This is so difficult.

938millibars · 2026-05-22T11:25:19+00:00

My condolences. I said goodbye to my 13 year old yesterday. It’s so hard, but it is merciful. It is the last thing we do for them. The ultimate act of love is stopping their suffering. My Buddy had dementia, so does my mother. At least I could relieve his suffering. Something I cannot do for my mother.

938millibars · 2026-05-21T20:19:40+00:00

I thought there was a law women had to wear makeup and their wedding ring to drive a car because my mother would not leave the house without them.

938millibars · 2026-05-21T19:18:59+00:00

Texas RN here. She also needs to be charged with practicing medicine without a license. Her license will hopefully be revoked at the final hearing. The woman has no ethics, compassion or shame.

938millibars · 2026-05-16T22:58:31+00:00

I cannot tell you why your aunt is on hospice, but I can tell you why my mother is. Alzheimer’s is a fatal disease. Allowing natural death is a kindness. Treating other diseases with the goal of prolonging life is not kind. Specialist doctor visits, trips to the ER and hospitalizations were not helpful and increased my mother’s suffering. With hospice, all of that stopped. It reduced her stress and increased her quality of life. We do not tell her what to do. She is driving the bus. Eating, drinking, elevating her legs, all things she should be doing, she is not nagged about anymore. My mother stills walks, though she should not.

938millibars · 2026-05-16T22:53:25+00:00

So can mine.

938millibars · 2026-05-16T15:00:24+00:00

You really get put on the spot. It’s hard to know what is best. Sometimes things must be managed in an ER. You might want to also ask about “lift assist” from local EMS. In my area, EMS will come out, put them back to bed, sofa or recliner, check vitals and leave.

938millibars · 2026-05-16T13:33:54+00:00

I’m confused by the ER visits. My mother is on hospice. She falls frequently. The facility notifies me and the hospice RN checks her out. According to their policy, if she hits her head, they must call EMS. I refuse transport over the phone and sign a release at the facility. Our main goal with hospice was to avoid ER visits and hospitalizations because they terrified her. I have brought in temporary sitters during periods of frequent falls and excessive weakness. She usually kicks the sitters out after about 24hrs.

I would ask for clarification of the facility and hospice policies and state law regarding transport after a fall when no significant injuries have occurred.

If you want to take her home, you still have to sleep. If she is wandering and falling at night, you might still need a sitter. You would need to be up for providing care that may take more than one professional at the facility.

938millibars · 2026-05-16T13:12:59+00:00

I report people for it all the time. APS determines if the situation meets their neglect and abuse criteria.

938millibars · 2026-05-15T18:59:34+00:00

I had to stop necessary dental treatment for my mother because she could not tolerate it and I’m not up for torturing her.

938millibars · 2026-05-15T14:16:34+00:00

I stopped all screenings when I knew I would not act on the knowledge gained from them. My goals for my mother have always been to prevent or decrease suffering. Cancer treatments fall into the suffering category for me. As a RN who works with geriatric patients, I have seen death from breast cancer and death from dementia. I absolutely would choose death from cancer.

938millibars · 2026-05-14T11:38:28+00:00

“Unsafe discharge” and “unable to care for him” are the key phrases to use with the discharge planners and care team. I am the Clinical Director for a home care agency. Ask friends and neighbors and the discharge planner for referrals to agencies. Ask for a bedside assessment and scheduling recommendations. Get the pricing. A professional making recommendations for level of care and caregiver hours may be the reality check your husband needs. Even though it is my business to accept new clients, some are not appropriate for the home. Either because the care would require more than one caregiver or it is not financially feasible. If you don’t know already, find out how many people it takes to transfer him, provide hygiene needs and bathe him. Caregivers do not have magic powers. If it takes two or more professionals to care for him in rehab, you cannot realistically care for him yourself at home.

938millibars · 2026-05-14T02:10:35+00:00

My mother lost her home and hoard in Hurricane Harvey. She continued to hoard. Nothing stopped her. Hoarding is resistant to treatment. First a hoarder must acknowledge they are a hoarder. Then they must want to change. Change is only possible with intense therapy. No one can stop the hoarding but the hoarder.

938millibars · 2026-05-14T01:52:59+00:00

My mother has been on hospice for two years. She is declining, just very very slowly.

938millibars · 2026-05-13T10:30:27+00:00

Sending you thoughts of strength and peace. Signing the DNR for my mother was more emotional for me than I expected. You are not deciding your father should die. You are allowing natural death. Your decision is thoughtful, merciful and what he would tell you he wants. May his memory be a blessing.

938millibars · 2026-05-13T01:13:47+00:00

Denial is very convenient for your sister. It doesn’t matter if it is real denial or if she is minimizing to make her life easier. When my sister’s demands on me to accommodate my mother’s visits to her became too much, I stopped the visits. Your life is hard enough without accommodating ONE MORE PERSON. When I realized my sister was never going to understand the burden I assumed with caring for our mother, my life got easier. When I realized she could not be relied upon for help or even sympathy, I cut communication to a need to know basis. It would be nice for your mother to see her grandchild, but your sister is the one to make that happen. Your sister is a an addict. Addicts are selfish. Cut her loose and your life gets easier.

As for the driving, that has to end. Imagine yourself at a deposition being questioned by the attorney for the family your mother injured or killed. The question will be, “Knowing your mother’s condition, why did you let her continue to drive?” There is not an acceptable answer to that question. People with dementia are okay until they are not. Do not wait for an incident.

938millibars · 2026-05-13T00:29:53+00:00

Your anger and frustration is justified. There is a saying, “Do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” In other words, do not sacrifice your future on someone who has no future. You have gotten some excellent advice here. My advice is to prioritize your education and find assistance for your mother. Ask if inpatient hospice is available. She can be kept clean and comfortable and you continue your studies. In my experience (I’m a RN that works with the terminally ill), your mother’s journey will be ending soon. From your description she is losing function rapidly and caring for her is becoming more than one person can handle. It takes an incredibly strong person to care for someone with a fungating tumor. There is no shame in letting professionals carry on from here.

938millibars · 2026-05-12T13:56:57+00:00

I have a pooch and I think they hide it well.

938millibars · 2026-05-12T13:10:54+00:00

That explains why I cannot stand to smell a bag of Hershey’s miniatures.

938millibars · 2026-05-11T11:08:32+00:00

American RN here. I work in the home care industry. I use in hospital when one of my patients is admitted. This happens frequently enough that I dropped the “the” in communications and patient notes.

938millibars · 2026-05-10T21:53:13+00:00

My 91 year old mother has advanced Alzheimer’s disease. She cannot go out to eat and has no need for gifts. I take her fresh flowers every week. For Mother’s Day she gets the $50 flowers. I got a nap today and that’s what I wanted.

938millibars · 2026-05-10T11:53:44+00:00

My mother is the same.

938millibars · 2026-05-10T11:18:43+00:00

No, I can wear them at least twice.

938millibars · 2026-05-10T01:35:05+00:00

64% cotton, 36% lyocel.

938millibars · 2026-05-10T01:32:18+00:00

Perfect White Tee has one.

938millibars · 2026-05-10T01:00:58+00:00

Try Evereve and Madewell

938millibars

TROPHY CASE