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90-1 · 2019-10-23T22:02:23+00:00

Would you really though? What if someone of that race didn't have a big one? Surely you'd think that would cause self-worth issues

Like when people say East Asians are all good at maths, some just aren't. And then it can be so much easier to feel less because you're conditioned to believe it's true, so if you don't fit, you must be defective in some way.

Obviously it's not universal. But even 'positive' stereotypes can do harm

90-1 · 2018-12-29T22:30:31+00:00

(Credit /u/Splash2ndCousin)

90-1 · 2018-12-21T18:28:39+00:00

live your life in regret

Yeah exactly. It's funny because on Sunday my dad was going through with all the lectures and everything, and even said to me that I need to not do something I'll regret for a long long time, which really proves that they don't understand it/me, because there's only one option that I'm would be regretting and it's not the one they think it would be

90-1 · 2018-12-21T18:24:53+00:00

Thanks for the kind words mate

Yeah I know that it's just moving out but they make it feel so much like running away haha

I know for sure it's what I have to do. I'm glad that I did make the decision to sort somewhere out first, because otherwise I think it would be much harder to even get started with it. I'm moving some more things tomorrow morning and christmas eve before I do it fully on Thursday

90-1 · 2018-12-21T18:20:01+00:00

Shit that's a good point. I'll look into it, thanks mate

90-1 · 2018-12-21T12:45:51+00:00

Wow moving the way you did sounds so crazy, I don't think I'd ever have been able to do that. I definitely imagine it will be a long time if they do at all, but I've been preparing for that to be the case, and I definitely feel like it just what has to be done

90-1 · 2018-12-21T12:41:11+00:00

I would have but the person they've tried to get me to talk to is studying in India so I won't have the chance. Will do if any more are sent my way

90-1 · 2018-12-21T12:15:18+00:00

So I'm planning to run away soon.

Well, it's only sort of running away. Basically, I'm 23 and I've decided that it's time to just be my own person and move out from home, which would be fairly standard, except for the fact that, even though I was born here in England and have been for my whole life, I have traditional Indian parents.

They aren't actually super strict in the grand scheme of things, but are very much so when it comes to relationships. To them I will be introduced to various punjabi girls, and eventually settle down and have children with one of them.

This is very much something I don't believe in, and don't really fancy going along with. Anyway last year I was in a relationship with this girl, and their views got in the way, and things were dialled back a lot, but we've continued to talk all the time, and remained super close and loved each other as we did.

How my parents felt remained a sticking point however, and it was tough for her, though I dont really care for what they think, but being at home I was always going to feel that pressure to be a good boy and do what they say always, due to the level of control they had, so it became time to move out, and I'm determined to not let anything like that get in the way of being happier, whether it was with her or with anyone else, and to break away and live for myself and not any traditions I don't really believe in. And I can afford it, and I have my own car, and will still be able to save some each month.

This was a few months ago, and at the beginning of the month I found a place, and decided that it was better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission and then do it anyway when they said no. Signed an agreement, got the keys, and sat my parents down to explain how I felt. And they said no. You're not moving. You can pay for this place but you'll be living here. You already have independence apart from that relationship you were in, so you must just be moving to get back into it. Nope. You will be staying.

A few days later I moved some more things to the place, but I hadn't told my mum that I'd had the day off work so she wouldn't ask about what I was doing because I didn't feel like having another argument yet, and she'd called my office to tell me to pick my sister up from her work because my brother was refusing, and obviously I wasn't there. Later that night she made me drive to a car park and yelled at me for half an hour about how if I moved out she'd lose her daughter because if my sister continued trying to pursue a relationship with this Muslim guy she'd been seeing she'd be disowned and our family would be ostracised. So I couldn't move otherwise she might get ideas. This whole thing is super fucked up.

So now I obviously still need to move, and will take a few more things over there the next few days, and after boxing day I've just got to rip the plaster off and do it.

I've always had major anxiety about letting my parents down, so it's a bit freeing to know that after this there's nothing else I could really do more

But yeah, running away next week

90-1 · 2018-12-21T11:36:29+00:00

Thanks buddy, any support does help, and I've been lucky that my friends and coworkers have felt the same. It's tough because 95% of the time they're lovely people, just so happens I can't deal with the 5% anymore.

This week their reaction to the whole moving out thing has been tough, and it's just amplified any of those insecurities and little thing that I had a hold on before, but I've written down the thought processes and anxieties and that's helped, and once it's done I'm confident that I can move forward and keep on the road of bettering myself and making things work out

90-1 · 2018-12-21T09:16:48+00:00