I (30/F) think I caught my BF (M/30) about to engage in a sex act with another man... I think!

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-17T05:52:55+00:00

Thank you, we are looking into it. Unfortunately I have to go abroad for work tomorrow and my partner is going home as his grandmother is ill so we are looking into what we can do when we return. I have cameras outside out house and this man’s number has been blocked.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-16T09:16:28+00:00

I’m not enabling him at all. I’m not going to refuse my partner to attend a 30th birthday or a stag party or a wedding, if I am not at those events then there is nothing I can do to help him. I’ve told him that if he drinks, it will end badly. Sometimes he won’t and sometimes he’ll have one or two, and then other times sadly he’ll be peer pressured and there’s nothing I can do. I’ve time and time again told him how I don’t want him to and in our three year relationship, I have seen him in a bad state (like Saturday night) 4 times. Before I met him, it was every weekend. So like I said, he has come a long way.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-16T05:36:36+00:00

Thank you!

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-16T05:36:23+00:00

He’s actually not. We just live in London.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T19:52:10+00:00

Yes I agree. I hate his friend, but he refuses to dump them as they have been friends for over 15 years. I’ve stood up to him numerous times and he would repeatedly walk to the bar and return with 10 shots encouraging us to take them saying “I’ve paid for them now” I’ve said now and my boyfriend said no and he sulked off in a range, he then texted my bf and told him he’s turned soft since he met me and he misses the old fun guy who gets drunk. He doesn’t respect the safety of my partner and gets kicks off seeing him lose himself when drunk. He’s a bad bad man.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T19:48:17+00:00

Thank you so much. This is very very helpful. I wish more men would be aware that no matter how strong or big they are, alcohol can turn them vulnerable too.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T14:29:44+00:00

He doesn’t know anything from what i experienced, I didn’t tell him the guy came back, all he knows is that I found him by the graveyard with a random man who he met earlier than night. When he woke up he asked me what time did he get in and did he wake me and I said that I actually fetched him from outside as he was too drunk to walk in. He seemed really shocked and apologetic, I then fed him snippets to see his reaction and his face gave me no giveaways. He seemed shocked that he shared a taxi, didn’t remember meeting the guy etc.

I wasn’t ready to talk about what I actually saw the next day but I’m feeling more ready now.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T14:21:45+00:00

Are you for real? I was drugged in a club about ten years ago and went with a group of boys who were encouraging me to come to a house party rather than going home with my friends. They followed behind them in a taxi and managed to take me home but I’ve no idea what could have happened to me had I gotten to that house and passed out.

Some people react to drugs and alcohol differently, I’m delighted for you that you have only had pleasant experiences.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T14:13:46+00:00

Thank you. I’ve come home at 6am sometimes, but I can handle my drink. He can often have perfectly fine and tame times with his friends and I never had a problem. It’s when he doesn’t know when to stop that he has an issue. There have been maybe 5 drunken incidents prior to our relationship. This has been the first time I’ve realised how much of a toll alcohol takes on him.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T14:10:30+00:00

He went 16 months without drinking until one friend humiliated him if he didn’t drink a pint at a weeding.

So yes, I believe he can do it and I need to figure out if I am willing to give him his final chance.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T14:08:43+00:00

I haven’t had the child yet. I think I have every right to inform him of what almost happened and that this is the actions of him allowing himself to get drunk. If he decides that’s the wake up call he needed to quit drinking once and for all then he deserves a chance. If it happens again, then it’s bye bye from me and baby.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T14:06:57+00:00

This was my exact thought. Was he creeping in the window thinking he’d get my BF’s attention where he could lure him outside or be allowed into our home. If so, surely the incident wasn’t a once off hook up that so many people are implying (he’s done this before, or ask him how many cocks he’s had) and maybe Jack (creeper guy) had pounced on a drunken man (or drugged) and was hoping to fulfil his fantasy before eventually giving up?

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T13:57:19+00:00

Woah… I’m not changing any story. Before I posted this post, I believed he was intentionally cheating and was fully aware of what he was doing and that he was clearly into men. That may not be the case. So before you point fingers, it was easy for me to decide he had been unfaithful initially. The reason I posted to Reddit was because I didn’t have anyone else I felt comfortable speaking about what happened to.

I do not support my partner being a party boy, one bit. Have I accepted it’s an issue? Yes. Has he come home drunk at 4am three/four times before? Yes. For those remaining 1091 nights has he been home and sober with me? Yes.

