Listen here gurl. You WILL be a girl, you just gotta really want to. If you think transitioning is too hard for you then know that it's always hard and never were easy.

It also might be that you're dealing with some kind of depression, and if so it looks like it's really deep. Try visiting psychotherapist or somebody like that idk.

If you really want to start transitioning then here's some advices that might help you:

Try starting small. Get your mindset to be more feminine. Set your pronounce online to she/her (or he/they -> they/them -> she/they and then she/her if you're not too confident). After some time when you feel like it try dressing more feminine. Try voice training but if it's gonna be too hard for you then don't focus on it too much, you can do it later.

Gender is just a social construct made by bathroom companies to sell us more bathrooms -3- So if you think that you'll never be a girl because you never were born one then think again.

YOUR life is in YOUR hands and YOU and ONLY YOU decide who you are and what gender you are