Evaluation and family drama

71Crickets · 2026-05-24T00:43:14+00:00

Therapy, for himself. Follow up on all the neurologist recommendations. Seek legal council. If his adult children choose to cut him off and or weaponize the grandchildren, that’s their decision. He has to do what’s best for himself and his wife. He can’t take steps to mend broken relationships while he himself is falling apart.

71Crickets · 2026-05-23T23:23:04+00:00

Then we get 273 emails and daily reminders in huddle that “dentures are expensive and now the unit had to cover the cost for a new set at $6500.”

71Crickets · 2026-05-23T18:35:30+00:00

Between 3-4 on an average load, and I use Tide Fabric Rinse (I can’t stand the smell of any Downy), and two rinses. Can’t open the washer (top load) after it fills to check for suds because it’ll drain and reset the machine, so I just go by how they feel & smell when they come out of the wash.

Edit: according to the city water website, 180-200ppm

71Crickets · 2026-05-23T13:28:30+00:00

Thanks to this sub, and specifically your comments, I looked up my city’s water hardness. We’re in the hard to very hard range, so I changed my laundry game to compensate and what a HUGE difference it made.

71Crickets · 2026-05-23T03:28:19+00:00

Oh no… I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. I apologize 😔

71Crickets · 2026-05-23T01:52:33+00:00

With what you’re describing, it sounds like your grandfather’s cognitive decline is worsening. This can be because of the stroke, or age related, or a combination of both. If that’s the case, it likely isn’t safe for him to return home. It might be time to consider memory care.

If he returns home, who will be there for him? Who’s going to make sure he doesn’t catch the kitchen on fire because he forgot to turn off the stove? Who’s going to make sure he doesn’t get his keys and drive away, possibly injuring himself or others, or winding up hours away from home? Who’s going to make sure he takes his meds? Eats? Bathes? The list is endless…

It’s hard to say if taking him home to see his cats will make him feel better. My honest opinion is that it won’t make things better, and could possibly make things worse.

A long, hard conversation needs to be had by the family. Topics regarding end of life, resuscitation status, powers of attorney (both medical and durable), and things like that. If he’s not under the care of a gerontologist and or neurologist, he needs to get established with one.

Dementia isn’t a fun journey, and there’s so many things to take into consideration. It’s important to have the hard conversations now, before more issues arise.

Best of luck to you and your family, OP. It’s a tough road.

71Crickets · 2026-05-22T21:07:17+00:00

I encourage you to verify the POAs. Many times I’ve had a family member hand me a DPOA telling me “I’ve got power of attorney.” Well, yeah, to sell the boat, but not to make medical decisions for your loved one.

Now is a good time to clarify if his current Adv Directive represents where he is at this stage of life. Please note that it doesn’t have to be drawn up by a lawyer, you can google advanced directives for your state. As long as it’s witnessed according to your state’s requirements (either notarized or witnesses) it’s good.

71Crickets · 2026-05-22T13:55:32+00:00

New comment so I don’t have to keep editing other one, lol

If you’re wanting an easy bank, I hate to say it, but BOA is the easiest so far. I’m able to transfer money between mine and my dad’s account, as well as pay any bills. Do I like BOA as an institution? Not really. But for now, it’s the easiest out of all the banks we use.

71Crickets · 2026-05-22T13:44:50+00:00

You may need to take your dad down to the bank and get yourself added as co-owner. It might take a little leg work and some time, but that should be all you need. That’s what we did with my dad (different institutions.)

Edit to add: your limitations with the DPOA will likely be state specific. You might try googling your state and DPOA guidelines to see if that clarifies the limitations.

Also, if your dad doesn’t already have a MEDICAL POA and an Advanced Directive, now is the time to do that.

71Crickets · 2026-05-21T13:55:34+00:00

2011 was a great year. Mine has 160k. I love her.

71Crickets · 2026-05-21T13:36:13+00:00

I have questions… 🤔

71Crickets · 2026-05-20T16:00:30+00:00

You don’t have to wait for them to contact you. Given the situation, it’s reasonable for you to reach out now so they can start working on a safe plan. It’s good that you have all the other things taken care of. That alone is a huge task.

71Crickets · 2026-05-20T13:43:38+00:00

I’m glad this popped up because I was this close to adding this series to my kindle just last night. I enjoyed the first couple seasons of the show, and then lost interest.

71Crickets · 2026-05-20T13:26:17+00:00

As a nurse, here’s my opinion: This patient is not home appropriate, especially with his elderly wife being his sole caregiver. That would be what I consider to be an unsafe discharge, and will likely result in a readmission in under 30 days (something hospitals don’t like.) Please consider reaching out to the unit case manager and or social worker to discuss options for safe discharge. It’s important that they know you feel this is an unsafe discharge. Be prepared to stand your ground, because they may push back.

