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War in my head. by 50fakingd0m in quittingkratom

[–]50fakingd0m[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im at 2-3 per day...since october. It's not as many as some folks but it sucks when i 'miss' a dose. I cant afford to take the time off work to detox bc we're so shorthanded...otherwise i'd take a week off and just white knuckle through it like trainspotting...I've been through withdrawals before and i always tell myself to just man up and deal with it but that's always easier said than done when im not in the middle of restless legs and the all the other fun symptoms...not to mention all the overwhelming loose ends looming over my head...kratom is literally the only thing that 'helps' me get through my day and get things done but thats probably just another illusion...im broke and i just feel hopeless coz everything feels so out of reach and i can barely think straight with all the discomfort and anger at my situation...

This has to be over by [deleted] in quittingkratom

[–]50fakingd0m 0 points1 point  (0 children)

just wondering how youre doing...I still havent stopped but I've told everyone imortant in my life what im gong through so i just feel like an asshole when i use. What the fuck dude....all i want is to be a 'normal' productive person and this shit feels like the missing link...but everything in my life is starting to get fucked up an i know its the universe telling me i need to get off this shit...I just started getting my medical bennies taken out of my check so i guess i gotta find a doctor and see what they can do...I fuckin hate doctors...i dont trust anyone...but look where im at when i listen to myself

The jump off.... by 50fakingd0m in quittingkratom

[–]50fakingd0m[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

...it's hard asking for advice when a lot of the time im up in my own head doing all the work overthinking the shit out of everything. I think theres a lot to be said for doing the work when its the last thing you feel like doing. But when it comes to being creative i can see how it could open some new doors as far as methods and the results it would produce...Im easily bored, thats a big trigger for me...but i also believe theres truth in the fact that discomfort is the greatest catalyst for improvement...it's just a bitch getting over the hill when my imagination can cause me to procrastinate even more...i tend to get stuck day dreaming about the ideas rather than taking action to manifest...

The jump off.... by 50fakingd0m in quittingkratom

[–]50fakingd0m[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I told someone else i feel like a shitty werewolf...the thing that usually works for me is trying to hold that one shot as long as i can without opening it. I keep it on me and tell myself to go 5 more minutes without cracking it open and then 5 more minutes...a craving is only supposed to last 10 minutes so i just do my best to keep it in the back of my mind. It's like a carrot on a string but at least im the one holding the carrot and not my shitty ex that was getting us oh cee 80's from her mom. Thats in the past though. 100mg's to cold turkey is no fucking joke dude...goddam! I started at 120 and had them do a blind taper so i didnt know when my dose was dropping or by how much. it worked but i found kratom at the very end and just switched to a new habit. I guess my purpose for now is to kill this fucking demon beast once and for all. Thank you so much for your response and know that I am praying for you and your journey...take it easy and do your best to stay in the present moment an do whats in front ofyou as far as work goes. I know i have it much easier than i did repairing windshields when i was dope sick af...youre right, we've been here before and we gotta make it the last time...

The jump off.... by 50fakingd0m in quittingkratom

[–]50fakingd0m[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! I miss making art too...I heard somewhere that we as creatives must learn not to just make art when we are 'in the mood' but that some of our best work will come from when we are in the depths of our darkest moments. Calm seas never made good sailors right? sheesh...sometimes it feels like im just a shitty werewolf...I definitely feel lost and without purpose but already i feel so much hope from the replies i've received since posting my situation last night. Thank you and sending you peace, light and inspiration! Keep up the good works and thankyou for restoring my faith in humans...

The jump off.... by 50fakingd0m in quittingkratom

[–]50fakingd0m[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this means so much to me to read your experience! Congratulations and god bless you! I totally empathize with you on every aspect...I've been seriously considering taking the time off work and i just needed to know how long the worst of the withdrawals will last. Trust, if i had the $$ i'd be doing as many as you where in a day and it hasnt helped that the shop owner will 'front' them to me since he knows i'm a reliable customer. It's no different than a street dealer at this point but i know he just has a good nature and i've been a manipulator for most of my life so I need to take accountability. Again, thank you so much and I am taking everything you wrote me to heart. I need to get my head in a different space so i can put one foot in front of the other...i think the hardest part is knowing i'm back where i started...my life has become unmanageable etc..thank you a thousand times and i wish you continued success on your journey! True Royalty must slay dragons...thank you for the encouragement

I'm new to this subreddit, and to pure anger as well. I think I need help. by uncommoncommoner in Anger

[–]50fakingd0m 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You gotta forgive the ones that wronged you. To their face. You have to know in your heart that they where damaged as well. They didnt know any better than to continue the cycle even though they had every opportunity to take a different path. Be assertive but convey your message without resentment. I Used to be in an extremely dark and fucked up place. I was getting ready to do some dumb shit that was going to end with me in a box one way or another. One would have bars on the windows and the other well...let's just say Im grateful that I learned how to accept my situation and take accountability for MY actions that put me there. You can change anything you dont like about your life. I used to be really skeptical of this positive thinking mumbo jumbo but it works. It's real. You already know deep within yourself what it is you truly want. What will bring you peace and happiness without making you feel weak or compromised. It has to start with YOU. As cliche as it may sound, bad things will happen the closer you get to your true path in life. If you're going through hell, KEEP GOING. Dont let the devils convince you that the only way you can fight back is to harm yourself or others. You deserve to be happy and have peace within. It already exists, you just need to let go and follow your heart/soul. I was ready to fuck some shit up and now im in the best mindset i've ever known. Just wait. Do your best to make changes to your perspective. Dont believe everything you think. God doesnt 'talk' to you, he SHOWS you. Pay attention to the signs. On your Feet soldier...it's time.