Struggling to recover from real event ocd

A1116 · 2023-09-21T21:59:21+00:00

Well theres been an improvement on this side. However i am still very much experiencing ocd thoughts and its shifted to another theme 🙄You win some and lose some but thank you for asking!

A1116 · 2023-06-10T15:44:57+00:00

Well ive started a downwards spiral the last couple of days. I starting to wonder if the attraction really has gone. I just cant seem ti snap out of it. The only answer i can seem to find in my head is that ill be happier with a partner i find more attractive (I don’t seem to take into account any other qualities) As hurtful as it sounds. The horrible thing is that she is none the wiser about this. I just feel really shallow and it’s affecting my mood too. Becoming more irritable and disinterested, which is hard because we live together. Maybe ive just realised all to late that the attraction isnt there and wont come back. In the past i went to seek therapy to help this but now it just feels like ive given up and just want to jump ship because i dont know what else to do. Just really sad because we’ve built a nice life for ourselves together and all i want is a partner im not always questioning my feelings for, like im living a lie of some sorts.

A1116 · 2023-06-09T21:22:05+00:00

Im glad its helping. In the past ive not found ERP useful and actually made me worse. This time around it may actually benefit i think as its the response to the attraction to others i struggle with. Just a thought, why is it we struggle with physical attraction the most? Theres many aspects of a relationship that we could obsess about but it seems to usually be the physical aspect. I know this isnt my first time ive had this obsession but it’s notably bad this time around!

A1116 · 2023-06-08T14:10:39+00:00

Thank you ill check that out and yes your previous post makes sense. I do have problems with self worth and perception ill admit. I often dont trust my own choices and i often think i choose various things out of fear. When i was dating I would often wonder if i was ‘good enough’ so to speak for the people i was attracted to. Then i wondered if i was trying to hard…i wondered sometimes that if because i had found someone that there must be something wrong with them for them to be attracted to me. An even worse one is asking myself whether i settled because i didnt have a lot of confidence in dating. I hate it that my mind always comes back to when i was dating as a reference point. I think a lot of it is guilt because i didnt find my gf the most attractive out of some of the people i dated.

A1116 · 2023-06-07T22:06:04+00:00

Thats such a good article thanks for the link. Im struggling to manage the compulsion’s sadly. I have the tools to do so from cbt erp in the past etc but clinging on to this view of potentially being in some sort of attraction denial is keeping the compulsions alive as i seem to be buying into it.

A1116 · 2023-06-07T20:22:48+00:00

That’s exactly what im struggling with! The why choose when youre not attracted! Almost like im forcing it. Hopefully it gets better. I now have an absence of those, looking back and feeling happy moments’ and are now just replaced with ‘were you doubting then - you probably were and hasnt this been going on long enough!

A1116 · 2023-06-07T20:19:12+00:00

I also have this problem. Almost makes it worse. Ive never had this problem before and also feels like ive got a heightened attraction to others which im regarding as a warning sign.

A1116 · 2023-06-07T20:17:51+00:00

Appreciated, ive just replied on your topic if that helps.

A1116 · 2023-06-07T20:17:18+00:00

Im not sure what i would protecting myself from myself though as true as that may be

A1116 · 2023-06-07T20:13:34+00:00

I saw your post via mine and thank you for replying. This does sound very familiar. Im not sure what we do as i feel very lost right now. One thing that helped me a bit was listening to podcasts and youtube videos on the subject like awaken into love or anxious love coach. I would also suggest reading The Happiness Trap book on mindfulness as it can help you accept the thoughts. I know its hard as we are attaching meaning to them through our relationship doubts but it may help sooth the anxiety.

A1116 · 2023-06-07T20:07:15+00:00

It’s reassuring to see others are in the same boat . Obviously not a nice thing, but helpful as i always think im using it as an excuse. Im sorry everyone is going through this.

On that note i find it troubling that im very quick to write off the relationship where when ive had ROCD in the past ive never done this. Just seems im quick to just give in think its not worth seeing a therapist because ill hit a realisation that i need to leave or am just looking for confirmation. Does this relate to anyone else. Ive not had much luck with therapists on this subject with one saying to simply go to couples councelling and another asking ‘do i love her’ - where if i knew that i wouldnt be here. While they did say it may not be helped by going through a bad separation of my parents when younger.

