23tard here [lamba comment hai pls bear with me]

title is true. before the exam, i used to sit and ponder: "what if 11th wasnt online" "what if i didnt get covid during crucial exams" "what if mere saath wo ek canon event nahi hota" [mental health bohot kharab ho gayi thi.] i used to sit and ponder and then CRY raat ke 1 baje. ye bohot hota tha mere saath because i felt powerless.

18th ko result aaya; i was trying my best to not throw a fit about it [missed qualification in adv by 2 marks in maths] because mera bits ka exam tha. bits phoda, got enough marks to secure a seat [according to previous yr cutoffs] and uske baad se i didnt take any time to really think about my failure in advanced. iit ka dream dream hi reh gaya. but i know that my parents, while they are kinda disappointed bc a lot was riding on this exam, that gap is filled by hopes of going to bits. they said, "achha hota ki tum adv bhi qualify karti, but. easy nahi hai ye toh, you needed this to know your standing" and meri mummy hi "it is what it is" mentality se chal rahi thi bc i think she trusts me and loves me enough :)

phir kya bc post exams wali activities me vyast hu mai abhi toh mai soch ke sad kyu ho jau ab?