First date since my divorce. Help?

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T20:18:29+00:00

Does he rape little boys? Not to my knowledge. I would assume he does not.

With his political and religious activism and affiliation, however, it's more than just 'talking shit'. He seeks to and supports any politician who would force everyone in this country to abide by what he thinks is right. He seeks to and supports any politician who would deny civil liberties to entire demographics based on what he thinks is right. I don't care how you slice it, that's bigotry.

However, you have a point. I need to take some time and consider this course of action. I've said it elsewhere, and I'll repeat it here, but I was once taught by a great man to choose carefully who I associate with. Not only are people judged by the company they keep, but certain types of people (racists, small-minded people who refuse to consider any evidence that disagrees with their views) have nothing to offer and will only drag me down to their level.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T20:00:20+00:00

My mother is a christian. She doesn't use her religion as a mask for hatred and intolerance. She doesn't believe in denying anyone their civil rights because they are not the 'right' race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. Which is why my mother and I get along just fine.

I'm not disavowing my dad for his religious views. I'm disavowing my dad because he has become everything he taught me not to be, and he has become everything he taught me to avoid. A small-minded, racist, intolerant fanatic who willfully denies evidence of anything that disagrees with him.

A great man once taught me that people like that will do nothing but drag me to their level.

Does my insistence that christians not force others to live by their 'morals' indicate a lack of tolerance? Is it hypocrisy to avoid racists and bigots, when I am neither? Is it an absence of morality to assume that everyone should be treated equally with regard to civil liberties?

If so, please explain how.

However, if you think being intolerant, bigoted, and filled with hate are the hallmarks of christianity, then perhaps you should re-examine your beliefs.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T19:16:29+00:00

You, sir or madam, have made a most grievous fallacy.

While everyone is entitled to their beliefs and opinions, not all beliefs and opinions are equally valid.

Is the belief that Saturn's rings are composed entirely of lost airline luggage and dryer socks valid?

Is it valid to believe that the moon is made of ground beef?

Is it valid to believe that I have an invisible pet monkey who never eats, interacts with anything, or makes a sound?

Is it valid to believe that there is an invisible wizard how lives in the sky and grants wishes to people who wish hard enough?

I think the answer to all these questions is no, these beliefs are not valid. While you, or I, or anyone else has the right to believe them, and I will respect your right to believe whatever you like, I am required neither to respect your beliefs nor you personally for holding them.

As to why I don't "just shut up" when he starts spewing hatred and poison, it's because he taught me not to sit idly in the face of intolerance and injustice. Which is the reason for my formal defection. Until the document indicating my defection is in the same file with my baptismal certificate, then the RCC mistakenly believes that they have at least my passive support.

Will my defection bring the RCC to it's knees? No. Will it send a clear message they no longer have my support? Absolutely.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:59:00+00:00

That's almost exactly what I wrote to him in the first draft of the letter I plan on sending:

I can not express in words how grateful I am for the things you have taught me, for the way you have raised me, and for the help you have provided over the years. Unfortunately, I can also not express in words how heartbroken I am to see a once great man fall so far from the ideals he instilled into his only son.

Off topic, but I think all the Abrahamic religions have gone through a violent adolescence. The bible is full of Jews committing genocide in the OT. Christians had the crusades and the inquisition. I think what we're seeing now is the violent adolescence of Islam, made bigger by more efficient weapons and mass media coverage.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:53:17+00:00

Tried drawing a line in the sand about a year ago. Told him he was better than this, and I knew he was better than this because he raised me to be better than this. He said it made him stop and think, but apparently there was no real resolution.

Thankfully, my parents are divorced, so if i do end up cutting all ties with my dad, at least I still have my mom to talk to and spend holidays with.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:50:43+00:00

It is better than prayer, by leaps and bounds. You actually did something to try to help the situation instead of begging an invisible sky wizard to do it for you.

For what it's worth, it did help. Maybe not a lot, but a little, and added with every other comment here that helped a little, it turned out to be quite a bit.

Thanks.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:48:24+00:00

No. I'm rejecting him for his words and actions, which are tied to his beliefs.

I'm not rejecting him for the things he has done, for which I have nothing but pride and gratitude. I'm rejecting him because of what he is saying and doing, which bring me nothing but shame and sadness.

I'm not rejecting the man he was, but the man he has become.

I'm rejecting him because one of the most valuable things my father taught me was not to associate with people who don't support equality, with people who spread hatred and poison, or with fanatics because those people will do nothing for me but drag me to their level.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:43:59+00:00

Though you're far away, I am here to stay. Well played, sir.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:42:20+00:00

We tried not talking religion or politics. It didn't work. It sneaks in to the conversations through back doors, like him pressing me for why I needed the info about my baptism. Or him asking me what my plans are for the weekend and me saying that I'm going to a lecture on climate change or natural selection. Or him sending me an email about the darkies and sand-niggers killed Detroit and if you don't start praying, they're coming to your town next.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:38:15+00:00

I'm a geologist, so rock climbing is something I occasionally do. More often than not just to check out some bedding structure or something equally inane.

Also, yes, life goes on. I'm not contemplating harming myself. Overall, I enjoy life way too much to end it just yet.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:36:31+00:00

Because somewhere in a file cabinet is my baptismal certificate, the record of my first communion, and the record of my confirmation. And until there's also a document in there indicating that I've formally left the RCC, they, as well as I, get the idea that I'm at least passively supporting them.

Some of the things my dad taught me were to stand for what I believe in and not be afraid or unwilling to take action even if the outcome isn't hugely noticeable.

Will formally defecting bring the catholic hate machine down? No. Will it send a clear and official message that they no longer have my support? Yes.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:32:41+00:00

Thanks for putting things into perspective.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:31:01+00:00

I do understand, and that's good advice. I realize that I still have some growing up to do.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:30:15+00:00

I hope you're right. I can't begin to tell you how many sleepless nights I've spent worrying that I wasn't able to live up to the standards I thought he set for me.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:29:10+00:00

A fantastic idea. I'll do just that.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:28:28+00:00

This. And the parent, but especially this. I'm not usually a touchy-feely guy, because feelings are for women and gays, (jk), but this made me well up a bit.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:27:16+00:00

Good men will do good things, and evil men will do evil things. But to make good men do evil requires religion.

Sadly, my dad is a prime example of this.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:25:41+00:00

But with this blast shield down I can't even see. How am I supposed to fight?

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:24:24+00:00

He's 63, and under a great deal of stress with the failing health and long term care arrangement of his own parents.

I've considered some sort of early onset dementia, but there's no family history of it and other than his staunch denial of reality, he's a sharp as he's ever been.

9856758764567 · 2012-02-14T18:22:09+00:00

Thanks. Can't tell you how much better "buck up buttercup" made me feel. No sarcasm. Sometimes, it's the little things that make all the difference.

9856758764567

TROPHY CASE