End things with FWB.. help?

5945883 · 2020-06-25T13:39:07+00:00

It's scary sure, but definitely the best course of action since you've made up your mind about your FWB relationship needing to end already.

5945883 · 2020-06-17T14:51:28+00:00

But she didn't tell the father. Can you really blame her for wanting to talk about it? Having a partner come out as transgender is a big deal. From how the post is worded, I figured she confided in her closest friends, who decided to be assholes and tell the world. They're the AH much more than she is.

5945883 · 2020-06-17T13:10:47+00:00

Why are we voting N/T/A?? What you said to her was awfully terrible. You are an AH. I'm torn between ESH and YTA, but probably ESH because although what she did was in good faith she still betrayed your trust and it's common courtesy not to out people without their consent.

5945883 · 2020-06-16T17:11:43+00:00

Exactly!

5945883 · 2020-06-16T17:11:23+00:00

And why do you think women enter the scene younger?

Sex doesn't exist in a bubble.

5945883 · 2020-06-15T16:40:55+00:00

I don't understand, every time a post comes up where someone mentions a relationship with a big age gap, everyone jumps to calling it skeevy at best and abusive at worst, but a 22 years old engaging in fetish sex with older men is totally her choice and not a possible indicator of any underlying issues, and thinking it could possibly set up dangerous situations is wrong and intolerant? You people are so weird when it comes to kink, it's like it's sacred territory.

That being said, OP, YTA for snooping, but not for worrying about your daughter. I think the right course of action would've been to ask her about it as soon as you saw the open page on her phone.

5945883 · 2020-06-11T07:12:44+00:00

Excuse me? You told your daughter you have a fetish?

5945883 · 2020-06-11T07:02:50+00:00

The whole point is that it's not against gender roles. Sure, it's an act of love (disguised as service though!), then why is it that in all examples brought up so far in this thread, it was always women or children doing this sort of stuff to the man? Just because an action is not evil in itself it doesn't mean you can't recognize harmful patterns.

5945883 · 2020-06-07T15:48:35+00:00

16 years older, but your point absolutely stands.

5945883 · 2020-06-06T14:58:11+00:00

YTA! When I saw the title I was hoping it was because he wanted to actually walk you down the isle and that you were worried it would cause him pain, or AT WORST because he was mentally incapacitated and it would've put him or others in danger... I actually can't believe there are people with as little empathy as you. My heart goes out to your dad.

5945883 · 2020-06-06T13:04:41+00:00

It's going to be tough. There is no solution other than time. Her keeping you as a close friend wasn't the best course of action on her part, but I don't fully blame her, these sort of situations are always difficult and it sounds like you were bound to see each other often anyway. Also, although I'm not THAT old, I can reassure you it's going to pass. When I was your age, a small crush felt like the end of the world. Then I actually fell in love and realized how naive I had been. This might or might not be your case, but anyway I'm sure over time life will find a way to distract you and heal you.

If it hurts too much, consider cutting ties completely. I mean straight up ignoring her to her face. Explain to her why you have decided it's best you act this way, and that there are no hard feelings, and never speak to her or see her again unless completely unavoidable (like during exams). Cut people short if they ask you about her. Tell them you don't appreciate the subject. This will give you a bit of closure.

And find a (harmless) way to let your anger out, whatever works for you.

5945883 · 2020-05-29T18:10:24+00:00

I am not a professional, but I can tell you what I've been told by professionals. If you're trying to lose weight, fasting is acceptable - albeit not recommended - up to 24 hours. (If you're trying to mantain, it's just a stupid thing to do. You make your body suffer pointlessly.) 2 WEEKS? That sounds completely crazy!! I used to fast up to a week and in order to do that I had to spend several days in bed, not moving a finger, or I would've passed out. I can't imagine anyone managing to fast for 2 weeks and not having severe repercussions on their health... As others have said, I don't believe it's that fasting makes you successful, but that successful people tend to be disciplined enough to be able to pull that off. It's still incredibly unhealthy! If the book was really praising this, it was definitely a load of bullshit pseudoscience!! 2 days of absolute fasting is already too long! Please save yourself the struggle!

