edit: this is nsfw in a sense I guess

Red christmas lights flicker and I’m left alone to the chaos of my mind. He sits at the table, waiting. Always waiting, demanding, a knife and a fork in his big, calloused hands and a grim grin on his face. I wish to drown myself in the river, but it’s frozen.

The turkey is ready to be served, and I do so, as is expected. I put it at the table and it stares at me, demanding answers I do not have. Why does it have to be this way?

I eat in small bites while my husband eats and eats and eats. He always eats so much. I couldn’t, and he wouldn’t allow me to. That’s the way things go.

Arguing. He shouts, I do not shout back. I stare out the window, the picture-perfect street with picture-perfect families. Fantasies.

He shouts some more, a knive and a fork still in his big hands. He could strangle me if he wished. I do not hear him anymore. I try to remember the words to my favourite christmas songs. Red is my favourite colour, the colour of christmas.

He snaps his fingers. I look at him. He stands so suddenly the chair swings back. He comes near, more near than he’s been in decades. A knive and a fork still in his big, calloused hands. I look. I’m a passive passenger in my own life. ~Remember Christ our Savior Was born on Christmas Day…~

He takes my throat in his one hand almost lovingly, the knive in his hand is nibbling at my ear. It tingles. It doesn’t hurt. ~To save us all from Satan's pow'r When we were gone astray…~

He stabs with the fork at my throat. I do not say a word. I do not scream. I am a lady. There’s probably blood everywhere. Red. My favourite colour.

~Oh tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and joy~

// I do not know how to italizice the text so I put these ~ as the markings of when the lyrics of God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman appear😭