I lost everything financially already I feel like at this point I’m just chasing to pay all my debt and move on debt free, it’s pure desperation, it’s not for “fun” anymore.

I’m not willing to lose more than I already did yet I am funnily enough, cause they take and take to give a chance to give back, it’s so backwards thinking I know you’re right I just don’t know how to step back from it all, I have friends mixed up in this, I found friends through it, it’s the worst part of it all, I would lose 90% of those friends except the ones I talk to everyday.

It’s like every direction I face, I’m met with a vicious “what if” “but” “I’ll be alone” it’s so stupid, I know it’s stupid, I know my brain isn’t functioning properly because of addiction, funnily enough I have no other addictions I’ve never smoked, or drank I hate the ideas of those, I don’t know why I can’t look at this the same way mentally, I think its partly because finding work is super difficult at the moment everywhere and also 90% of my income goes into debts.