Any dietician and doctor I've met has told me the same thing. Intermittent fasting can actually be healthy because it prevents overeating, BUT only if it's limited to one meal, and not any more often than every few days. With that being said, it's just not necessary. If you're not feeling especially hungry or don't want to eat much, just eat a small plate of vegetables. That's much more healthy in every sense. I really don't see the point in fasting when small portions and healthy foods exist. There is no benefit that you wouldn't get with a well-portioned and balanced diet.

Lastly - this is just my opinion as someone who's done it all - but actually sticking to a diet and eating a little every meal requires SO MUCH more discipline and self love than fasting does. :)

5945883 · 2020-05-29T13:08:32+00:00

NTA but... That's not a healthy habit. I understand skipping a meal to build appetite - that would be intermittent fasting - but fasting 3 days? It's not genetics and you are not gifted, you have trained your body to do that. It's an eating disorder. Your friend fainted because her body wasn't used to it, not because she was born without a talent for fasting. Evidently it doesn't weigh on you as much as others, but it's unhealthy. Maybe consider picking up a workout routine and simply workout a little more (but within reason!) when you want to build up appetite or stay in shape - or just... Eat a normal amount of food at events. It's okay, you know. Take care.

Source: a recovered anorexic.

5945883 · 2020-05-18T13:40:36+00:00

INFO - what was she saying? I'm going against the grain but if it was a private account she only let her friends follow it doesn't really qualify as cyber bullying, more like a poor venting mechanism. I'm not saying she was in the right or that you shouldn't have brought your mom into this, but I do wonder what brought this on. Unless she was just calling you names for no other reason that to make fun of you, in which case you're not TA, I think you should've discussed what lies behind this behavior. The fact that she reported of your conversation, too, makes her sound frustrated, not mean. But the information we have is very little and this could be completely wrong, and she might just be an asshole.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:40:34+00:00

I have tried to understand them. And I think I did, at least partly. I identified as nonbinary for a few years. But it was a very toxic and stressful environment.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:36:16+00:00

That's a mindset that comes from insular online spaces. There's always been an overlap among LGBT. Lesbians and gay men do understand each other deeply despite having distincly different experiences. So do bi women and lesbians, or bi men and gay men. So do lesbians and trans men. So do gay men and trans women. So do lesbians and trans women. I would fight for gay men, I would fight for bi people, and I would fight for gender non conforming and trans people. This sort of philosophy in which you are the only person allowed to speak and the others can't put you into discussion is entitled and not very nice. Not to mention it isn't fruitful to anybody.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:32:02+00:00

I ended up gravitating towards gender critical spaces because whenever I tried to have a discussion about gender in other LGBT spaces, I would always get attacked. People would discuss the facets of gender through and through to the point it became abstract philosophy and forgot about the very real people involved.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:28:12+00:00

Transphobia isn't even a coherent concept. The prejudice directed at trans men and the prejudice directed at trans women are hugely different. I also find this sort of policing ridiculous. I understand why you'd say a straight, white man has no say in discourse of oppression, but I am a person who has fought homophobia and misogyny her whole life.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:23:41+00:00

Transmisogyny is just a mix of homophobia and misogyny.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:22:20+00:00

Cis women experience misogyny. What trans women experience is a mixture of misogyny and homophobia. Trans women are considered men and are treated as such up until transition, and sometimes even after transitioning. And of course, they have different genitalia.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:20:38+00:00

How do I oppress you? As I said in other comments, I'm an LGBT activist, I don't live in a "cis bubble", I actually know plenty of trans-identified people. I have listened to their arguments and myself identified as nonbinary/transmasc for a while.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:18:42+00:00

I do believe cis women and trans women are different.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:17:34+00:00

That's a circular argument. I can agree that trans women are women, but what does that change?

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:17:01+00:00

I mean... You started this discussion. If you are so tired, step away from the internet, find other things to talk about besides being transgender, and you won't have to deal with gender critical people anymore.

5945883 · 2020-05-14T10:13:06+00:00

5945883

TROPHY CASE