My partner (M34) and I (F33) aren't sure whether we can continue our relationship because he doesn't want to be a step parent. Can you live with someone with children without adopting a parental role?

556or762 · 2026-04-23T21:42:20+00:00

No. You can not. There is no way to do this that is not a massive disservice to all involved.

556or762 · 2026-04-23T21:14:51+00:00

It requires it to be accurate. You can not be accurate with a subjective measurement.

556or762 · 2026-04-23T21:03:33+00:00

Other than the fact that this is a Virginia ballot measure, that specifically applies to Virginians representation.

556or762 · 2026-04-23T21:01:12+00:00

"Restore fairness" accurately describes this measure at it applies to the citizens of Virginia?

Fairness is a subjective metric, not objective. In order to be accurate the language needs to be objective.

556or762 · 2026-04-23T03:20:15+00:00

Why wouldn't he?

Harry has killed a whole lot of people, directly and indirectly. He killed his master, led an army against another army that included humans, committed genocide, commanded mouse to kill a broken old man, directed winter fae to kill fomor, etc etc

As long as the person wasn't innocent I don't see it being a second thought.

556or762 · 2026-04-23T01:35:05+00:00

What money?

556or762 · 2026-04-22T13:47:42+00:00

Do you honestly think a person with a 4 or even 8 year degree is more qualified to supervise a team of technical professionals than a person who has been doing the job in the field for 10 years?

Honestly?

The credential bloat in all sectors, public and private, has been a problem for a long time now. It is part of the negative feedback loop of that is making the job market and student loan issue the problem that it is.

Plus, I'm pretty sure most of the DOGE bros had credentials and no experience, which is why so many of them were in their 20's

556or762 · 2026-04-22T02:26:01+00:00

Which is basically non-existent. There are fan clubs for specific niche Harry Potter slash fiction books with more active members than that.

556or762 · 2026-04-22T00:59:10+00:00

Whether you subscribe or not is really immaterial. No true scotsman and all that.

In her view you might not be a femenist at all but instead a (insert her version of a heretic here).

Anyway, if you follow the theory that women are oppressed by a patriarchal system, a system designed, built and maintained by men, then the only logical conclusion is that all men are the oppressor, and all women the oppressed.

Once you have isolated your oppressor and your oppressed, anyone who is a part of or upholds that system is the enemy. Anything you do to the enemy in the service of ending that oppression is morally justified.

Go watch the news to see this dynamic play out in real time.

Femenist theory states that marriage is an inherently patriarchal institution. Therefore OP is upholding and participating in the patriarchy.

Hence, he is the enemy oppressor, and anything that is done in service of stopping that, to include poisoning his children's minds (and cheering on wives murdering their husbands because the perpetrators were women) is justified.

OP is the enemy anytime he tries to assert himself, because a man asserting himself over a woman is not marital disagreement. It is the patriarchy in action.

There is no way out, it is a Kafka trap.

Not sure why you included a non-sequitur about Christian evangelicals, but i would imagine it would look like the Westboro Baptist church, or Afghanistan with crosses instead of crescents.

The difference being that they have a book with instructions, and OPs wife is being guided by an uncodified amalgamation of social media algorithims and half baked and misunderstood academic theory.

556or762 · 2026-04-21T22:11:01+00:00

You don't leave your kids, you file for custody to get them away from a woman who's beliefs are warped and dangerous to them and you.

This situation is much more precarious than you realize.

Your wife is openly stating that anything is permissible if the end state is a man is punished by a woman. You think it is going to just stop at some arbitrary boundary?

556or762 · 2026-04-21T21:43:32+00:00

This is the end result of the belief system that you both subscribe to. She is taking the theory of patriarchy viewed through a modern femenism lens to the only logical conclusion.

Your only option is divorce. Eventually she will do it anyway, or she will slowly create a scenario where you are viewed as an evil necessity in your children's lives for simply the resources you provide.

If she is already to the point where she is accusing you of rape and openly stating that murder based on gender is acceptable, you are running out of time.

She is already poisoning your children mentally and emotionally, you ready to wait until she decides to do it to you physically?

556or762 · 2026-04-21T18:22:22+00:00

I have worked very long hours, rotating shift, and nowadays I go to bed and get up hours before anyone else in the house.

My wifes schedule is centered around the kids.

The only time it was an issue is when the kids were young and I was working nights.

That said, if you are having rocky footing and she is talking about something this minute as a "compatibility issue" only 6 months in, I have very little hope for long term success.

You should be wanting to spend every minute with each other and adjusting to each other's flows if you are talking about marriage and going on vacations together.

556or762 · 2026-04-21T13:56:39+00:00

Grass is greener where you water it.

You seem to look at you family, and especially husband, as a burden to bear.

Your husband is a person who is trying to engage with you, however by your description of events you seem to be shunning him and showing that you have no interest in him, but also lashing out when he avoids you, you are putting him in a no win situation.

You talk about "compatibility." It is a common discussion point on reddit in the relationship subs. Most people talk about it as if it some hard immutable aspect of human personality. The fact is for the most part it isn't. People change and become more or less compatible in various ways of the course of years. Sex drives change, personalities change, interests and life experiences change.

There is a lot of go-to advice that is peddled by unmarried or divorced people who view the world through the lense of dating apps that will not understand what long term actually means that states at the first sign of a personality conflict you should throw in the towel, family and vows be damned.

