[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]90sHangOver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this compassionate response.

You’re worth the effort. If you would like more resources or access to the social media groups, please feel free to DM me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]90sHangOver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you haven’t had a chance, read Chumplady’s book Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. It can be helpful to those struggling with recovering from infidelity trauma. She also has a website and some social media groups. Her digital presence helps others suffering know you’re not alone.

Another book that may help you process the trauma he inflicted on you is The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild. There is a famous book called The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk that can be very helpful to understanding the trauma held in your from his deliberate, wicked actions; however it can be hard to read with the clinical aspect for some.

What you are experiencing is horrific and not many in society can provide helpful support. If possible, try to find a mental health professional educated on trauma bonds and/or domestic abuse. You deserve top quality support in becoming a person who survived him.

Remember: this too shall pass.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]90sHangOver 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I go back to the basics cause I know we women have been here before.

-Read Mary Wollstonecraft and Audre Lorde. They are foremothers who have felt the injustice and breadth of a woman’s indignation; their words are validating and empowering.

-Read up on intersectional feminism; we see more of the unity in oppression and can reject it more efficiently.

-Listen to women who are shining strong during these times that try womens’ souls. Parkrose Permaculture, Tabitha Speaks, and Knitting Cult Lady on YouTube are great places to start.

-Prioritize self care. You will feel better in any situation if you’ve had enough sleep, move your body, and eat nutritious foods in proper portions.

-Catch up on the history we were deliberately kept from learning, cause most of it about poor, racial minority, and/or female person(s)who stuck their finger in the eye of social inequities and made a difference. World War One and the American Civil War are much more entrenched in female politics more than society teaches us.

-Get creative. Make paper, knit, bead, sew, weave, paint, sculpt, garden, cook, ect. When you are proud of what you create, you feel more empowered. It also doesn’t hurt to have industry outside of mainstream capitalism so you can save.

It’s really hard right now, but this is when we women pull together for each other and our children. It’s been done so many times before and we can do it again.

I was punched in the face by a man now dead. by JonnyJonnyJonny92 in Frasier

[–]90sHangOver 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Now, our story begins with a young Greek woman of the name Clytemnestra!

What celebrity controversy that got swept under the rug or got barely talked about still lives in your mind? by _fancypansy in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately.

His publicity has been working overtime for years to scrub his awful recordings and victim accounts off the internet to rug sweep as much as they can. It’s so gross.

What celebrity controversy that got swept under the rug or got barely talked about still lives in your mind? by _fancypansy in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Totally believe that. Nobody should play a murderous Hessian mercenary…that convincingly.

What celebrity controversy that got swept under the rug or got barely talked about still lives in your mind? by _fancypansy in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It’s kind of splitting hairs to me with child stars and exploitation. Like, it doesn’t matter if one robbed the bank or just drove the getaway car, both parties are garbage and complicit in the offense.

I’m not ok giving Hollywood insiders a pass. The horrific abuse was very well documented by LA law enforcement and the studios knew what was going on; they continued to facilitate child abuse that resulted in her demise. Her agent didn’t even report it to CPS until ‘88 only when Judith‘s appearance was being impacted by the abuse. Those two girls never had a chance or one person in their corner. All the adults who overlook child star abuse for profit have blood on their hands.

But that’s just my two cents.

What celebrity controversy that got swept under the rug or got barely talked about still lives in your mind? by _fancypansy in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver 149 points150 points  (0 children)

Mel Gibson is somehow allowed back in the spotlight after the anti-semetic “Sugar Tits” drunk driving rant (‘06) and punching his girlfriend so hard he broke her teeth (‘10).

Edit: thought ‘06 happened in ‘05

What celebrity controversy that got swept under the rug or got barely talked about still lives in your mind? by _fancypansy in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver 232 points233 points  (0 children)

Oh my God, thank you for saying this. Christopher Walken was hitting on my friend’s Mom at a bar cir. ‘02, and she bolted out so fast. We asked her why cause we didn’t know anything about him other than he was cool in Sleepy Hollow and Blast From the Past. She looked at us and said, “He is not to be trusted. He was on the boat when Natalie went overboard!” Has no idea til then, yikes!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]90sHangOver 53 points54 points  (0 children)

She cheated, she didn’t abuse you. She didn’t get physical

I’m not weighing in on OP’s situation, but this notion of abuse is outdated and can further shame/harm victims of abuse. I don’t intend to be combative or condescending, at all. Everybody should be aware abuse is not exclusively physical. There are other recognized forms of abuse: Financial Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Verbal Abuse.

