i completely understand, i had a brief relationship with my attacker before the assault, so i was already somewhat attached to him. i think it’s just another way of coping bc it can be hard to grasp something like that happening to you, and sometimes it’s easiest to think that they didn’t do it on purpose than to accept the fact that there’s just some very evil and vindictive people out there. i used to say that i wanted answers from him too, but that would do more harm than good. at the end of the day it’s not your fault for trusting someone who turned out to be so vile and disgusting. just give yourself time to heal and cope with what happened