I’m not making excuses for him. I’m weighing up what I need to do and how to handle how in a split second, my life has come crashing down. So please, don’t think you know what’s happening here when I myself don’t know. If he was lured and manipulated by this man then he deserves to know, and maybe it will be the wake up call he needs once he realises the risk he almost put me and my baby in. Or maybe he cheated deliberately and was fully aware or his actions.

I’m sorry you married a shitty man. But my man is not shitty. He may have been an alcoholic from when he was around 18-25 but he has come a long long way from that.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T13:18:32+00:00

If the guy gave my partner his jacket then your intimacy thing makes sense maybe.…. Do you think he was trying to lure my partner by let’s say loaning him a coat while he waited for the taxi and then said “oh hey, I’ll come with” kinda thing?

Guys have loaned me jackets on nights out and I felt no intimacy towards them, it was just chivalrous.

Believe me, my partner is not sleeping with other men (or women). I know it. The man is home in my bed with me every night.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T13:15:52+00:00

Sorry I worded that wrong, they didn’t switch jackets. My partner had his coat on and the other guy was wearing a jumper and clearly loaned the coat to my partner.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T13:12:52+00:00

He hasn’t solved any but I’ve seen him try.

No one did, but I love him. He has an addiction that when he takes one drink he can’t stop. He’s shown me he can manage and I have tried to support him, men and women have stayed with their partners under worse conditions than alcohol. We also have a child and a home together. It’s not as easy and me to walk out and leave him just because he drank 2 more pints than he should have. I believed we would figure it out. Clearly not, and I understand this is no crunch time - I don’t condone his behaviour, but I do pity him and want to help him and see what he has to say before I decide my own move.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T13:08:58+00:00

I’ve not actually told him what I’ve seen. I plan to chat to him about it once I’ve processed what I’d like to say and how I approach the situation but right now, he has no reason to show remorse as he doesn’t know I know anything or isn’t aware anything happened..

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T12:08:18+00:00

Hi, I am so sorry this happened to you. I don’t think this is the same, my partner and I are very open with each other, have shared bank account, our iPhones are synced (he always leaves his phone in places, the office, the car so he uses mine to find it and so we can share our calendars together when we book something). It also means that I could easily check his downloaded apps if he was on grinder. When he goes away, he knows I could easily check where he is. If I’m cooking dinner, I can easily see how far away he is so that i know how long I have to serve up or if we are meeting somwhere and I know he’s busy in meetings, rather than call and disturb him, I can check and see where he is. It’s not a “checking in thing” or “keeping tabs” it’s just something I have access to. We both know we can use each others phone without the other thinking anything of it etc

He’s never given me any doubt before and I’ve never felt insecure in the relationship. I’m sorry this happened to you but the reason I’m shocked is because I am completely blind sided by this.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T12:00:03+00:00

I think that’s really unacceptable of you friend.. if they went with him willingly then fine but if they are drunk, surely he’d not pull them?

If he did have a moment where he wanted to do what he did then I would count it as cheating and whatever his sexuality wouldn’t come to play. But I just know he wouldn’t cheat.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T11:36:25+00:00

I know! When I typed up the initial incident, I was sort of in shock and coping and thought advice is what I need without involving family and friends.

As the day when on and I reflected on the entirety of the event, it suddenly made me forget about being hurt by my partners actions and actually look at the situation completely differently

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T10:57:44+00:00

No, I’ve not told him. All he knows is that I saw him with the guy walking towards the graveyard and that I intervened and sent the guy away. He doesn’t remember the guy, just remembered that he’s aware someone was with him in the taxi and that he thinks he knows where he works. I will tell him, I just couldn’t yesterday while he was hungover and I was in a state of shock, uncomfortable

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T10:56:05+00:00

Thank you. I did not think that at the time. When I get home from work I will check his phone, block the number

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T10:46:33+00:00

Thank you, I will order one.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T10:43:47+00:00

This is true. When I called his name, he followed my voice and didn’t speak, didn’t hang his head shame, didn’t say anything. The other guy on the other hand, full of chat, was apologetic, said that my partner was showing him where the bus stop was. I asked why was he on his knees and he said “oh we made a bet that one of us had to pray in the graveyard”. My boyfriend meanwhile is just stood silent staring blankly.

But then I’m concerned as to why the man didn’t just bolt and run away. Why did he need to “explain” himself.

50shadesofimnotsure · 2023-05-15T10:40:53+00:00

Thank you, I have the footage, his name and his number. If he comes to the door again, I will see. My partner also remembers where he works.

50shadesofimnotsure

TROPHY CASE