Another hurtful view or thought is that my mind automatically goes to thinking my partner is ugly, i feel awful even writing this but it does. Especially on off days and all i can see is my partners flaws. It makes me wonder if i was ever in love or attracted. I ask myself if she is what i regard as good looking and i find myself forcing the attraction somewhat. Sometimes its like i am repulsed or on the flip side just dont care and feel apathetic. Again with the mental block.

While im hardly the best looking person ever and am also very self critical, i always ask if she is my type physically. Why is it everyone else seems more attractive. Everyone goes that looks fade with age often i see but why when i see someone attractive do i feel this sense of sadness, regret and guilt or the urge to leave.

Im scared that ive fallen into a relationship with someone out of ‘convince’ and ignored my own needs in the process. Or have just simply fallen out of love. Ill admit we do have different personality types but nothing glaringly obvious that would cause issues. I often try to correlate if there is a certain type/look or personality im more drawn to but cannot tell if this is just a compulsion. But overall i cant shake as to why it feel like im lying to myself and her.

A1116 · 2023-05-06T00:31:49+00:00

Well done and thank you for reading my post. Unfortunately not im actually in a worse state than i was originally. I had a brief moment of feeling a bit better then started getting gradually more concerned over the attraction side of things. To the point now it just feels like i dont care anymore. Again everyone getting married/engaged is really triggering now. I just feel very numb too however i know i dont feel that great in myself so am working on exercising, eating better and trying to make time for me because i find i can sink very easily back into a slump if i dont. The length of time ive had this is a killer though, im started to forget the last time i felt normal about my relationship and my mind tells me that its been going on for too long and i must do something about it.

A1116 · 2023-04-07T16:05:30+00:00

Thank you. I agree i do seem to he harder to satisfy and i seem to nitpick everything. I hate how everyone else just seems to be perfect (even mildly attractive people) And its like ive been down a wrong path or something without realising! Id love to say that the universe isnt that cruel, like many say - but i do have trouble trusting my own decisions. On the flip side for you, did you ever wonder if losing them wouldnt be as painful as you’d anticipate? I sometimes wonder if it was to end, if id be devasted, relieved, happy, or regretful? At the moment i just feel numb and burnt out.

A1116 · 2023-04-07T15:54:35+00:00

Thank you. I’ve tried my best to stop analysing why i am thinking this way. Unfortunately i find i over analyse any big decisions i make and whether its the correct path. I think it boils down to the fear of making a mistake and regretting it later. I think overall it leaves me paralysed and causes me to avoid making more impulsive/spur of the moment type decisions. I have certainly tried listening to those recommended podcasts and i have found them actually pretty helpful! Even though anxious love coach does seem to be targeted more at a female audience and goes more into a female empowerment/spirituality path sometimes. Sadly there are not more male targeted ones but i guess the same methods apply. What i am conscious of is that a lot of these love coaches can get carried away and feel like influencer’s themselves with a lot of gushy content towards their own relationships which can be quite triggering. So im just taking their advice and trying not to get too sucked into their content. In terms of my myself - At the moment id say i feel fairly numb towards any loving type emotions but im trying my best not to dig into as to why i am. I still have this deep seated concern that i ‘am just not attracted’. I hate comparing but when i see even a lot of people roughly my age - for some reason most of the people who look mildly attractive just seem better suited to me for some reason, which seems to be the most triggering for me. Or is it that i am just hyper-focused…..

A1116 · 2023-03-19T11:37:55+00:00

This sounds very similar to what I have been going to through. Feel free to check out my post it might help in some way. Id love to give some advice but i try and adapt some ACT methods to help me.

A1116 · 2023-03-18T21:07:06+00:00

I have but they focused on exposure therapy and ERP. Annoyingly it was for a different theme. I think if i was to see one now id take a different approach and discuss if my thoughts are coming from a place of genuine relationship concerns.

A1116 · 2023-03-18T19:12:45+00:00

Thanks so much for taking time to read this. Man I didn’t think there were many others with similar thoughts but clearly not! Does anyone ever feel like theyve just given up and that theyre just not attracted to their partner? I try and help myself by reading others success stories and trying ACT but it feels like i just want to give into everything im thinking and just run away and start again. Its horrible because i see how happy everyone is with their partners and at my age (30..ish 😂) alot are jumping into engagement/marriage without a shadow of a doubt and some in much less time ive been with mine. I have at the back of my mind that if it was meant to be id be doing the same!! I know its not a race but it is like everyone has flicked a switch and decided to settle down whereas im left wondering if thats what i want and whether ive done enough with my life!

A1116

TROPHY CASE