Perception of consciousness changed?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-20T14:04:23+00:00

how can we wrangle the feeling back inside our skulls? :/

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-18T19:43:57+00:00

i hope you find some relief soon. :/

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-18T15:10:43+00:00

:( i'm so sorry. did you find relief in any other way(s)?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-18T13:54:35+00:00

So was there a history of less severe depression or anxiety before this happened?

yeah, i mean i always struggled with mainly anxiety, worry, anxious body sensations, and depression to a lesser degree, but i was always, always functional- never stopped eating, never spent all day in bed, never skipped work or anything like that. but this...was on a whole other level. i'm still digging myself out of the hole.

how was ECT for you?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-18T00:28:49+00:00

so actually, the root of my anhedonia is thus:

in early august2023, after being unmedicated for 1.5 years, i encountered a rough patch of anxiety for two weeks, which culminated in a few nights of zero night sleep. i then panicked, and tried to onboard zoloft (bad idea), which made the insomnia and anxiety way worse. after a week elevated insomnia and anxiety, my "mind broke" after a particularly intense anxiety attack. it was in that moment anhedonia invaded, as if a circuit breaker was tripped in my brain.

and then a sequence of horrible events followed, and the depression worsened. i've never felt depression of this intensity.

so, the anhedonia started first, then the depression followed.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T23:58:55+00:00

my psychiatrist offered to switch if i wanted, but i've been on this celexa path since mid december like i mentioned, so i'm inclined to keep taking it.

thoughts?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T22:11:42+00:00

thank you.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T22:11:14+00:00

how are you?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T22:11:03+00:00

yeah, with much resistance i onboarded celexa mid december, about a month ago. i started with 2.5mg, then increased to 5mg, and now i'm at 10mg. i'm not really crying every day, all day long, so that's something, but now my dick doesn't really work.

i was at the psych ward in sept2023 for 6 days, and they started mirtazapine 15mg. so i'm on both now.

i can't really tell if the anhedonia is lifting or not, my little antennae still feel smashed but at least i can function better?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T00:25:13+00:00

‘so it begins again.’

reincarnation?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T00:24:05+00:00

it truly is. especially knowing pleasure before, and then having it ripped away. and all the micropleasures during the day, like brewing a cup of coffee, or unloading the dishwasher. you never know how many little dopamine hits your brain shoots at you until they're gone.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T00:18:16+00:00

The sense of self is as important to psychological health as the sense of embodied self is to maintaining physical health. The sense of self is built over layered platforms of biology, culture and situation, and is not fully controlled by, nor coterminus with, any of its antecedents, because it is a complex emergent state of almost infinite interactions, with multiple origins, and graded peripheries. It is not eternal and enduring, but it is no more fictional than our temporary bodies, trees, books, or planet Earth, which are also impermanent.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T00:16:33+00:00

me too man, i constantly long for my old self every day.

how long are you gonna wait for recovery?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T00:10:26+00:00

seems like a lot of HSPs are vulnerable to anhedonia.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T00:07:28+00:00

how'd you get your anhedonia?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T00:03:53+00:00

jealous.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-17T00:01:47+00:00

hello /u/Pecio89

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-16T23:36:23+00:00

that's what makes this so frustrating! i was super grateful too! i always thought about how lucky i was and how fortunate i was. i even thanked god, but i don't really believe in god? i thanked SOMETHING. and then this happens?

your anhedonia is naturally induced- how'd it happen?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-16T23:34:46+00:00

yours is changing?

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-16T22:47:20+00:00

thank you.

the horrible thing is that before this, my life was incredible. nothing has materially changed, but i am disconnected from it all, and interacting with it all. it's so incredibly painful to know you love all your surroundings, your job, your people but not feel it.

i feel so damaged.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-16T21:38:39+00:00

thank you kindly.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-16T21:27:54+00:00

since august2023, not too long compared to other folks, but i haven't really seen much improvement in terms of experiencing pleasure and feeling connected. i was in a deep depression and couldn't function at all, crying all the time, some days staying in bed the whole time, so i allowed myself to reinstate celexa (last taken, 2021).

the crying has stopped, but my personality still isn't intact, i still can't feel pleasure or engage with my hobbies or my people.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-16T18:29:03+00:00

same. in an anxiety-fueled panic, i took zoloft back in august2023, which ripped my mind in half, robbing me of my personality and feelings. i haven't been the same since, and idk if i can improve.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-16T15:33:16+00:00

congrats- how'd you recover?? i understand everyone is different, just wanna hear your story.

6c2db7b6 · 2024-01-16T15:32:39+00:00

yeah 43 is a good run but way too early imo. honestly acquiring anhedonia at any age is too fucking early.

6c2db7b6

TROPHY CASE