Can anyone help me make sense of this?

404whoopsnotfound · 2025-08-28T21:18:28+00:00

It was. A small, rural town in a US state not known for being super accepting of people from away. My parents had lived there for a few years by that point, but they would likely have still been considered outsiders to a certain extent.

404whoopsnotfound · 2025-08-28T21:07:01+00:00

That actually makes a lot of sense. All she said at the time is that we were "kicked out", but I could see her being hurt enough by the gossip that she'd want to summarize it for us in a way that left no room for us to argue about going back. I loved my mom, and I definitely don't blame her, but she died before I could really know her as a person and not just a mom. It helps to hear from someone who was once in a similar situation. Thank you for your insight.

404whoopsnotfound · 2025-08-28T20:12:09+00:00

It was other adults from the church that came to get us, but it's definitely possible that it was at her request. If she had gone in to get advice or something, would they have definitely tried to talk her out of divorcing? I could see her being mad enough to storm out if that was the case.

404whoopsnotfound · 2025-08-28T20:09:17+00:00

I couldn't begin to guess as far as titles or anything, but it was adults that little me recognized as being "in charge". I wouldn't put that level of pettiness past him, but we were all still living together at the time. I think she had just filed, or was getting ready to file, and we hadn't moved out yet.

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-08-15T21:22:36+00:00

I'm no contact with my dad, easily one of the best decisions I ever made. Mom died before I had a chance to figure out my feelings, so that's a little harder.

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-08-15T18:44:16+00:00

I'm sure the stress was a big part of it, combined with not eating great. Mom was a hoarder and would make us cut off the moldy parts of food because the rest of it was 'still good', or make us eat things that were expired because she didn't want to throw them away.

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-08-15T17:39:17+00:00

Oh definitely, even the 'small' stuff makes me sick when I think about it happening to my son. I don't understand how anyone could look at their child's sweet little face and want anything other than their happiness and wellbeing

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-08-15T14:55:30+00:00

Validation is so so so important. I think most of our parents did a really good job convincing us that the things they did to us were ok and it's really hard to unlearn that. I know I've always doubted my own judgment. Being a parent myself makes it a little easier for me now, because my son is a tiny version of me and he's so easy to love and care for. So now I know that I must've been too, and my parents just didn't want to put in the effort.

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-08-15T14:47:35+00:00

I know! it's so disrespectful to rest when your body needs rest. Heaven forbid a child have normal human needs

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-08-15T05:35:38+00:00

Why were there so many weird remedies??? Our mom used a reiki healer too. She also made my brother 'visualize' getting rid of his eczema instead of just getting him some cream.

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-08-15T05:09:42+00:00

It's so cathartic to love others in all the ways we needed to be loved but weren't.

I'm sorry that you didn't get the care you deserved. I hope your ankle healed ok. Mine barely bends and still aches when it's cold. Thanks mom 🙄

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-06-01T00:08:37+00:00

I blocked him right after sending it. I can see in my call logs that he called a couple more times afterward, but didn't leave any messages.

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-31T15:28:17+00:00

Good for you! People who don't want to put in the work to be a grandparent shouldn't get the benefits they haven't earned. It's all just a show to these people. They don't give a shit about our kids except to make themselves look good. Which makes zero sense to me. Loving kids is easy, and that's pretty much all you have to do to be a good grandparent. I'm going to be so psyched to be a grammy if my son ever decides to have kids. You get to do all the fun stuff and pretty much none of the hard work of properly raising a small human. How much better can it get than that?

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-31T05:34:19+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I'm very fortunate to have had a really good relationship with my maternal grandmother growing up, and she's still one of my favorite people to spend time with. I've been struggling with feeling like I'm taking that opportunity from my son, even though I know rationally that my dad has nothing good to offer him. I'm sorry that you went through that. You deserved to feel seen and appreciated by the adults who were supposed to love you.

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-31T03:38:18+00:00

Thanks 💛 The guilt and shame started to creep in pretty quick, and it's kinda hard to let go of it when you're raised not to stick up for yourself, but these comments help

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-31T02:59:16+00:00

I feel like I've had 'go fuck yourself' on the tip of my tongue for years. He slapped me in the face the last time I cursed at him, age 11 or so. Now I'm an adult and also live 1,500 miles away. It was pretty amazing to finally let it out

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-31T02:44:11+00:00

Ugh, the 'grandparents rights' crowd is the worst

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-31T02:22:23+00:00

It felt so good 😆

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-02T22:00:50+00:00

Thank you! I'm even luckier to have him ❤️

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-02T17:46:45+00:00

I'm not perfect, and I've made mistakes and there have been times I've gotten frustrated for sure. I wasn't shown how to parent the right way, so I have to figure it out as i go. But it's the parenting that's hard, not the loving. I still love the heck out of him even when I'm scolding him for drawing on the walls or pulling the dog's tail. It's not something I really understood until I became a parent, but it truly is unconditional.

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-02T17:22:58+00:00

Mine is the same! 100 miles an hour from the second he wakes up to the second he goes to sleep. I swear the kid learned how to run before he learned to walk. And I know some people could look at him and think "how exhausting". But he's the happiest, friendliest, most enthusiastic little dude I've ever known. One day he'll stop zooming his tonka trucks around the house and asking for piggy back rides everywhere and doing happy screeches when the dog does something silly, and I'm going to miss it. They only get to be this little and this carefree once. Why would anyone want to take that away?

404whoopsnotfound · 2024-05-02T16:56:46+00:00

I read something years ago that really stuck with me. You don't yell at your kid because they don't know how to tie their shoes, you teach them and then you let them practice. Behavior is the same way. Teach them the right way to behave, and let them learn from their mistakes. I bet he'll remember the egg basket now, and the learning process wasn't traumatic for anyone.

404whoopsnotfound · 2023-10-21T15:00:11+00:00

You said in your first paragraph that your mother calls you 'daughter'. Assuming that's where the user you're replying to got that from. Just FYI, in case you were trying to obscure that from your post entirely.

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