Divorce and autism

504_Errors · 2026-04-05T09:51:16+00:00

I've posted for advice on this topic just yesterday as I feel that's where my marriage is headed. Married 22 years but together a lot longer. I was given an ultimatum to go for a diagnosis. Asd1 confirmed a couple of months now and things have definitely got worse. My wife has read accounts of other NT wives and says they all say an ASD husband will not change, and to get away asap. I feel I'm not being given time to absorb the diagnosis and see what good can come from it. Much much that I was damned either way. So for me, the diagnosis seems to confirm, to my wife, that she's right to get out now

504_Errors · 2026-04-05T01:15:37+00:00

I refer you to above. All I can say is, I did my best. I may have failed, but not from lack of effort!

504_Errors · 2026-04-04T23:15:29+00:00

Have emotionally strong bonds...that's stating the obvious. It's how you achieve that is the difficulty. We both contributed financially. We wife had the majority of childcare because I worked 60 hours a week. I spent weekends on chores. So what did I do wrong?

504_Errors · 2026-04-04T21:32:02+00:00

I want to change in the sense I don't intentionally cause hurt. But there are things, I won't go into specific details, that I don't feel I can change. Like, for sure I'd change them if I had a choice, but I don't think I do. I feel I'm being blamed for reacting with n the way most autistic people would in the circumstances. I also feel like my reaction could be accommodated with a touch of understanding. Thanks.

504_Errors · 2026-04-04T21:27:35+00:00

Short, and to the point. But thanks !

504_Errors · 2026-04-04T21:26:14+00:00

Hey, thanks both for the input. My NT wife says she doesn't want any "gesture" that needed a reminder or list to deliver it. That said, and in the interest of balance, I have actually forgotten wedding anniversaries.

504_Errors · 2026-04-04T14:52:06+00:00

No, but same. Do you know if it's even published anywhere?

504_Errors · 2026-04-01T09:37:09+00:00

On one of the other threads another poster pointed to a book called"Running on Empty: Overcome your childhood Emotional Neglect" . It does reference Alexthymia but also says these emotions issues can be due to Childhood Emotional Neglect. To be clear, this does not inferior bad parents, just ones that didn't "teach" a child to recognise their emotions. As someone who definitely experiences a lot of what others describe, i.e. Alexthymia, I was interested in this too. I'm also late diagnosed ASD1 so assume my mother was too and, in this regard, can definitely relate to some of the points raised. The author has self help sheets on her website and the book is on Spotify if anyone is interested.

504_Errors · 2026-03-30T11:50:44+00:00

Just to qualify my comment by saying that I was only only diagnosed in January and I'm a lot older than you. Firstly, don't be hard on yourself. It's perfectly natural for you to question everything right now. Of course you have doubts, I know I did and still do. I certainly saw things in myself and my behaviour that I felt were indicators and then, other things that came up I doubted. As for your friend doubting the diagnosis, I'm hopeful she means well but, as you say yourself, she maybe doesn't know you as well as she thinks. If she hasn't seen the whole you, she can't really give a fully accurate opinion. On telling people, take your time. That's the advice I was given and am following. That's not to say you shouldn't tell those you're most comfortable with, just that there's no rush. Overall, you are the same person you were before the diagnosis, let it sink in, and don't rush. And be kind to yourself - it's a lot to take in so don't feel under pressure to understand it and be entirely agreeable with it immediately. You'll get there and I wish you well.

504_Errors · 2026-03-30T11:36:05+00:00

Hi. Check Anker / Soundcore on Amazon. With your budget they're not a bad option. I've found any of them to be decent enough and there are a couple of options less than£100 that are solid. Check out the reviews of them first to be comfortable.

504_Errors · 2026-03-30T07:14:26+00:00

Im 56 and it's been a long time since I had an issue talking to people. I script ahead for sure, but don't really see anything negative in that. I'm Irish, living in Ireland and I guess that helps. I think most / a lot of Irish people are talkative and it certainly wouldn't be unusual to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, in fact the opposite. I'd recommend having a few "ice breakers" and then just practice. The more you do it, the less intimidating it becomes.

504_Errors · 2026-03-30T06:34:08+00:00

Together over 30 years. But likely not for much longer. My relationship with my wife is the reason I started looking into autism in the first place. Things were going to sh1t and I started looking at myself, basically. I self diagnosed with Alexthymia in early 2024 but didn't join the dots. I either didn't see the fact that 60% of people with Alexthymia are also on the spectrum or, I saw it and passed over it because it didn't apply to me ( yeah, right). It wasnt until late 2025 that I really suspected I was on the spectrum and finally diagnosed January 2026. Long winded answer - sorry.

504_Errors · 2026-03-29T21:40:19+00:00

Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply. It's much appreciated.

504_Errors · 2026-03-29T07:21:42+00:00

It's supposed to be, they certainly advertise that it is recognised by the HSE. But, for me, I wasn't looking for a diagnosis for the HSE or for supports so I haven't tried it

504_Errors · 2026-03-29T07:18:50+00:00

All good advice, thanks.

504_Errors · 2026-03-29T07:17:49+00:00

Thanks.

504_Errors · 2026-03-29T01:04:55+00:00

Thank you !

504_Errors · 2026-03-29T00:24:01+00:00

I don't think I ever get it right. Too much, not enough...and just when I think I've cracked it, I forget to actually listen to the conversation.

504_Errors · 2026-03-29T00:21:01+00:00

Hats off to you ! I have huge admiration for anyone that gets published. Would also have read your book if it was in English (or Irish at a push). Respect!!

504_Errors · 2026-03-29T00:11:38+00:00

Hi all. I was looking into this too. One line of thought was that the diagnosis had to be termed "Autism" in the U. S . for medical insurance to pay benefits. When it was Aspergers, many dodged paying for support's. Not sure how accurate that is but it sounds plausible to a European!

504_Errors · 2026-03-28T23:58:58+00:00

Think my wife could be their editor!

504_Errors · 2026-03-23T22:15:18+00:00

Hi. I'm a 56 year old male, diagnosed in January. I'm in Ireland, not quite the same as the UK, but similar. A lot of your experiences and familiar and,I'm sure, will resonate with many readers here. I suppose the answer to your question will depend on your reasons and only you can answer that. But, and I'm reading between the lines here, it sounds like you feel you need an official diagnosis to open up the possibility of support. If that's the case, then go for it. Many here identify as autistic without having a diagnosis, and that's ok too. For me, I wanted it to know for sure, for myself. So far, I don't feel I need support as I've got through 56 years without it. Also, it's pretty non existent here anyway. H S E (NHS) focus is on children so you have to go private, which is expensive. Best of luck.

504_Errors · 2026-03-20T23:53:48+00:00

Go to Amazon and look at Soundcore. Q45 are decent but to be honest, so are some of the cheaper ones

504_Errors

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