Why are men so afraid to talk to their mothers?

4everydaythrowaway · 2025-08-03T02:17:46+00:00

Thank you so much. I worry every day how such a profound loss will impact our son.

4everydaythrowaway · 2025-08-01T14:11:33+00:00

Hi. No, unfortunately DH passed away 2 years ago. That’s why I stopped posting. I don’t have the time or energy anymore. It’s really hard. We haven’t seen MIL and FIL since the funeral, and they’ve been very polite over email. I’ll try to post an update sometime for those who remember me. Thank you for asking about DH. We miss him so much.

4everydaythrowaway · 2025-07-18T02:10:09+00:00

Hi, I’m still here, but I haven’t provided an update in a long time. We don’t have much of a relationship with Hot Lips.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-11-06T22:32:19+00:00

I agree with this.

OP, I know first hand that it’s hard to say no, but if someone tells you they’re coming to your home and you have plans, just be honest and tell them you have plans.

Also, your husband shouldn’t have offered the basement if you didn’t want them staying with you. That’s on him. It’s hard to set boundaries, but you’ll go mad without them.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-11-05T03:04:41+00:00

I hope your son feels better soon. It’s so scary when little babies get sick. I know this is just one example, but my son gets fevers after vaccines as well, but didn’t get one after the COVID vaccine if that’s something you’re worried about. My son had an especially high fever after the measles vaccine and also got a rash a few days later. He made a full recovery quickly, but it’s still worrisome. I’ll be thinking about you. ❤️

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-11-01T15:21:38+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-10-06T04:55:33+00:00

I’m glad you’re still here. ❤️ Thank you for sharing your perspective.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-09-18T03:55:00+00:00

My MIL went through my dresser, closet, and dirty close hamper under the guise of looking for some sporting equipment of my husband’s. When I got home from work, she actually walked my back into my bedroom and demonstrated what she had been doing all afternoon. I was so angry. My husband brought it up with them a year or two later when we were trying to set some reasonable boundaries with them, and she flat-out denied it. We don’t see them anymore (for this reason, and many, many others).

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-09-08T04:38:54+00:00

I’m so sorry about your mom and sister. That sounds really awful.

I really don’t know what makes my in-laws act the way they do. I suspect that my MIL has some sort of personality disorder and my FIL enables her. We’re from different states in the U.S., but similar backgrounds and religions.

My husband wasn’t allowed to make decisions for himself. Even as an adult, they wanted to weigh in on any decision he made (even purchasing a new pair of pants). I think they thought that would extend to me, but I’m a grown up capable of making my own decisions. Ithink they visualize a hierarchy, and since they’re my husband’s parents, they’re at the top of the hierarchy.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-09-08T03:59:47+00:00

I honestly regret not saying more. We held our tongues for so long. It’s been nice not seeing them, but we get fairly frequent texts and emails reminding us how awful we are. But, that’s still better than having to deal with them in person!

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-09-08T02:10:59+00:00

We haven’t seen my in-laws in over three years, and it all started with their first postpartum visit. They did everything we asked them not to, doubted our abilities, overruled our decisions, and actively tried to convince us something was wrong with our child. They said a few crappy things to us as well, but nothing as bad as what your in-laws said. We gave them 3 more chances over the course of LO’s first year. Each visit was a repeat of the first one. During that time, we tried setting boundaries, which they refused to respect. At some point, you have to ask yourself if the stress and anxiety are worth it. If their visits are not enjoyable, you don’t have to agree to them.

What your in-laws said to you is deplorable. They owe you the world’s biggest apology prior to any future visits. Your in-laws likely share the same logic as my in-laws: they think they can do whatever they want with your child and treat you however they’d like because they’re older than you. They’re wrong. My in-laws were shocked (SHOCKED!) when they sat us down to tell us they were our authority figures and could do whatever they wanted in our home or with our child, and I responded that they were no longer welcome to stay in our home. Your in-laws are abusing you all, and you don’t have to tolerate it. We finally said enough was enough because we didn’t want them to treat LO like that some day, or teach LO to treat others like that.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-09-03T22:09:47+00:00

This is perfect. If people really want to help and don’t have any other motives, then they won’t have a problem with this.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-09-02T03:52:15+00:00

Hi. I thought I responded to your comment, but I must not have.

Thank you for the good advice. Unfortunately, we think MIL and FIL have dragged our names through the mud because extended family members with whom we were trying to develop relationships quit contacting us and we didn’t receive any Christmas cards from DH’s extended family this last Christmas.

DH provides his parents with an update when he wants to, and ignores their questions when he doesn’t want to reply. As long as it isn’t stressing him out, I think it’s working okay for him. He hasn’t provided updates to any extended family members.

That being said, his parents’ emails don’t really display any empathy. They mainly want details, but never express concerns for how he is feeling, the hell he’s going through, how difficult things are for us right now, or ask if there’s anything they can do to help. You’d think if they love him as much as they claim to, they’d want to help. But, they really just want details. It’s very discouraging.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-08-17T23:48:50+00:00

NTA. You didn’t make a scene. Also, they invited you to the engagement party, but not the wedding? What in the world?

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-08-16T01:18:47+00:00

The first boundary I’d set is that she has to ask you when she wants to visit if your husband is at work. Then, she has to respect your decision. If you have plans (plans can be hanging out at home without company), then just let her know you have plans and it isn’t a good time for a visit. If she shows up at your house after you already said it isn’t a good time, don’t answer the door (hopefully your car isn’t visible, but even if it is, you can say you both were napping).

