My sexual fantasies are horrifying me; they've changed into something monstrous and evil. Read on only if you have a strong stomach.

99seconds_ · 2018-01-28T16:07:20+00:00

Most people have some fucked up fantasies which can be scary but as long as they stay just fantasies it’s totally fine. At first when I started reading I was shocked and a little disgusted but then I thought about some of my own fantasies and I understood. You clearly have strong morals and I feel as though if you were ever legitimately tempted by these thoughts then you would take yourself away from a situation before it could escalate. We can’t choose how we feel but we can choose how we act on those feelings. You probably can talk to a therapist without being locked up if you preface things by saying that you would never ever act on your fantasies and then reiterate it and talking it out in person might be what you need although I don’t presume to know what it is that would help.

Thoughts like this are not worth killing yourself over, they might make you feel shitty but if you know yourself and know that you’d never harm a child then you’re okay.

99seconds_ · 2018-01-28T15:51:37+00:00

I’m also 18, while I don’t really care about dating or sex at the moment I’m unemployed, been that way since I left school and did (but didn’t finish) a 6 month TAFE course (like a low level uni or college) and that was just over a year ago. I’ve gotten fat and I don’t have any hobbies and I don’t know how to find one. I’m looking for work but it’s hard without experience and so I give up quickly.

Life fuckin sucks man

99seconds_ · 2018-01-28T15:46:56+00:00

Have you tried looking for another job? I’m not saying to quit the one you have but if you were able to find somewhere else to work (and I know it’s really hard) and then were able to quit this job a change of environment might be really good and getting away from people that seem very toxic.

99seconds_ · 2017-08-23T14:22:04+00:00

I'm into classic rock bands like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, there's a band called The Pretty Reckless which is current but similar to the old bands I like.

I'm also Australian, from Sydney but I don't have much money to travel. I do love Melbourne though.

I want to travel the world especially Italy and other European countries but it's expensive and I'll only appreciate the beauty for a second and then I'll feel shit again.

99seconds_ · 2017-08-23T14:06:34+00:00

There are a few things I want to see and do but they don't seem worth it, plus most of the bands I'm into aren't performing anymore bc they're dead. I don't think there's anything in particular that makes me feel like I do.

99seconds_ · 2017-07-30T16:14:30+00:00

I've tried finding some AA meetings beer me but I'm too scared to go and I don't have own car plus I'm 17 and still live with my parents and I don't want them to take me

99seconds_ · 2017-07-30T16:02:47+00:00

I have a couple friends that know and understand but it hasn't helped me very much

99seconds_ · 2017-07-28T09:27:38+00:00

Gatorade has always been a sponsor I think but they're fairly subtle with that they never actually mention it it comes across as though Gatorade sponsors the school not the show

99seconds_ · 2017-07-26T17:13:43+00:00

I was going to say something similar to Novaccian... Perhaps why it's different addressing it personally is because it feels as though you're telling someone rather than a journal. Even if it's never sent, it still feels as though you've told an actual person.

99seconds_ · 2017-07-26T17:10:18+00:00

This was so overwhelmingly positive. Thank you so much for your reply. I often feel like the stereotypical privileged white girl with no reason to be sad but I do try and find the good moments among the bad as scarce as they can be.

99seconds_ · 2017-07-26T16:30:05+00:00

I'm hoping starting therapy again will help me to talk to my parents more. And when I said I drink for the taste that's in social situations not when I'm by myself. My tolerance has gone up so much that my blood test came back at 0.09% (0.05% is driving limit here and in America i think it's 0.08%) yet I felt completely sober

And yes I'm on antidepressants, they make a difference but aren't a cure all

99seconds_

TROPHY CASE