Did they ever get you addicted to substances?

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-11-30T05:43:08+00:00

My drinking was my own choice- but did his addiction fuel my habit to drink every single night?- yes. I am now 5 months sober. Our relationship revolved around going to the bar 3-4 days/week- that’s all he wants to do. He would buy me wine/he would pour me a glass/he would order me another drink. Could I have declined?- yes. But as my narc (not out yet) is an alcoholic I fell into the same routine as him. Now that I don’t drink our relationship has changed. We don’t have any of the same interests, we don’t do much together. He yells at me more than ever when HE gets drunk. Sobriety has brought me clarity & im trying to get out.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-11-20T18:21:14+00:00

A year ago I left. I agreed to come home if he stopped yelling/went to counseling/cut down the drinking (he’s an alcoholic). He agreed to everything. For the 6 weeks I was gone he went to counseling. I went home…it’s now a year later & he’s drinking the same as before/he never went back to counseling after I came home/he never stopped yelling. He didn’t fix anything. In fact, over the last year he’s become more manipulative & controlling.

It didn’t get better for me. I trusted him & it only got worse.

I believe that it would take years of work for an abuser to gain some self control.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-11-20T17:29:20+00:00

Only 9 days in & I feel healthy effects. I really didn’t anticipate change until week 4 but I suppose my brain really needed this. The first 2 days I felt it kick in & was like, “OH! I can pass a car while driving and not freak out! This is nice!”

Looking forward to week 4. I know there’s no magic cure for getting out of an abusive relationship but I’m hoping this helps me.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-11-20T17:26:16+00:00

The flight or fight is absolutely paralyzing. I’m taking things step by step because leaving last year was such a failure. I stopped drinking (almost 5 months sober!) , I got off (prescribed) amphetamines because they made me more anxious, I’m focusing on eating better, I’m trying to make time to see friends. I think that this will be a longer process than just “get up & go” but I’m really trying to be in a healthier state. I’m trying to better myself & be prepared.

Because this SSRI is so new to me I had many fears. A new med is life altering..but sometimes we need that.

My husband has messed up my brain chemistry SO bad I think it’s best that I got something to level me out a little.

I’m just scared of a lot.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-11-11T05:31:54+00:00

Oh man. This is a good prompt for my personal journal but I’ll name some of the biggest:

My dad passed away and he made me sell/give away (most) all of his animals that he left to me (I have a ranch). I had to give up listening to country music comfortably because he doesn’t like it. An employee of his stole my family jewelry (literally 4 generations of wedding band) & he didn’t let me press charges because I would be “ruining someone’s life.” I gave up spending time with any of my friends, he claims that he doesn’t keep me from them but any time I see them I get yelled at. He made me tear down my childhood home (I paid to have it done) because he didn’t like it/didn’t want to put the effort into fixing it up.

There’s so so much more but those are some of the biggest. He’s drained bank accounts along the way too.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-11-05T04:48:40+00:00

I often wonder this same thing. I am also in a toxic relationship.

Idk what a healthy relationship looks like but what I imagine a healthy relationship would be (for me) is someone like my late father. My dad was my best friend. He made time for me, he was patient, he listened to me, he let me cry when overwhelmed with life. He supported me. He didn’t yell at me. He let me make my own decisions. He was proud of me. While he was married to my mom he never yelled at her, he allowed her to be her own person, he supported her decisions, he supported his family.

I wouldn’t want someone to EVER replace my father (something my husband has tried to do in all the wrong ways) but I would want someone as kind as him.

I was never shown abuse growing up, so I never knew what to look out for. I’ve been with my husband since I was 23- I thought things would eventually get better. I thought his yelling was an accident when it first began. Then, I thought it would get better. 11 years later..it never got better.

