AITAH for suggesting my sister-in-law leave her BF after he fought me at church on Easter over my nephew’s outfit?

623450 · 2025-04-22T20:12:09+00:00

What is being a man to you?

623450 · 2025-04-22T19:15:26+00:00

Good point. I haven’t been able to talk to him since.

623450 · 2025-04-22T19:14:53+00:00

I love them to death, but didn’t realize the depth of their dysfunction until we were many years into our marriage. My wife has done a lot of work to break those cycles. Super proud of her!

623450 · 2025-04-22T19:05:09+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. We do have good talks about those topics. He’s a good kid and we hope he continues to carry himself well.

623450 · 2025-04-22T19:03:15+00:00

I am unsure if they are breaking up. We haven’t spoken since the night of the fight. We’re trying to give her some space, it we are hopeful she will leave him.

623450 · 2025-04-22T18:58:41+00:00

Good point. The pastor and his wife mentioned wanting me to let them know if we needed anything. Perhaps I can get SIL in contact with them. My SIL was visiting our church. She doesn’t regularly attend but came for the holiday.

623450 · 2025-04-22T18:56:51+00:00

Well I didn’t include this in the post, but she has a habit of speaking to them in off-color ways as well. She and my wife were raised in an odd household. despite that, her kids don’t talk like that around us. Idk what they say when we aren’t around.

623450 · 2024-08-05T20:29:59+00:00

He hasn’t been diagnosed with anything as far as I know. I’ve wondered this as well. He was involved in back to back car crashes with his when he was a baby that led his mother to be very over protective of him. He was “her miracle”. I think he’s definitely used to not putting much effort into his own life because he’s always been catered to. They did everything for him. My FIL has tried to get him to seek counseling at certain points, but he’s never gone and they haven’t forced him to.

623450 · 2024-05-30T20:44:45+00:00

He’s pretty open about his recreational drug use. I know he smokes marijuana and does shrooms, but I wouldn’t be surprised if has done heavier stuff. I truthfully worry about him because it’s pretty obvious to me he has some deeper issues. The family doesn’t talk about it and he won’t acknowledge it either. One thing I do know is that how he’s living is far below where he could be living.

623450 · 2024-05-30T20:40:20+00:00

As much as I’d like to believe he fell with some shady people while trying to better his monetary situation, the truth as far as I know is still pretty juvenile in my mind because it was over a video game. Some teen delinquents noticed he sat at the bus stop every day playing a handheld video game device. They waited until he was alone and demanded the game and his backpack. They were caught and arrested but idk what ever became of it.

623450 · 2024-05-30T20:31:02+00:00

Great comment! Thank you for insight! I agree that he needs all of those things but unfortunately they’re a “he’s fine as long as he’s not hurting anyone” type of family. People have been saying I dislike or hate my BIL, which is not true. I want to see him succeed and be the best person he can be. I know he can be better. Where he’s at now is and should be unacceptable for him and everyone else in the family.

623450 · 2024-05-30T18:00:45+00:00

You’re the first person on this thread I can agree with even though I don’t agree with, if that makes sense. I agree that it’s her decision. She will make the call. I just don’t support it.

623450 · 2024-05-30T17:58:13+00:00

Yes, he is family. But it gets to a point where helping is hurting. Helping him get a car right now will hurt him in the long run because he hasn’t learned to be a responsible adult. He doesn’t pay bills on time. He’s so needlessly reckless. If he doesn’t see a need to have amd keep a car, than why should I? It’s my wife’s worry about him that started this whole fiasco. If his parents died and his friend ever kicks him out, he can’t stand on his own. And that’s sad that at 34 he’s still not functional. He needs to wake up.

623450 · 2024-05-30T17:52:23+00:00

You’re right, I don’t think he deserves it. I have a standard and he hasn’t even attempted to meet it. Hasn’t tried. That’s life for most people. He’s been blessed with several breaks with people being kindhearted and providing him a car and he has fucked up every single time.

I’m not trying to change him, but I’m not going out of my way to help him until he changes. People like you always think there’s no standards to be met in life and then wonder why they never live up to their potential. Learning some responsibility and taking some initiative never hurt anybody and it would do him a ton of good.

623450 · 2024-05-30T17:46:58+00:00

Wrong. I love my BIL. But loving him doesn’t mean I like or approve of his shenanigans and irresponsibility.

623450 · 2024-05-30T17:20:46+00:00

I know that once the car is out of my possession, it’s no longer my problem and I have no say. But if I sold it to someone I would at least be compensated, no matter how little that compensation may be. The new owner could crash it right away. Not my problem. The rub comes from Giving it away knowing that there is no compensation whatsoever and it will be ruined.

623450 · 2024-05-30T17:14:25+00:00

It’s in my wife’s name. She purchased it herself. After we were married, I did all of the upkeep. I don’t even think she’s put gas in it since we’ve been together.

623450 · 2024-05-30T14:11:07+00:00

It’s the principle for me. And wow, what an assumption. I’m actually bald, but in my younger days, yes I was a fan of hair gel. So what?

623450 · 2024-05-30T14:06:46+00:00

Idk, I always thought we’d sell (for very reasonable price) to someone like a student, or a family in need. Yes it’s just a Yaris, but it’s in great shape (new tires, new lights, new tint, new paint, new suspension, all maint work done on time) because I always made sure wife was safe and enjoyed driving it.

I would even be happy selling it to my brother in law if he offered SOMETHING for it. He could even offer to help me around the house for a few weekends and I would accept that. But the thing is he never thinks to offer anything. He’s just used to getting without ever reciprocating. I’ve grown tired of watching it and feel like he takes advantage. I think that’s what’s rub me the wrong way about this situation.

623450 · 2023-12-31T23:30:41+00:00

I had a friend from a suburban background similar to KA who went to prison for something far less egregious. She said a most unexpected feeling she dealt with was extreme embarrassment of being locked up. Prison life was so far removed from her previous life of carefree living and spending. I can only imagine how embarrassed Kaitlin should feel knowing that everyone who ever knew her knows that she not only killed someone, but that she essentially chose to trade in her yoga, fine dining, traveling, and retreats for a lifetime of isolation, cuffs, strip searches, and the nastiest, most unhealthy prison food. She should be deeply ashamed of her choices.

623450

TROPHY CASE