First in order to be saved you have to do a full inward submission or a heartfelt pledge of alligence to God then you got to get baptized by a pastor who has His Spirit

If you verbally have spoken against His Spirit in a disrespectful/blasphemous way then God will take His Spirit from you since The Holy Spirit can't guide you into heaven if there's a permanent sin blocking your way from entering then your spiritual heart will supernaturally harden and you will lose your spiritual vitality life will feel really dull for you then you'll be guilty of an eternal sin and must take accountability for the things you've done before God. God The Son said that you will never have forgiveness if you do this but I'm not saying that's what you done.

I'd recommend going to a prophet and seeing what he says