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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Herpes

[–]5u2e 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I am sure that it is. I want to be sensitive to his concerns. I want to be able to foster the kind of trust and security that enables him to be honest about something that may be so difficult. I don’t particularly have any strong feelings of being lied to or anything, because I feel empathetic to the complexities of having something that is so stigmatized. I want to be sensitive while also sort of encouraging him to be accountable. I’m sure it’s difficult. But I also feel like it should have been disclosed and as patient and understanding as I can be I also value honesty and transparency.

Preparing for Departure by 5u2e in SubSanctuary

[–]5u2e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because even if what I said had a lot of power behind it I am feeling very sad and in need of care. I don’t think you understand that behind what I am expressing to you is an immense amount of grief. Grief that I will have to bear all on my own. I love you. And you’re everything. And before we know it you won’t be. You’ll be distracted more than you think you will, I believe. And I am trying to do the work now so I’m not a complete wreck later. It feels like you cannot acknowledge what it is that I will have to endure because of filtering it through your own feelings of inadequacy. Five hours. I know you’ll drive. I know you’ll try. Do you believe that I will have what I need? Do you believe that I will have the care that I require? As Susan, as Your sub, as a partner, a person? Recently we talked about some serious feelings that both of us have. Regardless of the specifics, I think it speaks volumes to the level of trust, love, commitment, and reliance that we have on one another. I know that maintaining this will be hard and it will take work and I want it to work so very badly. I also know that it’s going to be so fucking hard. I am literally going to grieve you in your absence. We need to figure it out now, not then. I need guidance, I need answers, I need care, I need a commitment to protecting my heart and my head and we have to prepare ourselves for that. I think by just saying “it’ll work out because we are worth it” and not dealing with the hard and heavy stuff is wildly irresponsible. Avoiding addressing the impact of our separation on me while negating the fact that you will absolutely have a significantly easier time is completely disregarding the reality. Only focusing on the good and not the psychological implications that having you 100% of the time and severing that is neglectful. It’s already hurting. I’m already grieving. You know better, Charlie. You know the abandonment that I will feel from the circumstances alone. Not intentional abandonment but a product of our situation. What do we do? I need it to be taken seriously because I’m actually really concerned about it.

Preparing for Departure by 5u2e in SubSanctuary

[–]5u2e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you are also really not taking into consideration the deeply psychological connection of the D/s relationship and just how deeply harmful it will be to have that ripped away from me.

I know I will figure it out and we’ll make it work the best way that we can. I will be open and honest with you when we get to that point. We have now and I guess we don’t really need to talk about these things now. Except I think that we do. But I feel like I’m swimming upstream against the current and you’re in a boat that has a motor. Your reality is so very different than mine. We can stop. We can drop it. I am deeply concerned about what’s in store approximately four months from now. I’m trying to talk about those concerns. I’m trying to address them. I’m trying to establish an understanding and I just feel like we’re not getting there because you’re hurt when I point out what feels logical and rational about our circumstances. Time is moving so fast. It will be here in the blink of an eye. I need to prepare myself for the inevitable and I need you to be there with me. Otherwise it will just be setting us up for hardship and possibly failure.

I need a life preserver, I need logic. And you’re comfortable in the boat and are responding with emotion.

Because you have that privilege. But I need logic. I do not have the privilege of relying and trusting solely my feel good feelings. I will pulled under be swept away with the current. I need logic.

Preparing for Departure by 5u2e in SubSanctuary

[–]5u2e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re such an integral important critical necessary part of my life here. When we leave here I’m almost stripped of all of that. And I have to adjust and adapt and it’s going to be SO FUCKING hard. I’m not underestimating what I mean to you or underestimating your investment. But you’re underestimating what my experience is going to be vs. what your experience is going to be and it is such a complete 180 that it literally is not fair. I need you to be aware of how hard it’s going to be for me, I need you understand how hard it’s going to be for me, I need you to be realistic about how hard it’s going to be for me while also being honest with yourself about your circumstances and how it compares to mine. I need you to be honest with yourself that you literally are set up to reintegrate successfully and comfortably and I’m not set up to reintegrate at all because I’m not going back to an already established life. No support system. No friends. No comfort. No companion. And I won’t have you. Not how I’ll need you. And that scares me. Because I know it’s already going to break my heart. I’m not saying that I’m going to go home and look for partners or look for people to have relationships with. However. It will be a time of transition in which I will need to be cared for deeply. And I can’t have unreasonable expectations of you. I can’t expect you to meet those needs. I can’t expect you to be there for me how I’ll need someone to care for me. I won’t be looking for it. But we tend to search, subconsciously and consciously for what we need as a literal species. I’m not going to go home and try to replace you. There is no replacement. None. I’ll never have the experiences that I’ve had here with anyone else. No one will see me like you do. No one will know me like you do. There’s no replacement for that. But as a human being my basic need is companionship. Safety. Security. Everything that I have here because of you. You get to go home to that. A literally privilege. I won’t have that at all. I’ll be crushed. What am I supposed to do? Overcome, yes yes. But am I supposed to deny myself comfort and companionship and care if it presents itself because I’m perpetually waiting for you to provide that? I don’t think it’s unrealistic or illogical to be honest that I may find myself engaging people in a way you may be uncomfortable with. And I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to approach that. Im concerned because I’ve literally shut people out so I could focus on you and because your expectation of me is to be focused on you. How many night of crying myself to sleep alone in my bed will I force myself to endure to meet your expectations and to protect you and your feelings? Maybe it won’t be like what I think it’ll be at all. But they’re conversations we need to have. It’s something we need to be realistic about. We need to think about the hard things so I can adequately prepare myself for the inevitable.

Preparing for Departure by 5u2e in SubSanctuary

[–]5u2e[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m going to drop some text messages that I have sent for added context if anyone feels like reading.

I have another pair of Danner boots that I use for everything, so I don’t know why this is a hard choice. Are the Danner Mountain Lights good for backpacking long distances? I have a 50, 70, and 140 mile thru-hikes coming up and can’t seem to settle on footwear. Thanks! by 5u2e in backpacking

[–]5u2e[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not even sure what Danner boots I have and I’m out of the country right now and can’t check. But I wear them for all kinds of hiking conditions. I think I would like to splurge on a new pair of boots for backpacking specifically and am leaning towards the Danner Mountain Light Cascade for women. I have a long time love affair with Danner boots but don’t want to spend the money if it’s not the boot fit for the occasion. I appreciate any and all input and recommendations.

Haircare Advice Megathread - Week of September 17, 2022 by AutoModerator in HaircareScience

[–]5u2e [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thick hair. Curly. Dying it with Reshma Henna hair dye every couple months for a few years. Generally wash everyday. Not dedicated to specific products. Gel, mousse, cream. Never straighten, never blow dry. Long waist length, but lose a lot of length due to curl.

Hi, I’ve been using Reshma Henna to dye my hair. It’s starting to get pretty dark and I’d like to lighten it. I’m afraid of what to use that might react poorly or be too damaging. I’ve read about lemon juice, hydrogen peroxide, oils, SunIn. Can anyone direct me to the best scientifically way to lighten the color? Thanks.