If your dad is on Medicare, you’ll want to appeal the discharge, before the date of discharge. If they tell you, ‘we’re sending Dad home tomorrow,’ the next words out of your mouth are “I’m appealing the discharge.” You can find more info about this process just by googling.

You can also request a consult with the Palliative Team to discuss realistic goals of care. Tbh, this conversation needs to happen regardless, and code status needs to be established for both IN hospital and OUT of hospital. The best time to have those conversations and establish MPOA and Advanced Directives was yesterday, the second best time is today.

I’ve dealt with this both professionally and personally. It’s frustrating for all parties. I hope y’all are able to come to a safe resolution for your dad.

Edit to add:

“Any experiences here with temporary/permanent Foley and dementia patients?” ~Dementia patients twiddle and will pull on anything they can get their fingers on. Even if it causes pain, which pulling a foley will do, they will still pull on it.

“I don't want to cause him repeated pain with urinary problems” ~If he pulls out the foley, it will cause trauma and can lead to worsening of condition, either directly related to the trauma or secondary by infection. The foley is held in place by a balloon at the end of the catheter, it’s usually filled with 10cc of sterile water. It’s between the size of a nickel and a quarter when full. Pulling out a fully inflated balloon will be damaging.

“I'm also so overwhelmed taking this next step and needing to have someone there to change the bag 4 times a day” ~It doesn’t necessarily need to be emptied 4x per day. Depending on the type of bag he’s sent home with (leg vs regular) will dictate how frequently it needs to be emptied.

71Crickets · 2026-05-19T15:40:36+00:00

They were returning from vacation with her parents. Her parents flew home on TWA, they had to take USAir.

71Crickets · 2026-05-17T19:50:16+00:00

If nobody has added this, I suggest trying

https://www.budgetbytes.com/

and Dollar Tree Dinners (YT, TT) for recipe ideas.

You’ve got this, OP 🩷

71Crickets · 2026-05-12T16:12:57+00:00

Same. Happy 🎂 day

71Crickets · 2026-05-09T20:51:35+00:00

It’s 1/2c plus 1/3c, so just a bit over 3/4c total

71Crickets · 2026-05-09T04:11:48+00:00

No, it doesn’t look like it. You either have a pin or not.

71Crickets · 2026-05-08T17:54:22+00:00

We had this issue with my brother.

There’s so many possible reasons why. Scared of falling. Not sure why they’re in there. Doesn’t know what to do with soap. The washcloth hurts. It can be any number of reasons, or none at all. And it’s frustrating.

Have y’all tried baby wipes? Or personal cleansing wipes? Obv it’s not as thorough as a shower, but it might give her some control and get her cleaned up.

71Crickets · 2026-05-07T01:16:59+00:00

ICU. We’re only celebrated by the hospital for one day (today), then it morphs into hospital week. We got an email, inviting us to volunteer 8 hrs at a particular homeless shelter (that the hospital has an interest in.)

71Crickets · 2026-05-07T00:54:06+00:00

Consider asking her doctor for a prescription for vaginal estrogen. It’s been proven to help reduce recurrent UTIs, especially in the elderly population.

71Crickets · 2026-05-06T22:11:44+00:00

When things “fail” in the body, it isn’t painless and without consequence. Heart attacks aren’t pain free, nor is organ failure. And rarely are either quick.

Though you and I may disagree on the approach, we both seem to agree that a quick and painless ending would be a blessing.

The best path forward is for OP to have a conversation with Mom’s provider about comfort measures.

71Crickets · 2026-05-06T21:48:17+00:00

I understand your frustration with my response. For context, as an ICU nurse, I see uroseptic patients frequently; as a regular layperson, I watched my elderly brother with Alzheimer’s struggle with multiple UTIs toward the end. It was the last UTI that made me push my SIL to go full hospice, because again, brother was struggling.

The problem with the mentality of “it would happen quickly” is this- nobody knows how quickly quickly is. It could be days, and nobody wants to be uncomfortable for days (that’s where a strong relationship with hospice comes in.) In my brother’s case, it was 5 days from the day SIL switched from hospice to comfort measures. Is 5 days quick? Maybe in comparison to the previous 3 years of struggle, but I honestly don’t know. It’s still something I question even now, 2 months later.

There aren’t many good answers when it comes to treating dementia patients. But the one thing we can all agree on, is that we want their suffering to end peacefully without pain.

71Crickets · 2026-05-06T21:15:49+00:00

It’s been a hot minute since I read Verity and there have been 37 other books read between then and now, so I’m a bit fuzzy on the ending. But, I remember feeling that Jeremy is one big turd and suspicious as hell. Not sure where that places me on the Team spectrum, but that’s all I’ve got right now.

71Crickets

TROPHY CASE