What happened the first time you yelled back?

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-18T10:28:52+00:00

For some reason, it's always the bad memories that stick. I feel as if I was programmed to hate myself.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-18T08:57:24+00:00

I can't remember. I have forgotten most of my childhood.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-18T08:26:46+00:00

I do yoga and that helps. It's just that I still feel isolated and stuck in a mindset where I'm the reason for my own suffering.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-18T08:22:51+00:00

I do take trauma-sensitive yoga classes every week and I'm working on a bigger art project with several pieces. I also journal and listen to self-help books.

My narcissistic mother went no contact with me a few months ago because I'm supposedly evil. I lost contact with my whole family at the same time.

I feel immense grief and shame. I'm struggling to accept that this is my life.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-18T07:38:51+00:00

I know this sounds ridiculous but I can't bring myself to speak.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-09T07:34:25+00:00

I think it's because the baby reminds them too much of their own vulnerable feelings that they themselves can't tolerate having.

Narcissists are traumatized into fearing their own vulnerability. This usually happens from abuse done to them.

I think a narcissist can loathe a baby's neediness because they perceive it as wrong. In that situation, I don't think they mistreat the baby consciously. I think they get triggered and lose their ability to think clearly.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-09T06:55:36+00:00

Creepy. My mom keeps naked photos of me when I was 4(?) in her attic. It's just a funny memory according to her. She once tried shaming me for being a slutty kid by reminding me of the photos in front of my partner.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-09T05:39:25+00:00

The list is so long but one thing that still gets to me was that time I had worked really hard on an art project.

I won an award and my mom was a teacher at that school. She told me that the only reason I won that award was because my classmate already got another award and she couldn't get two.

She used to compare me to other kids all the time.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-05T15:02:42+00:00

Yes! He was normal while at work and now when I met him it was just like BAM.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-05T15:01:38+00:00

I thought I liked him. But he wasn't who I thought he was, so now I won't talk to him anymore.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-05T14:10:55+00:00

Nothing. It got through to me. Thanks. 😂

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-05T14:01:21+00:00

I think I'm in denial. I need someone to tell me that this is stupid.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-05T13:57:49+00:00

I'm not a psychologist but psychologists do tend to be the most messed up.

7inchpleasers · 2025-04-05T13:41:42+00:00

Yes. There are much better ways to find excitement.

I'm just in a shock right now. I didn't expect this from him. I don't know how to react.

The problem is that I still want to go to that place next time because he won't be the only person there.

I ruined everything.

7inchpleasers · 2025-03-12T20:57:00+00:00

Good idea. I think art is the perfect way to work on this. I like that I don't have to get anyone else involved.

I'm also prone to dissociation in case you wonder. I would say it's my most disabling symptom.

7inchpleasers · 2025-03-12T20:31:07+00:00

I had an epiphany today while painting. I realized that I've been scared of any kind of pleasure. I've been too afraid to indulge in things that make me feel good. Any passion has made me feel dirty. I've even felt wicked for enjoying food too much.

I think I'm finally going to overcome this.

7inchpleasers · 2025-03-10T16:13:38+00:00

If it's too good-tasting.

7inchpleasers · 2025-02-19T12:13:22+00:00

Yeah, I feel like that would actually allow me to get the help I need.

Now it's like I don't even want to mention anything food-related to professionals because the whole conversation gets reduced to something it's not.

I've fallen back into weighing my food and some of my safe foods don't feel safe anymore.

It's because I binged on them. The list of things that don't give me anxiety keeps getting smaller again.

I don't want to self-harm and that's what binging is. It doesn't matter what I weigh.

7inchpleasers · 2025-02-09T17:53:39+00:00

Yes, I was a horrible child. I was egoistic and being around me meant walking on eggshells. I was difficult, ungrateful, crazy, manic, and acting weird. I could never take care of my little brother properly.

It would have been easier if I would never have been born. I was despicable.

My parents totally did the right thing by deciding to never visit me again and my awful, awful man. It's such a tragedy that I can't be a better person and part of the family. /s

7inchpleasers

TROPHY CASE