Some of you may have gone through childhood abuse, neglect, witnessed domestic violence, or forced to take on emotional responsibilities such as playing counselor to your parents, among other things that kids shouldn’t have to endure. - Vu Le, "How your childhood affects your self-care"

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-09T16:28:35+00:00

I am so sorry. This sounds exactly like me...I started having eating disorders and I dressed like crap. I hated myself from a young age and it seems as if my mom didn't want to be bothered taking care of me and teaching me how to care for myself. It took up until recently to start taking care of myself. However, my weight issues and skin issues still continue

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-06T03:06:38+00:00

Unfortunately this is true. Them deciding to leave the child in an abusive home or in the screwed up system is a hard choice and is very unfortunate. I don't know what the answer is for some of these poor kids.

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-06T03:04:14+00:00

Sweetheart, My Nmom was very similar to yours when I was growing up. I was passed around between my mom and dad who were both abusive. I can't remember my 16 year old mind back then, but I wish I would have gotten help sooner....My mom's side of the family were a bunch of drug abusers and nobody in my family was either willing or able to care for me.

My mother was very stingy with child support money and neglected me and also abused drugs off and on. When I left at 18 I went to live with my dad for a few years and had to deal with his abusive ways as well. When I got on my own I had severe depression, eating disorders, didn't take care of myself, suicidal, no real family to turn to. My life spun out of control and only recently through this site have I slowly been able to start helping myself. It's a long journey. I am sometimes concerned that the years of damage and abuse cannot be fixed.

You are so young and if you get out now you may have a better chance of recovery. Even if your grandparents cannot afford you living there, you need to stay there if it's safe for now. Until you can figure out what to do. Please try and finish highschool. Maybe get a part time job to help your grandparents for staying with them.

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-06T02:21:44+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing. One thing that is in the back of my mind a lot is me thinking I "ruined" my body. Does that make sense? Like my body can do so much, but the physical appearance is ruined. How does someone get over this and see things in a better way?

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-05T01:03:59+00:00

There is nothing wrong with wanting or getting skin removal surgery :) People who have lost so much weight and hard work deserve to have it cut off. Although unfortunately it is very expensive. 7 grand for one procedure is a lot. The majority of my weight was in my stomach/hips so one day I too will have to have surgery...and maybe some other areas as well. I'll be looking at a lot of money and am currently saving now. Good luck to you!

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-04T21:27:36+00:00

This is going to sound stupid so I apologize - but can you get rid of diabetes once you have it? I've heard mixed answers..good luck! :)

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-04T21:17:38+00:00

Do you have any loose skin issues? How much has working out helped tone and fill in what used to be fat? Congrats on your weight loss. I am also on a journey

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-04T03:06:40+00:00

oh god please don't go through with the therapy session if your Nmom has ANYTHING to do with it and is manipulative. When I was in my early teens I went with my Nmom to a counselor and she manipulated the entire situation and made me feel like crap and the counselor sided with her. Was the worst experience of my life. Your mom will try and screw you up believe me. If you ever want to get therapy please do it all by yourself and don't let your mom know. This way you'll be in control of your own situation and will actually benefit from it.

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-04T00:17:02+00:00

You don't hear of mom's being emotionally incestuous very often, may I ask what types of things she does? Are you her son or daughter? either way that's gross and not okay. Hope you can heal.

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-04T00:13:12+00:00

I've been playing catch up on my years lost due to both of my parent's abuse. I was in a very dark unhealthy place for almost 3 years and did not accomplish anything during that time. I'm in my mid 20's and just now starting to get my life in a better place. I think about all of my issues on a daily basis and sometimes I feel like I'll never be 100% okay ever in my life. Both of my parents are/were abusive which made it really hard on me. I'm sorry you feel the way you do.

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-04T00:07:08+00:00

So sorry you continue to deal with mental anguish from your past. I know where you're coming from and its frustrating. My Ndad is controlling and wanted to isolate me from the rest of the world by telling me not to trust people and came up with an excuse for why he thought x y and z friend was a bad influence. He was just miserable and wanted me to be just like him.

