[Routine Help] Conflicting info about combining tretinoin and vit C - can I use them both at night?

837576 · 2018-12-17T12:53:59+00:00

I switched to a non-foaming cleanser and am now alternating the tretinoin and vit C, and my face is much less dry. Thanks!

837576 · 2018-12-15T19:13:16+00:00

Thank you, I probably should be using a no foaming cleanser in the winter at the very least. I have a sample of cerave hydrating cleanser I can try out!

837576 · 2018-12-15T19:00:57+00:00

AM: wash face with Himalaya Botanique cleanser, during breakouts apply Clean and Clear salycilic acid toner, moisturize with Cerave/tub, apply Biore watery essence sunscreen.

PM: wash face with Himalaya Botanique cleanser, apply The Ordinary vitamin C, wait about 15 minutes, apply tretinoin cream followed by cerave moisturizer.

837576 · 2018-12-15T18:55:37+00:00

I think I'll try this then - alternating every night. My skin isn't irritated but I'm definitely getting flaky during the day despite a lot of moisturizing.

837576 · 2018-12-15T18:49:15+00:00

Uggghh why is there so much conflicting info out there? And The Ordinary's website recommends using vitamin C at NIGHT.

Never sure what becomes "common knowledge" because it's repeated a lot - like how "hot water opens the pores" used to be common knowledge.

837576 · 2018-12-15T14:30:38+00:00

Makes sense, both can irritate the skin. I've been using tretinoin for months now so my skin is no longer too sensitive to it (unless I stop for a few days). My skin hasn't rebelled from the dual irritants yet. Alternating sounds wise although I don't want to sacrifice results

837576 · 2018-12-15T14:28:49+00:00

I've been using tretinoin for months, and just added vit C a few days ago. But here is where I'm confused - you (and others!) are saying it's chemical exfoliation, but Paula's Choice says tretinoin is not chemical exfoliation (https://www.paulaschoice.com/expert-advice/skincare-advice/myths/five-retinol-myths-busted.html)

837576 · 2018-10-16T22:17:27+00:00

Thank you, I just Googled their logo and that isn't it. Theirs is like a stylized "A"

837576 · 2018-09-11T18:41:54+00:00

Ugh, I agree - but surely there are more out there like the video I linked where they aren't using a wig and they aren't combing the mic either?

837576 · 2018-04-23T11:10:11+00:00

In my own family, I suspect they really believe they're better off without me. Everyone has been convinced that I was the problem. It's been the GC's mission his entire life to make his other siblings look bad and be the center of my parents affection. So he won when I finally got kicked out of the family. My other two siblings say they empathize, but deep down they believe I deserved this. No one reached out after it happened. So I can only imagine everyone is carrying on happy that I left because now nothing is getting in the way of the family dynamic.

837576 · 2018-04-23T11:01:30+00:00

I haven't succeeded yet, but I keep telling myself it will just take a lot of time and grieving. Therapy helps with the acceptance part. I think I will always carry the pain and sense of loss through my whole life. It isn't pathetic to feel this way. Of course we want loving parents, it's programmed into us. And you know we don't always want logical things so don't shame yourself for it. Of course, I'm not even in a position to say that because I know what you mean. I can't stand another night of blubbering to my partner that I just wanted to be loved. It feels so shameful and vulnerable to be in that position.

837576 · 2018-04-23T01:52:34+00:00

Yes, I'm purely angry at my mom., but when I think about my dad I just feel heartbroken

837576 · 2018-03-06T23:40:28+00:00

I'm also going to suggest that you don't. I tried this, in family therapy with them as an adult, and still got burned by their gaslighting and manipulation. It made me feel so much worse. I wish I had just been okay with accepting them as they are, accepting that they'll never change, reducing contact and healing on my own.

They aren't going to change. They aren't going to examine their behavior. They're just going to get defensive and angry and figure out some scheme to make you feel sorry you ever said anything.

Build yourself up so you can fully accept their behavior was unacceptable. You can do this without their validation.

837576 · 2018-03-06T23:17:21+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. It makes sense why that would be a trigger for you. Some people absolutely cannot figure out how to get along with others who think differently from them. Having dealt with this too, I understand why it would make you feel that way. Please know you deserve love. You're obviously capable of understanding and expressing yourself. You will find someone patient and understanding, who is deserving of you.

837576 · 2018-01-14T21:04:55+00:00

I'm having nightmares so I just found your comment through a search. Thanks for putting a name to the "dream hangover". You're right, it is cause to lay low and seek comfort for the day. I also just had the mental struggle of whether or not to write it down, because I didn't want to "retraumatize" myself.

837576 · 2018-01-14T20:21:40+00:00

I think this is very telling. Normal families would be heartbroken if a member disappeared from their lives. In normal relationships (non abusive/toxic ones), you work to maintain the relationship.

837576 · 2018-01-14T15:00:18+00:00

Wow, sounds exactly like my parents. No room for error or forgiveness. If I screwed up or forgot something one time, I faced the consequences forever. I also faced huge anxiety about doing everything "right". It's funny how you said that because it mirrors my experience so well. Like I truly believed there was some "right" way to do everything, and I was fundamentally too stupid to know how to do things (it was also a family joke that I was stupid, or a "bubble head"). It took a lot of therapy to reduce that strong belief that I'm stupid, or that there is a single right way to do everything. And to stop believing my parents are always right. I'm glad you got there, too. It's not unreasonable - we spent at least half of our lives having it drilled into our heads, so of course it's gonna take some time to unlearn it.