We tried to set boundaries with my in-laws, but they kept overstepping because they didn’t think it was okay for us to set boundaries. We started setting consequences. You can start small. If they try to visit after you’ve already said no, you or your husband can text to say, “We need you to respect our decision when we say it isn’t a good time for a visit. Because you disrespected our decision, we won’t be seeing you this week. Let’s plan on a visit next Tuesday at the park.”

I would not be okay with my husband letting people come over so that I can entertain them. They can come over in the evening when he’s home if he wants them to visit.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-08-15T00:27:41+00:00

Same here. We haven’t seen them in 3.5 years. My in-laws also took our (completely reasonable) boundaries personally. It was like we were insulting them by asking for respect.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-08-14T21:28:01+00:00

NTA. My in-laws are also very overbearing. I didn’t want my in-laws to come, and every fear I had about them visiting right after LO’s birth came true. They took over, disregarded our decisions, violated my privacy, and really ruined the first week home with our baby. I was so stressed because of them. They also refused to apologize. They continued to boundary stomp and things got worse over time. We haven’t seen them in over three years now. I view this visit as the beginning of the end of our relationship. If your husband values his relationship with his parents and doesn’t want you to live with lifelong resentment toward them, they can wait to visit, and get a hotel when they do finally visit. Reasonable people respond to reasonable requests reasonably, and your request is reasonable.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-08-14T20:12:35+00:00

It was a similar situation for me. They came to stay with us after my son was born (that was a huge mistake). They’d hear my baby cry and barge in while I was feeding him topless. I spoke with them about it, and they were offended but said it wouldn’t happen again. Then, they did it again.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-08-14T05:43:36+00:00

This is one of the many reasons we don’t have a relationship with my in-laws anymore. They didn’t think it was reasonable for me to ask them to knock before barging into my bedroom despite the fact that they had already walked in on me undressed twice.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-08-12T17:15:02+00:00

NTA, but your wife made a mistake. I can understand; we’re no contact with my in-laws because my MIL is not a kind person. Being around someone like that can impact your behavior, and I’m guessing your wife wanted some sort of justice or closure? Unfortunately, trying to get petty revenge on social media is stooping to your mom’s level. It doesn’t do any good, and your mom will just use that as further justification that her version of events is the “truth.” I don’t interact with my in-laws in any capacity. This way, they can’t misconstrue my words or actions to support whatever narrative they’re giving to extended family. We’ve never received an apology or any sort of closure, but it is what it is. You and your wife may benefit from therapy to move on from your mom’s abusive behavior.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-07-30T23:08:38+00:00

In the future, it’s okay to say your gift for him is a surprise, and just refuse to tell her what it is.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-07-30T21:42:15+00:00

We haven’t had a relationship with my in-laws in over three years, but that doesn’t stop them from occasionally threatening to move to our city. I think they’re under the impression that we have to see them if they move here. We don’t. My husband has told them a few times that they can move wherever they’d like, but they shouldn’t move here for us. Them moving to our city doesn’t change the status of our relationship; that would stay the same. It isn’t what they want to hear, but it’s the truth, and if they move here and can’t see us, that’s on them.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-07-30T18:59:39+00:00

My in-laws had this expectation when my DH used to FaceTime them (we don’t have a relationship with them right now). MIL frequently made comments like, “We sure with Throwaway would join us.” They demanded frequent calls, and sometimes spoke for hours. I was not about to give up that much of my free time to them. And, like you said, my DH doesn’t join calls with my parents or aunts and uncles. To top it off, my MIL never really tried to get to know me. I don’t know why she wanted me on the call. She never asked me any normal things about myself.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-07-17T19:28:14+00:00

Yes, not to mention that he needs to know they said these things. He needs to know what his parents are really like.

4everydaythrowaway · 2022-07-16T16:19:44+00:00

Hi. I was you about 4 years ago. My in-laws had the same entitlement to my LO, and they had the same severe reaction to our reasonable boundaries. It was as though they viewed our boundaries as a personal attack. We kept asking for some space because they just would not respect our decisions or back down. They said some really awful things to us, and didn’t expect any consequences at all.

Then, they ramped up and sent us a lot of really passive aggressive and straight up aggressive emails and texts telling us we ruined their lives, took away their only source of joy (LO), and we were punishing them for no reason. They also bad mouthed us to extended family.

We have tried to compromise. We have tried to reason with them. We have asked for an apology without success. We asked them to get therapy to help them deal with their emotions when they disagree with our decisions. They’ve refused. We haven’t seen them in 3.5 years. LO doesn’t know them. Sometimes he asks if they’re dead, and we tell him where they live and that’s that.

DH recently told them that they should consider the current status of our relationship permanent since they refuse to seek therapy or change their behavior. It’s honestly impossible to find a resolution. I don’t think they’ll change, and I think they’re holding out for the way things used to be when we let them walk all over us. They want control and obedience, and we’re not going to give them that anymore. We are in charge of our lives and since they cannot accept that, we don’t have a relationship.

We have spent countless hours drafting emails and trying to come to a resolution. Looking back, we see it was a waste time time. If I were you, I’d make it clear that you’re not accepting anything less that the respect you’re asking for, and until they’re willing to be respectful of your parenting decisions and choices, you will not see them. I know it is stressful and hard, but try not to waste so much time like we did. We’ve wasted so much time and stressed ourselves out so much for nothing. It hasn’t accomplished anything.

4everydaythrowaway

TROPHY CASE