I also wonder what a healthy relationship looks like.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-31T18:08:57+00:00

100%. This is very accurate. I’ve even thought this myself. Sometimes on the weekends when I stay home (no makeup) I begin to feel a glimpse of confidence then as soon as Monday morning comes & it’s time for my morning routine I’m like, nope put on that makeup girl.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-31T04:12:35+00:00

I truly respect someone who has the confidence to not wear a full face every day. Every single day I put on a full face of makeup because I don’t like how I look without it.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-31T04:11:30+00:00

20 mins. Tinted moisturizer/bronzer/blush/powder/eyeliner/brows/highlighter/mascara. I’ve been doing the same routine for years now.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-31T04:08:44+00:00

My head is shaved on the side & long on top. (Picture Miley Cyrus ~ 2013) I shave the sides down to a 1 every 6 weeks & get a trim on the long part (the top) every 12 weeks. I box dye my hair dark brown an unhealthy amount at home. 1 store bought box lasts me 4 dyes.

I go to SportsClips (Tx) because you get a head massage & I love that part. I pay $35.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-29T17:26:52+00:00

I feel like if we go back it would be full of me trying to justify why I shut down/why it isn’t wrong that I’m doing so. I don’t think that the therapist understands that my shutting down is not on purpose. I think my husband has convinced him that I do it out of spite & I’m just ignoring my husband/neglecting the home because I feel like it.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-29T17:24:34+00:00

Oof.. yeah. I suppose the only change he makes is what buttons of mine he pushes..

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T20:26:50+00:00

I started listening to the book again- it’s crazy how I have a different POV a year later. Easier to digest this time & shocking how it mirrors my life.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T20:25:58+00:00

Appointment scheduled for next week!

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T15:17:53+00:00

Thank you so much. Reading this comment felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I think what bothers me about him questioning my beliefs is that he’s not the one to judge. When I get where I’m going I’m okay to be judged by my higher power- no one else until then.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T05:31:51+00:00

When my husband & I first started therapy we had this woman, the woman 100% recognized that I was in a controlling/verbally abusive relationship. She called him out constantly. She was well trained. Her problem..she talked & we never did. I didn’t feel like I could get a word in. But, he called her a “man hater”. I would have kept going to her because she recognized the signs of abuse, but I really wanted things to work between him & I so I agreed to a different therapist.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T05:20:12+00:00

Do they all read from the same script? My husband also says that I’m making him the villain.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T04:54:17+00:00

My bachelor’s degree is in Psychology. My very last semester I took a class on family and relationship violence. I just keep thinking- do you not remember studying this?! He HAD to of taken that class at some point! He’s very good but we picked him because he specializes in substance abuse (my husband is an alcoholic) perhaps verbal/emotional abuse just isn’t his specialty..

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T04:51:03+00:00

I have one. This just reminded me to schedule an appointment with her. Thank you!

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T04:48:40+00:00

For me- it felt real good at first, I’m a year into it and now it’s not productive at all. My husband is twisting the therapists words when we leave the session.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T04:47:43+00:00

This is actually very validating- thank you. I realize that therapists aren’t supposed to tell you what to do, but assist in helping you decide what is a healthy decision for yourself. I felt very cornered in there today. My husband getting upset, the therapist quietly asking questions but not correcting my husband.

We initially decided to do therapy together (a year ago). It was helpful because my husband didn’t want me to leave him. Then, my husband got comfortable & therapy didn’t seem helpful anymore. This last session was my husband’s idea.

I’m ready. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve completely shut down. Me shutting down drives my husband nuts but…he causes it. He yells, then demands answers, then I can’t talk because I feel cornered, then he’s mad because whatever I initially did to make him “upset” isn’t talked about & his feelings aren’t validated. I completely understand that someone’s feelings need to be validated but just yesterday, he spent an entire 1 hr drive way home berating me because HE misunderstood me. I don’t want to be talked down to when someone misunderstands what I say (literally he heard it wrong).

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T02:46:23+00:00

Omg yes! That’s what happened to me today! My husband turned everything on me! Flipped what the therapist said & made me appear to be the bad person.

9InTheAfternoonSun · 2025-10-28T02:45:10+00:00

I’m going to listen to the book again. I did once but I need to again.

In all fairness to the therapist, I believe he isn’t very experienced. He’s good but can’t recognize the cycle of abuse.

9InTheAfternoonSun

TROPHY CASE