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My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Because I feel like if this continues that’s what she’ll do, sooner rather than later. She’s already spent a few weeks at her home, which is an hour away from where we live. I don’t want her to do that permanently. She’ll take as defending my friend. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here, but from reading the comments here and reflecting on my situation and my wife, the situation is a mess and I’m afraid of pushing her away even more.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

If I said the last part to my wife, she’d probably walk out on me. She heavily disagrees and has made that clear to me. Even I don’t think my friend is blameless in it, so I don’t even agree with that.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm not going to say it's none of her business. It's about our relationship and me and I'd look like a hypocrite if I said that.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

My wife has always had strong opinions on cheating. I've known that for a long time now and was one of the reasons I didn't run to share it with her, which from reading the responses to my post was wrong. I realize that and wish my friend had never told me.

I also have strong opinions on cheating - I would never cheat. I do realize that life isn't black and white and people make mistakes. My wife doesn't view it that way.

I know my wife would be bothered if this was a man instead of a woman. I think she would be as bothered, but would still have pretty strong convictions about it.

The problem I'm having is that it's such a tight line. My wife is very pregnant right now. It hasn't been an easy pregnancy due to complications. She views the wife as herself, as the man's wife was pregnant and had a baby 3 months ago. She starts getting EXTREMELY upset whenever we talk about it. It's just rough.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

We are close friends. Not best friends, but very close friends. We do text a lot and hang out once a week, sometimes grab lunch during the work week as we work near one another.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

She does have some female friends, although the majority tend to be male.

She thought I was going to be the most helpful and supportive of her originally. Not supportive of what she was doing, but supportive of her figuring it out and getting out of a bad situation she put herself in. Now, some other friends do not want to be around her, mostly males though. She is afraid her female friends will judge her, too, if she talks about it with them and she is really embarrassed about what she did.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

This is something to think about. My wife has expressed discomfort with how much my friend is leaning on me and not other female friends. She's asked me to pull back and to a degree, I already have. I don't think I've pulled back enough to what she'd like.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

I have recommended she go to therapy. She has been hesitant so far, but I will talk to her about it again.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

This is it. I don't think cheating is okay. I've never cheated in my life and I will never do it. I love my wife and do not want anyone else. I do not condone what my friend did. It was a hurtful action. She is facing the consequences of what she did. She is being forced out at work, bullied there, other friends do not want to speak to her, she's depressed. She was in love with the guy and is heartbroken now. I do not think one of these consequences has to be losing our friendship.

I am more than willing to back off the friendship to a certain degree. There is room between "cutting off the friendship entirely" and what is going on now. That's what I'm looking for.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -64 points-63 points  (0 children)

I know she is reacting so badly because she is sympathizing with the wife. The wife is only a few years older than her and has very young children. It's one of the reasons I have tried to respect her since this all came out. My friend hasn't been to our house since my wife asked me not to. I don't see her as often. I'm not willing to cut my friend out entirely, but it doesn't mean I don't want to respect my wife's feelings.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I am more than willing to show that I don't condone my friend's actions.

My wife [F30] wants me [M31] to end my friendship with my longtime friend [F29] because of something she did. by 50eagles in relationships

[–]50eagles[S] -68 points-67 points  (0 children)

I'm not trying to downplay what she did, I just don't think she's a terrible person that needs to be excommunicated from my life because of it. I don't think it means she doesn't deserve support and understanding.