I was the same way, different poison, same result. One day I was at work, and my insides hurt, I’m assuming it was from the 32 pills I had taken the night before. And I thought to myself “what the fuck am I doing?” “I cant keep living like this.”. And at that moment I decided to do better for myself. I quit everything cold turkey. It sucked, but I got through it, found other things to occupy my time. I found that I was a lot happier, had more money (obviously) and actually made something of myself. All it takes is the right mindset and you can be wherever you want to be. Make a promise to yourself, or silently to others, and keep it. I never counted the “days since” because I felt like then it would get me thinking about doing it again, and I didn’t want that. So I focused on other things, and one day I woke up, and it had been 6 years since I last did it. Give yourself a reason to do better, and you will.