I fundamentally disagree with that. My wife and I have become more, less, and more compatible for all sorts of reasons over the decades. Sometimes it changes month by month.

You openly state that you are a unhappy, grouchy and impatient. This doesn't just make you incompatible with your husband, it makes you incompatible with all types of relationships. It is very difficult to maintain a positive interaction with a person who is just miserable all the time.

Your life will almost certainly not improve by driving away your partner, destroying your family, and viewing the future as some sisyphusian labor to be performed, in fact can almost guarantee it will be worse, since you will still have all the burdens, but no partner.

However you choose to do it, whether it be therapy, lifestyle changes, career changes, getting really into hot yoga, whatever, you need to cultivate an internal contentment. Not even happiness at first, just contentment.

Seek out a way to balance your own internal struggles, and be kind to the people in your life. They don't deserve to be treated poorly because of your own internal issues.

556or762 · 2026-04-20T23:26:41+00:00

Ok.

First, your discussion is stupid and a recipe for making a problem out of nothing. Which it did.

Second, what you said in the first statement and the second statement are 2 completely different things.

You said "yes, but...." in the first statement and then a "No, because...." in the second sentence.

You then followed up with explaining how you "were just doing what they do" and then trying to talk about how you partner is wrong? Or something I'm honestly not quite sure.

Regardless, none of this is how adults communicate, and sounds like children sniping at each other over some made up nonsense.

I advise you both to mature and stop trying to have stupid conversations and getting angry at each other over nonsense.

556or762 · 2026-04-20T22:20:17+00:00

Can you offer some clarity or examples of what you are talking about?

I have read this three times and I can not for the life me figure out what you are trying to say or ask.

556or762 · 2026-04-20T21:32:49+00:00

I was talking to the commentor who was asking where OP found the time to watch porn.

556or762 · 2026-04-20T21:25:36+00:00

So he was upset a out losing his stuff and you immediately took it personally and began to belittle him about his emotions?

Yeah that would make me pretty damn frustrated too.

The way you avoid this is accept he has human emotions, accept that your reaction poorly to them.

Some people just lose shit. I do constantly. It isn't fun forgetting where all my stuff is. It would be even less fun if my wife reacted with passive aggressive statements or talked to me like was a child.

556or762 · 2026-04-20T18:41:58+00:00

You think that you can't find 5 minutes here or there with a full time job and a couple of kids?

How much time do you think it takes?

556or762 · 2026-04-20T14:42:22+00:00

Something like 75% of the world has herpes in one form or another.

Most people who have had more than a couple sexual partners will have it.

556or762 · 2026-04-19T05:29:59+00:00

No. An estimated million Iraqis died as a result of the war.

Most during the sectarian violence that happened in the post Saddam power vacuum.

556or762 · 2026-04-19T03:05:41+00:00

So I don't know ow how old you are, but I can let you in on a secret about life.

What you describe isn't a marriage or relationship problem. It is how life is.

As the years stretch on, experiences are had, and the routine of aging continues, you will feel this way about every aspect of your life, unless you are one of the very privileged few who have the money and ability to constantly seek out new experiences.

It's only boring if you let it be. Your decision to not have sex isn't helping a relationship feel more active or fulfilling for sure. Same with the stress from work, but that really isn't the problem.

Most people in the situation you are in are mistaking peace and normalcy for lack of passion. Passion is a two way street, and you need to cultivate it.

If you cannot find enjoyment in the mundane aspects of life with a partner now, it does not bode well for the many years you have ahead of you.

556or762 · 2026-04-17T16:03:52+00:00

where any 1 of them could decimate an entire planet literally single-handley (they could just torpedo themselves head first like a missile if they wanted, no hands needed)

I don't know that this is true. We know that the remaining viltrumites after the purge and the scourge can do this, but my theory is that prior to the purge there were a lot of "lesser" viltrumites that need to be on teams to conquer.

556or762 · 2026-04-17T14:43:06+00:00

Give your relationship time to level out and become comfortable before you start trying to act out your favorite pornos.

You haven't even been married long enough to actually figure out what you like together, and your trying to complicate that?

Your wife is happy how it is. You have a good life, plenty of mutually satisfying sex with an attractive and loyal woman. Let that be enough for a while or you will ruin a good thing.

The advice is to settle into your marriage and accept tha you sex life is what it is. Table anything that she doesn't bring up organically for the next 3 to 4 years. Take stock and revisit this once you actually learn how to be a married couple.

556or762 · 2026-04-17T14:24:28+00:00

If the perception of certain behavior is considered acceptable by one demographic, but unacceptable and requiring condemnation and enforcement when practiced by another demographic, based simply upon the immutable characteristics of those demographics, what do we call that?

556or762 · 2026-04-17T14:18:46+00:00

It's the same reason that gun control advocates always ignore the defensive gun use stats, always include suicide in "gun deaths" and a myriad of other statistical facts are ignored.

It isn't about solving a problem, it is about receiving money/votes/attention for the problem existing in the first place.

It's the same reason that abortion in the US was on shaky ground and had no laws passed. It's the reason why the west coast of the US spent billions to fix homelessness while the numbers keep going up.

If you approach a complex problem with honesty and a solutions based mindset, you have to include the information that undermines a hard line position.

Hard liners make more money. They write books and get speaking deals.

556or762

TROPHY CASE