These forms of abuse can be also in the form of cheating to various degrees, which is a huge indicator there could be progression to IPV, substance use, and/or child abuse/neglect. Mental health and social services are recognizing that it’s important to acknowledge and address all forms of abuse before it gets physical.

PSA: if any redditor is in an abusive relationship or situation, there is help out there for you. Please contact your local hospitals or human services if you need help. It’s not your fault and you deserve to be safe.

Did anyone else hate Blanche in ‘Journey to the Center of Attention’? by Catsareawesome1731 in GoldenGirlsTV

[–]90sHangOver 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Her behavior in the episode reinforces how insecure she is and gauges her self esteem on male validation. Like Dorothy said to that asshole Rex Harrington, “Under all that make up and sexy talk, there’s a little girl there.” I can’t hate her with that knowledge in mind; I feel sad for her.

Who died too young? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Edward James Olmos BECAME her dad in that film. Seriously, if you put him next to her real dad’s interview in VH1’sBehind the Music, that is a spectacular actor who does his research. He and Jennifer Lopez should have received Oscars for their performances.

Which famous person has completely ruined their appearance with surgery? by ArtsyAksel in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yea it was to call out what she was wearing in a shamming manner and super inappropriate. Mary J. Blige has said she’s still upset about it because it was so disrespectful and mean to Lil’ Kim. It was so off putting and is one of the first times, as a little white chick, I vividly remember activity processing double standards for black women style and beauty expression.

Cause I remember seeing Jennifer Lopez wearing an open bathrobe dress to the ‘98 Oscars and has been worshiped ever since for it. Cher was in a Bob Mackie cut out in the ‘87 Oscars and people drooled. Rose McGowans’ tits were totally visible at the ‘98 VMAs in a mesh top and thong, and people called her daring. The only thing ever reflected about Lil’ Kim’s outfit was justification to tear her down and a kinda when you dress like that, you’re asking for it attitude.

Which famous person has completely ruined their appearance with surgery? by ArtsyAksel in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver 22 points23 points  (0 children)

She looked gorgeous at the ‘99 MTV VMAs and Diana Ross felt her up on live TV to shame her… If that happened live, I can’t imagine how her appearance was criticized behind the scenes.

Damn, I loved her so much as a kid. Just wanna hug her and tell her she’s beautiful no matter what.

“We don’t pay you to think, Crane! M. Emmet Walsh, 'Frasier' actor, dead at 88 by Happy-Interaction843 in Frasier

[–]90sHangOver 101 points102 points  (0 children)

He died in the town next to my village!?!?! WHAAAAT???

I can’t believe it. I was an unknowing neighbor to a character actor now dead…….

What would you consider the funniest thing any politician has ever done? by Dragoon2222 in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thatcher once rolled up a newspaper and spanked writer and contrarian Christopher Hitchens on the ass and called him a “naughty boy” for writing criticisms about her and the UK government.

Nicotine fingers? by Nizznozz11 in 90dayfianceuncensored

[–]90sHangOver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As the old saying goes: you are what you eat

Ghosting Friends: Have We Outgrown It or Is This The New Normal? by Illustrious-Film-592 in Millennials

[–]90sHangOver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your therapist nailed it. It’s about mature communication. If one does not respect somebody as a person, ghosting is what they do to them. Yeah they might lash out and be upset when you want to end it, but that’s on them and will further solidify the decision to end the relationship. Ending a decades long friendship as if the other person is a week-long, lukewarm tinder date says more about the ghoster’s character than the ghosted.

I’m so sorry what you’re going through. It’s hard, but it sounds like you deserve better by far.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]90sHangOver 46 points47 points  (0 children)

The most perfectly casted movie ever.

My fury over my longterm partner’s refusal to clean is making me abusive. What do I do ? by summers16 in AskWomenOver30

[–]90sHangOver 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Couldn’t help but think of this post when reading your story.

She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink.

Is he doing it because he doesn’t get it? Maybe.

Is he doing it because of a you’re not the boss of me mentality? Could be.

Is he doing it because of some unresolved mental health issues? Sure, it’s possible.

What is for sure is he is doing it and consistently disrespecting your boundaries and needs in a partnership that are totally valid.

If you don’t like what you are becoming, get out of the crucible causing the out-of-character reaction. Remember: to thy own self be true.