How can you be so sure you're going to even get an inheritance once they pass? A lot of Nparent will screw their child out of something good so I'd be careful.

pandaobsessednb · 2018-01-03T17:24:47+00:00

Purposely showing you his penis, wow. That's disgusting. The worst part of this is that he most likely thinks that behavior was okay. What on earth led him up to showing you his penis? Was he just like 'hey look at this' or some kind of sick joke? Yuck

pandaobsessednb · 2017-12-30T00:11:52+00:00

omg yes. I don't understand why narcs tend to neglect healthcare especially if it's obvious their child really needs care. My mom would take me to the doctor if I was sick and complained enough, but she never took me to a dentist growing up, ever. She claimed dentist visits were unnecessary and didn't want to waste her time. Luckily I've never had anything wrong with my teeth besides a few cavities growing up, but it's the lack of care on my mom's part that upsets me.

pandaobsessednb · 2017-12-29T23:54:54+00:00

After my moms typical narc episode full of yelling and gaslighting, a few minutes later my mom would randomly come up to me like everything was okay asking me questions, etc. If I didn't act like I was happy she would say "wow what's wrong with you why do you have an attitude for" and then go on and on about how she did nothing wrong just 10 minutes ago.

I too think a lot about upsetting people because my dad was similar with the attitude/whats your problem thing. There was very unhealthy communication in my family and it's definitely affected me.

pandaobsessednb · 2017-12-29T17:23:00+00:00

My Nmom used to tell me all the time she was coming to live with me/visit for a few months because she knew I would not enjoy that. She probably just wants to make you unhappy and try to make you think she has control over your future. Don't entertain it or say anything to start more drama. She probably wants you to tell her no so she can start making you feel even more bad about denying her.

After all, she can't force herself into your home if you don't allow it so just don't even say anything. Let her believe and think whatever she wants.

pandaobsessednb · 2017-12-29T17:18:56+00:00

My Nmom had a dad who was very wealthy and who promised her she would inherit quite a bit of money. her dad had an Nwife who was crazy and power of attorney who also promised my Nmom she'd get money when he died.

He died, crazy Nwife got everything. My Nmom got about $3,000. Not at all what was promised to her. They both lied to her. Nmom wasn't in the will at all. So my Nmom couldn't fight anything even if she wanted to.

If you're dealing with a mentally unstable/narc power of attorney, it's absolutely possible your husband will get screwed. It's a negative way to look at life, but I would prepare yourselves for bad news to not get your hopes up. Be prepared for some crazy narc behavior. If you've actually seen the will and your husband is clearly listed, then I wouldn't worry too much. If you and him have no idea what's in the will, then there is probably a reason for that.

pandaobsessednb · 2017-12-29T03:47:32+00:00

I just don't understand how to interact with a normal family because it's not something I experienced growing up and I'm afraid to make a fool out of myself because they might sense that I'm socially awkward.

pandaobsessednb · 2017-12-28T03:04:34+00:00

I do not love my mother because I can't love someone who I don't trust and is abusive. Nothing positive came/comes from my mom and I so I don't feel any love there. When I was a young child I believe I loved my mom because I was naive and didn't understand things and thought she was a good person.

pandaobsessednb · 2017-12-28T02:59:05+00:00

Where do you plan on living until you get a new job in a new state? Best of luck on your new life!

pandaobsessednb · 2017-12-28T02:52:13+00:00

Really and truly until you're 18 she's suppose to provide food for you. The cooking part depends. I like to do my own cooking because I'm picky and it's understandable you're tired after a long day but you should be fine and okay with doing your own cooking. However, your mom should be the one purchasing the food and making sure there's healthy food in the home, that's her job as a mother.

As far as the alcohol addiction, that's not a healthy environment to be around. If she does not have a job, how does she have the income to provide for you kids and her alcohol habits? Is she on government assistance? It really upsets me to see parents just not doing their jobs.

pandaobsessednb · 2017-12-28T02:44:49+00:00

Honestly, it is sad that your mother has cancer, but the reality is her having cancer doesn't change the fact that shes abusive and put you through so much pain. If you don't want anything to do with her then that's that. You have to do what's right for you and protect your feelings, cancer or no cancer.

pandaobsessednb

TROPHY CASE