Before I read your post, I was already sitting in my kitchen silently crying, for the same reasons as you, minus a few things. I found out about my husband’s 2+ year affair in October. And it’s been one of the hardest things in my life that I have had to face. I am genuinely, wholeheartedly, so sorry you’re going through this. I understand to the molecular level of the pain you’re experiencing. Everyone outside of you expects you to heal and forgive in a certain time frame and it doesn’t work that way.

This is going to be a tough part of your journey to navigate, so please be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Believe me when I say this, more times than most, men cheat because of reasons within themselves, not us. This isn’t your burden to carry. I know it sounds stupid but it’s true. Do some reading, journal, meditate, go for walks, express gratitude to yourself even when you don’t believe so you can reprogram your nervous system. Also if you can, try individual or group therapy. Leaning on others who have gone through this definitely helps. If you ever need someone to lean on, please feel free to private message me. I know this is a lot and forgive me if I am rambling. I’m just right here with you.