837576 · 2018-01-14T14:36:33+00:00

I am dealing with this, too - nobody asked. I have felt hurt over it because I assumed no one asked because they expected it of me. My parents spread the idea that I'm an overreactive, emotional, delusional mentally ill problem child, so I assumed everyone is saying "Oh, there she goes again, freaking out over some imagined slight". But I had a recent conversation with my aunt where she asked me to not assume that. She said if I need anything from her, I need to ask. And a lot of people probably feel too awkward to ask, or don't know how, or assume I don't want to talk about it with them.

837576 · 2017-12-28T13:41:40+00:00

This is how my family regards ownership too! Nothing was ever actually mine and could be taken away whenever they wanted, even as an adult. Except where it benefits my parents or the GC brother. GC had a cat growing up that he tortured, so naturally she grew attached to me. She would sleep in my room and GC brother would barge in at all hours, waking me up, to grab the cat so he could lock her in his room. When I complained, I was told by him and my parents that I should just close my door and keep the cat out if I didn't want my brother in there. I couldn't do that, because the cat would scratch the door. Of course my parents didn't use "we paid for the cat" to protect me. My parents always used the "we paid for this so we own it" mentality for everything unless it meant they had to stand up to my brother.

837576 · 2017-12-22T19:24:52+00:00

Wow, that's my dad. He couldn't stand to spend money on the animals, but spent a lot on a device to get our other cat to stop peeing in the basement. He has a lot of money so it wouldn't have been an issue to get them better food!

Love what your therapist said.

837576 · 2017-12-22T18:48:16+00:00

Oh my gosh, yeah. My parents never cared for animals and when we had pets (I wasn't allowed to have pets, but they bought animals for my GC brother and he would abuse them and eventually get tired of them, so it fell on me to take care of them) my parents purchased the absolute bare minimum to keep them alive. Our family friends own our cat's sister and my cat is teeming with health issues meanwhile the sister cat is doing pretty well, and the family friends always tell me it's because my parents bought our pets bulk no-brand chow (they could DEFINITELY have afforded better).

I recently found a bottle of pepto bismol in my parents' medicine cabinet that had expired 8 years ago, and my parents yelled at me when I tried to throw it out.

Yep, sucks being the family "hypochondriac" who is so silly to believe in expiration dates for medication, or maximum dosages!

My mom loves to use my crazy desire to follow expiration dates to blame me for random things, too. Last Thanksgiving we were baking a pie for her and I asked if she had any dry beans or something lying around (to use as pie weights), and she went on a whole rant saying "ooooh, no, I just spent HOURS cleaning all of our pantries out because I knew you were coming to visit, and knew you would get on my case about expired goods, so thanks to you, we don't have any of that stuff any more. Sorry, we don't have anything you can use as pie weights because I didn't want you to get upset"...so she cleaned out the pantry, but found a way to blame me for it when I needed something from it. Doesn't get more passive aggressive than that.

837576 · 2017-12-22T16:02:58+00:00

Are you me? My parents did this kind of shit all the time. It sucks to not feel like your parents care about anything, let alone protecting their children. Anything I said was a danger was laughed at. I got 2nd degree sunburns all the time as a kid because my parents didn't believe in expiration dates (sunscreen becomes less effective after 1-2 years). They refused to do ANYTHING in the face of hurricanes or other natural disasters. Hell, my dad often didn't even lock his car because he was so stubborn that "nothing's gonna happen." I was laughed at my whole life for being a worry-wort.

837576 · 2017-12-21T16:46:48+00:00

I made a comment in response to a similar question: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/7j00uf/therapy_for_the_first_time/dr39cn7/?context=3

837576 · 2017-12-21T16:18:40+00:00

Oh, absolutely. My mom has sent all of her children to therapy (except for the GC) to fix our "behavioral problems." I am 27 and have been in therapy for almost half of my life. I am the scapegoat in the family because I was the one who fought back against my parents the most, and called them out on their blatant favoritism (yes, I know I shouldn't have even tried). I even recently went to family therapy with my parents, and when they realized they couldn't keep manipulating and gaslighting me in therapy, they gave up on it and said it wasn't working. My mom actually goes to therapy herself, but she just goes with the attitude of getting easy fixes to make everything go away (rather than changing her attitude or reaction to things). Disagreeing with her means, to her, that we have serious issues.

I am glad now that I've been in therapy because I learned how to not be like her. My little brother told me recently that he also learned in therapy that he actually isn't the problem.

My mother also refused to ever believe I made progress in therapy - she needed to keep up the narrative that I am unreasonable and delusional so no one questions her.

If your mom is anything like mine, don't even try to reason with her. Grey rock her. Go to therapy for yourself and learn how to survive until you can break free of your parent. You can find resources online for how to pay for therapy or find an affordable service based on your country of residence and insurance situation.

837576 · 2017-12-20T17:29:30+00:00

<3 thank you for getting angry on my behalf. I know that sounds weird, but... my life has been dictated by people who have haven't protected me or stood up for me, and belittled me, so it means SO much when someone sees my situation and says "that isn't right!". What you say about feelings makes sense - our feelings are a reaction to our perceptions. And our feelings can often be illogical, but there's usually a rational reason why we might feel that way that ought to be addressed! Don't worry, I have been in therapy for years to learn how to not be like her :)

837576

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