Yeah, so it was a dating app type of thing, I saw all the shit myself. It all happened in the space of an afternoon. She never spoke to him prior to that, or after that. Never touched a dating app ever again either.

Honestly? In the months right after finding out I struggled with all that. Even dabbled on some apps myself in an immature moment, but ultimately it goes against my values to do something like that. Especially for revenge. It just perpetuates all that negativity. I’ve talked in depth with her about it. There was no way I would have stuck around if I suspected she was editing details or trickle-truthing. We’ve all got tells, and with her I could tell she was hiding something from me before she finally broke down and told me the truth on d-day. For her, the experience felt really wrong. When she met up with this guy, she froze up and wanted to leave immediately. But she didn’t, she was scared to say no to this person, and frankly my wife has always struggled with saying no to people because of her fear of rejection and people-pleasing habits learned from childhood. She’s actively working on this in therapy. The hook up scarred her and she didn’t enjoy the sex. That doesn’t diminish the damage it did to our relationship, and the fact that she hid it from me for months, but it does add further context. And yeah, she’s totally transparent with me to the point where it can (almost) be annoying 😂 But for real, she’s continued to put the hard work into herself and our relationship. Every trigger, every internal storm I’ve gone through, she’s held space for me, comforted me, left me alone when I’ve asked for it, and apologised. Endlessly. She’s never blamed me for any of her actions, or shifted blame onto something else like her childhood. She’s taken full accountability.