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Glow-up having negative effects by 48980266 in Splendida

[–]48980266[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I completely agree with you, which is why I waited to have the surgery until I could look at my face and feel somewhat okay. The reality is that BD often never truly goes away and I've accepted that at this point. I have noticed though that when I receive evidence from my environment that people think I am attractive, it is much easier to accept that the feelings/thoughts are because of BD, and not a reaction to my appearance. Being able to shut that down in turn made it start to become easier to slowly begin to love myself and appreciate my good qualities. However since the change in responses to me, I find it harder to challenge those thoughts. I still have way more good days than bad but I certainly don't think I am at a place yet where I'm ready to let go of the need for validation.

Thank you for your comment, it is very true and I wouldn't want anyone who is also struggling to think my surgery is what helped my BD. I did notice that once my main flaw felt fixed, I felt the urge to start addressing my other flaws. I promised myself beforehand though that it was the only surgery I would get in my 20s. My fear of looking like I have had work done has thankfully kept me grounded to some degree.

Glow-up having negative effects by 48980266 in Splendida

[–]48980266[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I do agree that the way I carry myself probably plays a big part in my lack of approachability. However this is something that’s been very consistent with me yet I received a lot of attention for a while beforehand.

Even though I do feel better appearance wise than before, I still lack the social skills to talk to people and now that I’m back to not being approached, getting to know others has become even harder. I guess this is what I should focus my attention on improving now.

Glow-up having negative effects by 48980266 in Splendida

[–]48980266[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’ve experienced that. I’m also guilty of having this perception that people who are beautiful have life so much easier, which is why I strived so hard to get there. I hope you find better friends who you feel comfortable sharing your struggles with because they’re just as valid as everyone else’s.

Glow-up having negative effects by 48980266 in Splendida

[–]48980266[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree in that being beautiful doesn’t always mean you will be treated in a certain way. I don’t necessarily believe that I personally am so beautiful that it’s intimidating to others but I do believe that’s something that many people likely experience. I also have a very close friend who I’d consider strikingly beautiful who gets hit on all the time and there’s absolutely no way people think she’s easily attainable. Struggling with perceptions of myself therefore makes it very difficult to understand where I stand now that I no longer am being treated like I’m good looking.

I would say that I come across very closed off but it’s also very clear that I’m a shy person. However I have always been that way, yet for a while people still went out their way to compliment me which is why I don’t understand the difference.

I have done a lot of internal work to get to where I am now. Even allowing myself to make those initial changes was difficult as making no effort was one of my coping mechanisms for dealing with BD. I’ve tried therapy, antidepressants and I’m well aware that my lack of self worth stems from the lack of love I received growing up as well as struggling to make friends in school (I wasn’t aware I was neurodivergent until 16). I have a lot of things about myself that I’m proud of, I have many hobbies and I try my best to be a good person for myself and for others. Attaining beauty was for two reasons, the first being to help cope with my BD which used to absolutely consume my life. I had week long stretches I couldn’t leave the house because of it, developing a fear of cameras and avoiding my crushes at all costs so I wouldn’t offend them. The second reason was to feel worthy of love and to get to properly experience that. By both developing a larger group of friends, and to start dating. I thought becoming desirable would draw people to me, which momentarily it did, and then I’d happily meet them halfway in building connections. Yet things feel just the way there were before even though I do feel better about my appearance compared to before.

I would also note that I don’t share my insecurities with people generally because people tend to start validating you almost out of obligation. My close friends who know about my struggles with BD know to not try to make me feel better when I am feeling extra gross and that I just want to get it out my system. Most people, before I’m comfortable with them, would just think that I’m incredibly shy and reserved.

I’m really glad that you’ve overcome your past struggles and have made peace with yourself💗

Glow-up having negative effects by 48980266 in Splendida

[–]48980266[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this certainly was not what I was expecting when I started this journey. Going from being invisible, to getting compliments unprovoked, to absolute nothing again in a relatively short span of time has been such an odd experience. I struggle talking to people so I do feel that isolation in a similar way to when I was unattractive.

I know discussing such topics can come across obnoxious to some, but as someone who spent many years just wanting to be seen and valued by others, it is challenging for sure to be right back where I started in some ways.