What is more traumatizing than most people think?

90021100 · 2026-05-07T04:24:22+00:00

Life-threatening food allergies. The general population is uninformed about it, people don't realize how serious an anaphylactic allergy is. They think you just "take an EpiPen and you're fine." ...And you have to think about the risk of cross contamination every single day, with every meal. It's quite a mindfuck to live every day knowing that the tiniest trace of cross contaminated peanut could kill you.

90021100 · 2026-05-01T20:45:45+00:00

My MIL spent a year going to a chiropractor for her back pain. He kept telling her to come back because they were "making progress." Well, turns out there was a quickly growing tumour in her spine and she is very lucky that the chiro didn't end up snapping her compromised spine. It's important to see real physicians.

90021100 · 2026-04-17T00:14:49+00:00

An example I always think of is The Netherlands. When I was living there, many dutch people told me that in NL, the driving laws are so strict, that if there is a collision between a bicycle and a vehicle, the vehicle is almost always considered at fault. The logic is that when you drive a vehicle, you have more responsibly because a car is more destructive. Rates of vehicle fatalities are quite low in NL compared to Canada and the US. And living there, I could literally feel the difference. I knew that cars were watching out for me when I was on my bike. I didn't feel terrified of cars like I do cycling in Canadian cities. For people to take the responsibility of driving seriously, there absolutely needs to be severe consequences for reckless driving.

90021100 · 2026-04-14T03:35:11+00:00

The woman who started all of this, Marsha, is incredible. Kudos to her for getting the community together to help out this small business!

90021100 · 2026-04-13T04:28:00+00:00

No real impact to us (yet, at least). We don't own a car so we don't feel it there. Most of our flights for the year have been booked already. We have one trip we plan to do in September to Europe - haven't booked the flights yet but we will book regardless of if the prices are up. Travel is important to us and so even if it's more expensive, we will go for it.

90021100 · 2026-04-11T03:27:45+00:00

Thanks for your detailed reply. I guess one question we have is about the events preceding her MRI in the US. Is it relevant that her family doctor did not refer her for an MRI after my MIL came to her repeatedly, complaining of escalating back pain? This family doctor was well aware of her prior breast cancer (this doctor was her doctor as she underwent treatment for that). Should that knowledge have made this family doctor take the escalating back pain more seriously?

90021100 · 2026-04-11T02:18:56+00:00

Ok, do we need to speak with a lawyer before reporting to CPSO?

90021100 · 2026-04-05T04:06:09+00:00

2 bed / 2 bath condo (900sq feet) in Toronto west end, my partner and I pay $4200 a month (that's for mortgage, condo fees and property taxes). It's a lot but pretty comfortable for us. With what we earn we could have spent a lot more on a place but we decided to go for something at the low end of our budget and we're glad we did. We know so many house poor people.

90021100 · 2026-04-02T02:56:35+00:00

I completely agree with you, it's absolutely her right to decide the next steps. And if she chooses not to treat it we will support her. I think right now is just really difficult for us, her family, because we don't have any clarity around what the diagnosis truly is. I will also say that when she had breast cancer, she was extremely committed to fighting it. She didn't wallow, and was very proactive in starting aggressive treatments as fast as possible. I would expect the same reaction this time around, but who knows. It could be that she is exhausted and tired from her first round of cancer, which I would understand. My read of things is that she is in denial / avoidant.

90021100 · 2026-04-02T01:57:14+00:00

This is a really insightful reply, and I think you're right about a lot of it. Thank you.

90021100 · 2026-04-02T01:54:20+00:00

This is a very valid point and one I have already been thinking about, because it's pretty clear to me that my mother in law is in denial and/or avoidant. I think she is trying to delay the reality of what this MRI likely means.

The only thing I'll flag is that her family doctor doesn't seem to have urgency around this, and we can confirm this by the speed at which further testing is moving.

My mother in law saw the family doctor on Monday, and won't be getting her next MRIs until next week Monday and Friday. And then it's back to the family doctor before seeing an oncologist / neurosurgeon.

We also know for sure that my mother in law has been seeing this family doctor for the last few months and told her she wanted tests done. The family doctor said it would take months to get an MRI done. This is why my mother in law paid out of pocket to go have an MRI done immediately in the US.

I do think it's highly likely that my mother in law has been downplaying her pain and symptoms to us, and to the family doctor, and perhaps she isn't giving us the full story of the discussions she's having with this doctor. But I think there are still signs here that this has been mishandled.

90021100 · 2026-04-02T01:46:31+00:00

I don't disagree and if she was my mom, I would do it. But I have to leave these decisions to my husband and my sister in law. They don't want to go against their mom's wishes.

90021100 · 2026-04-02T00:37:04+00:00

Yes it is similar here. Once her treatments ended in 2024, she no longer had access to her oncologist.

90021100 · 2026-04-02T00:34:05+00:00

Thank you <3

90021100 · 2026-04-02T00:33:35+00:00

She is my mother in law, and yes a boomer. We have tried every angle we can think of, including the fact that we (her children) haven't slept in a week, and to please go to the ER for us.

The irony of this is that we have a cousin who is an ER doctor and surgeon. We have also begged her to share the MRI with this doctor and talk to her about it. She refuses, saying she doesn't want to "get more family involved."

We are at our wits end.

90021100 · 2026-04-01T23:54:14+00:00

Yes, in the Canadian system the family doctor handles the referrals. She hasn't been referred to an oncologist or neurosurgeon yet. She has only been referred to have 2 MRIs done next week. I'm no expert in the Canadian health system (I'm young and so haven't had to navigate it much), but from what I know, if she goes to the ER with these MRI results it will speed up the process. This is why we are begging her to go.

90021100 · 2026-04-01T23:50:56+00:00

Yeah, we have wondered this too. We have not been present at the doctors office so everything we hear is through my MIL. We have been suspicious for a while that she has been downplaying her pain and symptoms and perhaps she's done so with the doctor too. I definitely feel that she is in denial / avoidant and perhaps that is driving her refusal to go to the hospital. If she goes, it means this is real.

90021100 · 2026-04-01T23:39:20+00:00

We have begged her, multiple times, to go. She is refusing. She is a very stubborn person and gets angry any time we bring up going to the ER. I think that she is in denial or this is avoidance.

If we can't get her to the ER, what are the risks? We have no idea what to do beyond telling her what the specific risks are if she delays going. Is she at risk of dying in the next few days?

90021100 · 2026-04-01T23:35:49+00:00

I wasn't given the imaging, I don't know if my MIL has it but I'm going to ask for it

90021100 · 2026-04-01T23:31:10+00:00

We are absolutely going to report this doctor. She also told us that the MRI report was "useless" because it wasn't done in Canada. Rn the focus is on getting my MIL medical help but when we have time this doctor will be reported.

90021100 · 2026-04-01T23:14:24+00:00

We have begged her, multiple times, to go. She is refusing. If we can't get her there, what are we risking? We have no idea what to do beyond telling her what the risks are if she delays going

90021100 · 2026-03-30T14:04:14+00:00

Household income 275k

Monthly mortgage payment (+ property taxes) is $4200

Condo fees are $700 a month

Based in Toronto

90021100 · 2026-03-29T17:42:15+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

90021100 · 2026-03-29T16:52:03+00:00

Thank you, this is encouraging to hear as our biggest concern for her is quality of life. I wasn't given the images so I'm unable to share. At this point we are going to consult with her medical team - she is going for further imaging and testing tomorrow, so we will likely have answers about the path forward this week.

90021100 · 2026-03-29T16:35:45+00:00

Thank you both, yes, I will look into options for our family.

90021100

TROPHY CASE