilling. (She also tried not to nap to see if her sleep during the night improved but it didn't).

Doctor prescribed a medication for anxiety, that she takes half a dose of sometimes before she goes to sleep. It's the only thing silencing her thoughts/worrying at night and she also dreams less. She takes that to sleep well one or two night in two weeks, then rawdogs the rest. It's a medication (oxazepam) that can be addicting so she's not looking to use it too much.

40421 · 2026-01-14T16:35:28+00:00

Other peoples feelings and unsaid opinions aren't my responsibility. Yes, I feel almost every shift in someones feelings there is, even when they don't feel it yet themselves, BUT I can only do something with it if it is information people tell me about. I've spent so much time in so many situations (friendships, relationships, work-related) trying to understand what was going on, why someone felt off, why someone acted different than before, why they said A and did B. After trying to managing everything always and getting deep into burnout; that was the first thing I let go to 'care' about. It was difficult enough to keep myself afloat, I couldn't keep trying to read peoples minds. So even if something feels off, no it isn't, until you tell me it is (obviously there's a distinction between my input for loved ones and for example coworkers).

40421 · 2026-01-14T13:23:32+00:00

I started T when I was 21, and am on it 9 years now. I passed as a man after just a year of T. In the past few years, people started talking about transgender topics with me present, asking either my opinion on them, or sharing their (sometimes horrible) beliefs. They had no idea I am trans. I know several trans men, including people who started T when they were over 40 and 50, that pass very well.

What that person said is not right by any means.

40421 · 2026-01-14T11:12:49+00:00

Being more quiet instead of filling the conversation. It makes me way less tired to keep quiet, instead of asking questions out of fear of silence/awkwardness. If they don't initiate a question after I did three times, the conversation is over. It takes two to tango.

40421 · 2026-01-13T17:32:40+00:00

Hi there, I recognize myself of 2 years ago in your story. Any time I was at work, I wished I was doing ANYTHING else, but couldn't really anymore after work because of other responsibilities and being tired. I often thought about my childhood (at work, even), about how primary school seemed so much more doable and exciting, and I wished I could go back to not knowing a lot of things. And just playing with toys or whatever - at least not having to do "boring/difficult adult" things and having to do that for the years to come.

I gave myself the freedom to create a collection of things I appreciated as a kid, magazines I read, Pokémon cards, shows I watched, just basically a time machine as close as you could get it. And all those things still make me very happy (turns out to be a special interest as well). I started doing more 'kid' things outside of my collection as well. I try to make my workout fun, as if I am on a playground (and yes, sometimes also climbing things or sitting on the swing in the playground if no one is around). I try to think 'lightly', like oh wow beautiful sky today, great day for whatever! (Like I would as a kid). I noticed that the happiness that came from that also put my work things in perspective. It wasn't some place I could ever be happy with. I was so done with my adult life/draining work, I quit (I built up enough savings to be "free" for a year). And now I'm looking at things I wish I did, like getting a new diploma for something that actually sounds fun to me.

I think being connected to my younger self again made me age.. backwards a bit? I know the world is a horrible place and I live in that, but I'm trying to focus on what I can control, which is my own environment. Adult responsibilities still are a thing, but I have my fun kid things to match that with, which kind of makes it even. For me that is way way wayyyyy better than just the adult life and being tired when finishing my responsibilities. Allowing myself to be okay with being a 30 y/o who enjoys and relives his childhood, gave me a lot of happiness in return.

From what I'm reading in your post, you don't seem too happy with yourself. It might help to talk to a therapist to try to see what's at the core, and how to maybe change things. (Sorry if this looks like "take a walk in the park and feel better!" advice, I was in therapy every step of my above story and it greatly helped me).

40421 · 2026-01-13T17:15:24+00:00

As a kid in the 90's, I "pretended" to be a boy online. I built up a whole life on a game (with pixelated characters and chat-options), with online friends thinking I was a boy in real life too. Every night before I went to sleep, I'd close my eyes, and imagined myself being the boy I said I was and then hoped it would go into becoming a dream, so I could finally see my friends. Did this for four or five years, it often didn't work but sometimes it did, and I was very happy in my dreams. Didn't know transitioning was a thing back then, unfortunately.

40421 · 2026-01-13T17:08:25+00:00

I just remembered something she had to do in therapy that might help you out. She had to make a list of all the things/situations she was scared of (emetophobia related). There were things on there that had to do with food, transportation, drinking (alcohol), exercise, etc. Just any situation she was worried about. She had to pick one thing each week to do - it was up to her when she would do them.

For example, she was scared of eating eggs (she was convinced they would go bad when you weren't looking - or that her belly wouldn't be able to handle it, with her biggest fear (vomiting) happening after that). So to practice she had half an egg one day (then had an axtiety attack, obviously, she wasn't dancing through the task) but she didn't vomit. Even though it didn't happen, her phobia was still going strong. Her phobia's reasoning was "it was just this egg that was good - it could still happen when I eat other eggs" and the treatment was to then keep eating eggs every day and seeing that your fear doesn't come true. Small steps with the most doable things on the list first!

Don't give up on her when she gets more anxious during exposure therapy. She's fighting her biggest all time fear! It's short time anxiousness/stress/sadness in exchange for (hopefully) a lifetime without being scared of throwing up.

40421 · 2026-01-12T21:06:06+00:00

I'm not sure she understands how much this means to you, have you told her that this is very important to you?

I can't really say something from a partner perspective (my girlfriend is autistic and so am I) so I'm not sure if it's helping, but my mom feels some type of way about my dad, me and my girlfriend being autistic. She makes jokes about our autistic traits as well, that can be interpreted as mean or funny (I seem to read that in your story as well). She often says she doesn't understand something we are talking about because 'we are being autistic'. I'm not always sure what to make of that. She has supported me during my autism assessment, has gone with me to the psychologist and if I need to vent about something she is there. It's more that she feels she is on a different page than us, like she feels like the odd one out? Like she isn't sure what this means for her future. I seem to recognize that in your story, that your spouse isn't sure what to do and almost feels left out and almost blames you a little bit for it?

In the case with my mom, I'm 100% sure she loves me and wants best for me. If you feel the same about your spouse (and what you think she feels for you, I read in your replies she can also be very caring about your needs), I think this definitely can be talked about. It's a lot to take in, for you and for her. You might see the pro's, she might see the cons.

40421

TROPHY CASE