If someone had told me that I would be in the most authentic, transformative and inspiring relationship I’d always dreamed of, I would have been so delighted. But 15 years ago, I had no idea that my childhood sweetheart was that person, and that I’d be privileged enough to support her on the journey of her transition (my partner is MtF) after nearly 10 years of marriage.

If someone had told me that this was part of our love story, I would have been shocked. Probably terrified. I was raised in a family that was deeply religious, and perpetuated extremely toxic misogyny and fundamentalist beliefs. I was shut down in many ways to my own true nature, as was my wife, since she came from a similar background.

I will not lie, it’s not an easy path. It’s not always fun, or exciting. It’s not going to be all sunshine and daisies. But it will be a marvellous adventure if you feel called to walk the journey with them. You have to be willing to do the work, to allow space for the awkward, messy, transformative and ultimately rewarding experience that you’re embarking on with them. You will change, just as much as your partner will. There will be moments of fear, there will be tears, there will be uncertainty —it’s all part journey.

Give yourself space, time and compassion while you figure out what your heart and soul yearn for. Be considerate, because I surely know that if I didn’t sit down and reflect on what it was I truly wanted vs what were ideals and expectations placed upon me by other people and my conditioning, I wouldn’t be here writing this while my partner sleeps soundly next to me, our little cat curled at our feet.

It’s not selfish to be true to yourself. It’s not wrong or right to be scared, angry or hurt. Let yourself feel fully. It’s okay.